Everyone kept asking me what Skrillex was. What it was like. What it meant. Who it was. Why it existed. I explained to two different adults on two different days at Bumbershoot, that Skrillex was a boy and not a girl. That is the only thing I knew with 97% certainty (which doesn't matter in the least, except for it seemed that people were more supportive of a girl being Skrillex than they were when they found out it was a boy being Skrillex). Other than that, I really didn't know what say. Kids started lining up at 5:30pm for Skrillex's 9:30pm performance. I asked them if that was really what they were in line for, and a rotten little tween said, "NO, were in line for Miley Cirus." The sarcasm was lost on me. I would wait in a line to see Miley. Maybe. For like, 20 minutes tops. But still.
Forlorn Canadians in the beer garden asked me for advice on sneaking into the front for Skrillex. I told them to be polite to security and door people, since it seemed like that alone might startle someone into allowing them to cut in line. I had yet to see a teen being polite.
When it was time, I dragged myself into Key Arena to see the action. And what was the action you ask?
EEEK EK EK EK SHRK SRKWWwwwwww whom whom whom whommmooouuuuwww eh eh eh eh skkkkkkkROMWEM MEH WUH WUH WUH WUHHHHH.....................................jvrrrrrrrWEHWEHWEHWEHWEHWE HWEHWWWWAAAA AAAHHHHHHHHHMPRRRRRUHUHUHUHUH.......DUN bum bummm bwaaaooooo ooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwba ba baba ba ba ba ba ba ba bababababababBAPPP WUM WUM WUM WUM WUMMMMMMMMbbbbb BU BU BU BU BU WUM BU WUM BU WUM BU BUBUuuuuuuzzzzzzssssskkkkkkkreeeeeeeeeee.......schjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjrrrrrrroooooom mmmmmmM WUB WUB WUBWUBWUBWUBUBWUBWUB x x x x x x x x x ...................................................WHOOOOMMPP zizzzaza zizzzaza zizzzazazaza zizzzazazizzzazazzazazaaaa zazazazazazzzzzzziiiiiiizzzzzzzaazaZIZIZIZIZIZIZ
Wuuuubbbzzzzziiiiiii.....buh buh buh.
Complete with laser lights, smoke, seizurey video sampling, and ALL THOSE TEENS! It was actually quite the spectacle. I took a video, which caused my phone to die. Then I panicked! I didn't know where my friends were! Where my date was! What if I couldn't get home and I was trapped in the Skrillex vortex forever without a phone or a sweater! None of these rude teens were going to help me! I am actually still at Key Arena, writing this blog post from underneath a chair.
And I still don't know what to tell you. It seems to me, Skrillex is just a DJ with interesting hair (that he can never, ever change) who takes other peoples' songs and scrambles them with insect noises and whatever noise the skin condition eczema would make, if eczema were an insect. I mean person. I mean computer. SKREEEEEEEEEEE!