Pustulus Maximus
  • Courtesy of GWAR
  • Pustulus Maximus

Last November, something happened in metal that doesn’t happen often. GWAR broke character. The freakishly awesome camp of “misfit space aliens on drugs” had a death in the family—they lost longtime friend and lead guitarist Cory Smoot aka Flattus Maximus on the road. The band, shaken up but still the same GWAR we know and love, took it as their duty to continue the tour, paying respect to Flattus each night, waving their bloody middle fingers in the air and screaming, “Fuck you for leaving us here.” In some cities, the band even ripped off their elaborate stage costumes and ended their sets in street clothes. It was truly touching in a very GWAR-ish way. Fast forward a year and GWAR has continued on in the name of Flattus, by hiring a new guitarist, and fellow member of the Maximus clan, Pustulus Maximus. According to the official press release the band sent out, Pustulus suffers from “a skin condition where his face and feet are covered in painful pustules that can only be soothed by the application of savage metal, spoiled elephant semen or oral sex.”

If you’re a fan at all of heavy music, or just want to be thoroughly entertained, I highly suggest attending a GWAR show at least once in your life. Not only does the band appear live in huge, demented looking rubber alien costumes, but they’re well known for spewing gallons of blood and (fake) semen, staging gory battles onstage and of course sacrificing presidents and celebrities to the almighty worm. GWAR is headlining an all-day metal fest this Saturday at Showbox SoDo. Bring a white t-shirt for a fun game of “name that liquid” later on.

Even if you aren’t the headliners themselves, this Saturday’s fest features a diverse amount of shred, including U.K. grind core progenitors Napalm Death, groove metallers DevilDriver, party animal thrashers Municipal Waste, gore-soaked grind freaks Exhumed and tons more. Seriously. This show is stacked.

So it looks as if all the campaigning has paid off and marijuana has been legalized in Washington State. Wahoo! Now I can finally see what it’s like to get high (har har). I guess it’ll be awhile until the ball really starts to get rolling with all this shit, but won’t it be awesome to go up to an police officer with a joint and ask them for a lighter? In honor of this momentous occasion in the state’s history, I give you my three favorite albums to get thunderfucked to.

Chain Of Strength – The One Thing That Still Holds True
This may seem like a bit of an ironic pick, as this So Cal posi-core band from the late 80s/early 90s repped the straight edge as hard as you could. With songs like “True Til Death” and lyrics badmouthing those who “sold out” and turned to drugs or alcohol, one might consider this to be a bit of a bummer to listen to while roasting a bowl. Personally, I find the eerily melodic guitar riffs and slowed down youth crew sound to go well with a spliff or two. To each their own.

Electric Wizard – Dopethrone
The title says it all. To be fair, this is the first metal album I ever remember getting super high and listening to all the way through, so I certainly have a soft spot for this one. This album was methodically crafted by EW to get you in that perfect bong-ripping state of mind. In all honesty, this album is such a hazy masterpiece, you can probably save your weed, as the smokey, pure riffage will penetrate your earholes and get you lifted.

Dying Fetus – Destroy The Opposition
For a few solid months a couple years back, I was really into getting super baked and finding the most incredibly fucked up and brutal death metal out there to blow my friend’s minds and freak them out. Sure, there are tons of sadistic fucks out there—the Devourment’s and Cephalotripsy’s of the world—giving lyrically lurid accounts of torture and death to lightning speed blast beats and slamming grooves, but when it comes to brutal slamming death metal, it doesn’t get really get much better than Dying Fetus’ breakthrough record Destroy The Opposition.

Now go, lose some brain cells and bang your head. 420, brah.