Derek: I am reading Vince Neil's autobiography. It's really fucking something.

Keith: He's gross.

Derek: He's really gross.

Too Gross For Love
  • Derek Erdman
  • Too Gross For Love

Keith: Some juicy details in there?

Derek: He's just talked about how rich he is. I'm only on page four.

Keith: Just thinking about him having sex is making me gag.

Derek: And his belly? His hot tequila breath? Humping back and forth? Sweaty patchy dyed blond hair thrashing mildly?

Keith: Plus he winds easily so he's never on top.

Derek: Just a mound of oozing flesh. Ooze contained by a leathery package of melanoma and hamburgers that will not let it escape.

Keith: He can't listen to music while he has sex because he gets too into it because he's a real rocker.

Derek: He'd fuck a chick on a Harley! His jizz would be rocket fuel! They'd blast off into the stratosphere!

Keith: If I could do like, the real high-falsetto metal singing, this is where it would go.