Hi. We're Bles and Emecks from Don't Talk to the Cops! Sometimes Trent plays drums for us. He went to King of the Hill grocery to get some chips, so we borrowed his computer for a minute. Trent had interviewed some band, or someone, or David Bowie, but it was all blah, blah, blah—what's it like to be so famous? And I married Iman. Sorry, Dave Bowie, we know you did "Ground Control Eats Major Tums" in outer space, and Labyrinth was pretty good—you looked snappy in the tight pants with the zucchini in there. We didn't mean to delete your interview, but it's the Fourth of July and we're gonna go ahead and make this a Don't Talk to the Cops! Firecracking Special. With safety and potato-chip tips.

Bles: Hey, Emecks, we're on the radio!! I mean, we're doing a column!

Emecks: Yeah! What should we talk about? I think David Bowie would like the BRAND-NEW VIDEO for our song "Gimme That 80s Butt." Off our new album, Champions of Breakfast, that's already sold 12,351,000 copies. It's Butt-tastic.

B: Yes. We had the honor of filming some of the flyest ladies in the land. Look for cameos from Robert Vaughn, Space Bieber, and Danny McBride. It was filmed on Tupac Island. Should we expose the myth of Tupac Island?

E: Everyone already knows about the island Tupac bought when he faked his own death, and that he put out 17 albums after he died to build up the island as an oasis for other rappers who faked their own death, like Tim Dog, Eazy-E, and Kross from Kris Kross. Also, talking about ourselves is lame. It's Fourth of July, let's talk about fireworks!

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