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Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Classic Rock Garbage Thunderdome #2

Posted by on Wed, Oct 10, 2012 at 3:34 PM

Last month's triumph of Foreigner's "Double Vision" over REO Speedwagon's "Take It on the Run" wasn't much a surprise to CRGT readers. Though it was brought up by camlux that there is "no good Speedwagon," I totally disagree. The Gary Richrath heavy "Ridin' the Storm Out" or "Flying Turkey Trot" could easily demolish most of what Styx or the Eagles have to offer. Alas, those are battles for later days.


As chosen by less than 30 votes, "Double Vision" advances into a higher imaginary CRGT tier. I'm not sure if a quick re-cap is needed, this is a song we've all heard waaaaaaay too many times. But in a way, it still rules. We discussed last month how it's mostly about getting wasted on a bunch of drugs. To further quote the brilliant Song Meanings website, user kfe2 describes "Double Vision" with:

The band wrote this after seeing New York Rangers goalie John Davidson get knocked out during the 1977 Stanley Cup Playoffs. Davidson is now a popular hockey analyst for ABC Sports. The changed it around to talk about being at a party.

My reply to that can only be: "?!?!??!??!??!?!??!??!??!??!??!??!???!?!??!??!??!?!??!?!?."

Today's challenger is a great one, though. Well, you know, great bad and then good again because it's so bad. It's Eddie Money's "Take Me Home Tonight," a song so shallow and insipid that it reminds me of a 1983 Volkswagen Rabbit stuck in three feet of December snow in Ohio. In other words: it goes nowhere. Keith Whiteman of the Grave Babies offers: "Well, I listened to the song twice and all I could think of was if he was good in bed or not. So that's a disturbing thought. I feel a hunger. It's a hunger."


Released in 1986, "Take Me Home Tonight" hit #1 on the U.S. Billboard Mainstream Rock Tracks and #4 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100. That's certainly enough copies sold to buy a few white Corvettes. Though, I'm not sure how much "aqua gravel" it could afford.

I used to read Hit Parader and Circus magazines as a child, and I remember a letter to the editor in one of those asking if Eddie Money had upper teeth, as he never seemed to show them. I usually think about this whenever I hear Eddie Money. Today, when I heard this song, was the first time I realized that he's actually referencing Ronnie Spector from the Ronnettes in the song, with the line, "Just like Ronnie sang." It would be embarrassing for me to tell you what I thought he was saying before, because it doesn't make any sense. It's nice that she duets on the chorus though, I guess.

As for the meaning of "Take Me Home Tonight," one doesn't have to travel too far in their brain to figure out what's happening in this song. Dude's got a hunger and he needs to eat physical love. According to the wonderfully poorly written Wikipedia page, when questioned about the song,

"...the band stated that it was inspired by an unknown person named "Garth," who, as childhood friend of the bandmembers, was constantly looking to sleep over at other people's houses. Other sources say it relates to Producer Jacob Dooley's obsession with convincing the drunkest girl in the bar to take him back to her house.

My reply to that can only be: "?!?!??!??!??!?!??!??!??!??!??!??!???!?!??!??!??!?!??!?!?."

Again, back to the ever informative Song Meanings, user darreno27 writes:

Me and my roomies constantly play this song at parties. It get the crowd pumped up with the ladies flying around. One of our favorite songs. I always jam this on my guitar full bore when finals are done and it's time for a break.

Dude, that's awesome. Regardless, in true Classic Rock Garbage Thunderdome fashion, we're here to decide: which of these awful songs is better? Vote quick, vote often.


Comments (16) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
i refuse to vote, because take it on the run is way fucking better than double vision and this whole thing is now a sham of a joke of a pile of shit.
Posted by wolfman420 on October 10, 2012 at 4:13 PM · Report this
Has Lou Gramm done a Geico commercial? Didn't think so.
Posted by mint chocolate chip on October 10, 2012 at 4:22 PM · Report this
derek_erdman 3
@1: You need a nap, friend.
Posted by derek_erdman on October 10, 2012 at 4:26 PM · Report this
biffp 4
Eddie Money wining 2:1 over Double Vision is a pile of shit.
Posted by biffp on October 10, 2012 at 4:46 PM · Report this
revolutionsperminute 5
Double Vision actually rules
Posted by revolutionsperminute on October 10, 2012 at 5:43 PM · Report this
LEE. 6
didn't Eddie Money have a stroke? that should disqualify him right then and there.

back in the early 90's, there was a commercial for Carl's Jr featuring Eddie Money + band. they were having a severe bout of writer's block and then, someone takes a bite of a burger and ketchup splatters against sheet music IN THE FORM OF A SINGLE EIGHTH NOTE WHICH COMPLETES THE MUCH-HARANGUED-OVER-SOON-TO-BE-POP-HIT. of course the song the ketchup helps write is "Take Me Home Tonight", a song that, by 1993 or so, would have been 60 years old.

if that song wins this round, I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
Posted by LEE. on October 10, 2012 at 5:48 PM · Report this
Eddie Money only had one good song and this aint it. It isn't even a love to hate. Double Vision!
Posted by cracked on October 10, 2012 at 6:00 PM · Report this
pg13 8
@7 "Baby Hold On"? "Two Tickets To Paradise"? "Think I'm In Love"? "Shakin'"?

Posted by pg13 on October 10, 2012 at 7:53 PM · Report this
Eddie Money planned to have some studio backup singer do the "be my little baby" line after the Ronnie Spector reference. But then a producer said, "hey, why don't we get the real deal?" And so it is Ronnie Spector singing that line in the song.
Posted by Lark Hawk on October 10, 2012 at 8:24 PM · Report this
seandr 10
"Take Me Home Tonight" makes me want to climb up a bell tower with an assault rifle.
Posted by seandr on October 10, 2012 at 9:33 PM · Report this
Wow, what a bunch of grouches we have here. "Take Me Home Tonight" is pure gold. There is that chorus towards the end when the percussion drops out and it's just the vocals over the guitars, and then the drums come pounding back in. It gets me pumped up every time.
Posted by Luke on October 10, 2012 at 9:58 PM · Report this
mr. herriman 12
I was never able to figure out that line! Not that I tried too hard. But seriously, all these years I've always just assumed my best guess, which is nothing close to "just like Ronnie sang."
Posted by mr. herriman on October 11, 2012 at 12:36 AM · Report this
blip 13
I voted for the one I think is the worst because all classic rock is terrible, therefore the worst one is the better classic rock song. It made sense to me at the time.
Posted by blip on October 11, 2012 at 11:46 AM · Report this
Since we are figuring out difficult to understand 80's lyrics, can someone provide some clarity on that "carry a lazer" song by Mister Mister?

And just for the record, Eddie Money's true classic is "I Wanna Go Back". I mean come on, that song drips with bittersweet nostalgia, at least when you are very drunk it does.
Posted by longball on October 11, 2012 at 2:12 PM · Report this
mr. herriman 15
kyrie eleison means "lord have mercy." you know, down that road that I must travel.
Posted by mr. herriman on October 11, 2012 at 3:33 PM · Report this
robotbutler 16
@ 13. I did the same, I thought that was the point.
Posted by robotbutler on October 11, 2012 at 4:15 PM · Report this

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