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Saturday, January 12, 2013

Homo / Tonight The Homosexual Agenda: Bacon Strip Divorces Re-bar, Moves to Chop Suey

Posted by Adrian Ryan on Sat, Jan 12, 2013 at 10:18 AM

Honey Bucket

There have been serious developments. These developments are shrouded thickly in mystery, conjecture, and terrible lies. (Mostly terrible lies—as usual.) The question: After roughly 20 zillion years there, WHY has Bacon Strip left Re-bar forever? What's the motive? What was the damn point? Was it Re-bar's roaming phantoms? The phantom smell? Was there some sort of "falling-out-of-bed," as 'twere? Bad blood? Moody blues? And who precisely is ditching whom for presumably greener pastures in this deal, if anyone is indeed ditching anyone at all, anyway? WHY, for the love of sweet holey-handed Jesus's lemon-scented urinal cakes, I ask you, WHY?! Nobody's talking. A mystery.

Some conjecture (i.e., "lies"): Jinkx Monsoon put a curse on it. Owner Carla Schricker is turning it into a Marriott. Sylvia has drag-queen dementia. (Caused by tight wigs.) They just can't get Dina Martina off the stage. THE FUCKING MAYANS AGAIN. All of the above.

The point: Bacon Strip is happening at Chop Suey now. Reactions to this rather serious move have ranged from "Huh?" to "I don't know what the fuck you're even talking about" to "OH SHIT! Please just kill me and end the pain," while some have noted Chop Suey's dreadful flow pattern and extra, extra ice cubes. (I have no idea what anyone is taking about, of course, but SOME people...)