When you think of Christmas music, what names come to mind? Bing Crosby? John Denver? The Muppets? Well, it’s time to add the name Agoraphobic Nosebleed to the list, because earlier this month, this grindcore band recorded 11 fast-as-fuck soon-to-be Holiday classics for Decibel’s monthly subscriber-only flexi disc entitled “Make A Joyful Noise.” The last track of the EP, “Little Town Of Bethlehem,” finds the band taking a direct shot at Converge guitarist and God City producer Kurt Ballou. Click here for BEEF.

Doomed labels all w/the wolverine blues
Shepherd their flock of sheep
To god city to be forever “Entombed”
By lord, savior producer, douche
Fuck Kurt Ballou
Bring your sound down to clowntown
Do you hear what I hear?
Your sound is now his sound
You’re paying for the name

U mad. If this is anything like hip-hop, I’m expecting a response via mixtape in next few weeks. Agoraphobic Nosebleed isn’t the first metal band to record Christmas songs. In 1986, King Diamond released the single “No Presents For Christmas” and from there, the marriage between Christmas and metal was born.

In recent years, a few bands have taken the more “brutal” approach. Local deathcore band I Declare War aren’t usually my thing, but their "Bring The Season" EP, recorded with burly-voiced original singer and current Pathology vocalist John Huber back in 2007 is pure genius. Take a classic track like “Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer,” add a shitload of chunky, generic deathcore breakdowns, throw in some blast beats and top it off with the most jarringly gutteral voice barfing lyrics about Santa. How pleasant.

My personal favorite Christmas metal jam comes from Halford's holiday themed album, “Halford 3: Winter Songs.” Imagine “We Three Kings,” as sung by Judas Priest himself!? Well, now you don’t have to.


The best song on the record isn’t a cover, though. The first track, “Get Into The Spirit” is an original Halford tune that finds Rob declaring everyone to “Raise Your Spirit High.”

Oh yeah, and then there's that Trans-Siberian Orchestra...