So the world didn’t implode, catch fire or mysteriously disappear. Bummer, right? After heavy consideration, I came to the conclusion that Morbid Angel and Immolation are the two bands I’d want playing if the world came crushing down. Why Morbid Angel and Immolation? Alongside their crunchy death metal awesomeness, both bands paint vivid pictures of post-apocalyptic hell, barren earth and downright destruction.

I’m still in the process of solidifying my top 10 albums of 2012. There were just so many goddamn great metal, hardcore and punk records released this year that it’s not an easy task to wade through it all. Instead of posting my half-finished year-end-top-records-list, I decided to throw together another comprehensive list: the top five metal t-shirts I’ve found at thrift stores in 2012. I’m a self-admitted thrift store junkie. I frequent Goodwill’s, Value Village’s and St. Vincent De Paul’s in search of gory death metal shirts, with typically zero to little luck. Every couple weeks though, I find something that gives me hope.

5. Hatebreed – Satisfaction Is The Death Of Desire t-shirt, XL (Found at the Capitol Hill Value Village, July 2012) Hatebreed is the quintessential bro-mosh, tough-guy hardcore band and Satisfaction Is the Death Of Desire is their opus, the holy grail of '90s ninja-kicking metalcore that so many tried to Xerox. This shirt fits like shit on me, it’s way too big and worn out as fuck, but the mental picture of a crew-cutted hardcore kid fighting the individual pit-ninja with this shirt on back in 1998 makes me smile.

4. Black Sabbath – Sabbath Bloody Sabbath t-shirt, L (Found at Goodwill in the U-District, March 2012) How fucked up is it that there are t-shirts of Black Sabbath featuring photos from their heyday where drummer Bill Ward is Photoshopped out? Like he was never even fucking there. 2012 was the year of the Black Sabbath “reunion,” which saw the classic lineup leave their OG drummer in the dust, continuing on without a second thought. This shirt fits like a charm and features the true lineup, Bill Ward and all.

3. Death Individual Thought Patterns hoodie, XL (Found at the Capitol Hill Value Village, September 2012) I was about to leave Value Village one day, unsatisfied by the fact that I had found nothing but a bunch of bullshit Tapout shirts and family reunion barbecue longsleeves, when in the corner of my eye I spotted the unmistakably awesome sickle and skull of the classic Death logo. I scored a near mint condition Individual Thought Patterns-era Death hoodie! Fuck yeah. But here’s the kicker…it had bright fluorescent yellow hood strings.. WTF? Unfortunately this hoodie was stolen from my apartment following a raging party that found me blacked out, thunderfucked and down for the count.

2. Gojira hoodie, L (Found at the Southcenter/Tukwila Goodwill, January 2012) A comfortable hoodie from one of the heaviest French bands ever. Solid.

5 bucks!
  • Five bucks!

1. Sepultura Refuse Resist Longsleeve – L (Found at the Kent Value Village, February 2012) Yeah, you read that right. I found this shit in Kent. On a Sunday in February, I went down to visit my mom in Kent and stumbled across an epic find, a Chaos AD–era Sepultura longsleeve with “Refuse/Resist” written down the sleeves, the classic death metal looking Sepultura logo on the back and a shot of a South Korean protest on the front—five dollars and it was mine. Who the fuck donates this shit to the thrift store? It’s like throwing away metal (or Ebay) gold.