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Anna Minard claims to "know nothing about music." For this column, we force her to listen to random records by artists considered to be important by music nerds.

CHROME
Half Machine Lip Moves
(Siren)

Oh, good. It starts with someone playing his guitar with power tools. My favorite! Then music. Dernernernernerner. Then we go to space. Then Van Halen shows up or something. Then more construction sounds. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. Then what I thought was crappy guitar but is actually distorted vocals. Hey, the Crypt Keeper has some vocals on this album! No, wait—a whole song. Then they play pretty much the same song a few times. (I had to check to see if it was a new track starting or if they had just paused in the middle of a long song.) Then they play a record backward—either that or demon cows take over the mic. Mmm, now that intense sweeping sound, shhwip, shhwip, shhwip. I think it's a record player?

This is a great thing to know: I thought before that I could get into anything that had a great drumbeat. Untrue! There are things that can cancel that out, apparently. See? Learning and growing. Oh, now he's making fun of the differently abled. That's just rude, my friend.

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