So, from time to time I'll start, but not finish Line Out posts—here are ten of my unfinished posts.
1) "So...You're Hella Punk, Which Means Your Mullet Is Ironic?"
This was supposed to be a critque of contemporary "punk" fashion. After thinking a bit I figured what I really needed to say was "Uh, you know you can fuck the system all you want, but you still have a mullet, asshole."
2) "No One Likes Party Butt"
You're at show, everything is cool, then suddenly...SHIT! GODAMN! Who farted?! That has gotta be the worst, but on consideration, not worthy of the hilarious post I'd hoped for. It was, in fact, a REAL STINKER!
3) "Gosh, I Admit It, I Hate Fugazi"
It's true. The last time I listened to 'em, five years ago, I wondered why/how I ever gave a shit. All I could think was "What a terrible band." Thing is, I saw 'em twice, before the first EP came out, in late '88/early '89, AND I fucking LOVED 'EM, then bought their records and LOVED 'EM, etc...now, totes hate 'em. Weird, right?!
4) "I've Never Listened to the Pearl Jams. EVER"
This shaped up to be too much like my "I've Never Listened to the Smiths. EVER" post. Uh, just like the Smiths, I don't think I've ever listened to a Pearl Jam song all the way through. Uh, yups.
5) "The Day I Got Sub Pop Boss Jonathan Poneman to Do a Jon Brannon Impersonation"
Well, IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING, however, not much of a worthy post. It was 1995, I was working at Sub Pop, and one afternoon as Mr. Poneman, who sorta kinda favored Brannon at the time, walked past me and I kindly asked if he'd oblige, so he did. BOY DID HE! It was like watching the Laughing Hyenas from my desk.
6) "Making the Case For the Allman Brothers"
I know, RIGHT?! I wrote like 750 words, with hella html shit too, and then fucking deleted that shit; no more hungover writing.
7) "The First Time I Heard Mudhoney"
Gosh, what a boring story; I was in the back of my friend's car, it was outside a Halloween party, 1988. I was cold and then slightly confused. End of story.
8) "'Hey, Cuz, Do You Mosh Or Do You Thrash?'"
Some redneck guy, with a mullet AND an acid washed denim jacket, back in 1988 asked my best bud, Chris, this very question. We were at some random party when he honestly asked my friend "Hey, cuz, do you mosh or do you thrash?" Chris looked real punk at the time, leather jacket and a mohawk, right, so when a redneck approached it often meant trouble. At the time that was some funny and confusing shit. Now...just an obviously confusing "YA HADDA BE THERE" moment.
9) More "I HATE JANE'S ADDICTION"
Yeah, DERP. So what, I was sussed when you were in elementary school.
10) What IS the Deal With Crust Punx Wearing Tevas™?!
True fact: I was third guitarist in the Blow Apart Bastards, a joke North Carolina crust band in, like, 1993. The singer always wore athletic sandals. BAD IDEA WHEN YOU'RE IN THE PIT, man.