Last night while in bed watching Party Down, gorging on Tim's Salt & Vinegar potato chips, and surfing the triple-dub, I was thrilled to witness a number of inane teenagers attack Macklemore's Instagram photo post of a shiny jacket declaring "49ERS SUCK." While some of the comments supported the pro-Seahawks sentiment, most were bereft of much thought at all, summed up by emmypeach8: "#yourabitch #hater #judgementalrapper." Or perhaps by mogalybearbeck, "OMG and I totally THOUGHT you were awesome...change of heart. officially, with this post!"
"Fuck you u punk bitch @Mac klemore" —ram_zeee_jada
Slowly, I considered what it would be like to have an enormous fan base of insipid teenagers, whose every empty thought changes with each banner ad seen on a torrent hosting website. I thought back to the 27-hour-old news report of Kanye West attacking an 18-year-old guy inside the waiting room of a chiropractor's office as I jammed another fist full of potato chips into my gaping maw. I rejoiced as I refreshed the comments on Macklemore's jacket picture, which had reached 66.8k "likes" during its two-hour life on the internet. 2lazy2bcreative18 chimed in, "WELL FUCK YOU TOO MACKLEMORE! Lol." Nearly all caps. I considered Googling how to tie a noose.
Eventually my fascination turned to boredom as I noticed that the comments adopted a cyclical repetition. A number of people threaten to unfollow Macklemore's account.dtab22 and others declared that they were no longer fans. Fair-weather followers turned their backs, not on a man who had urinated on under-aged girls, but a person who had posted a picture of a jacket. A number of controversial slurs emerge. 49ers209 chimes in with, "U suck fag ur shehawks are going down u see!" Another commenter offered the confusing, "I hate the 49ers but you gotta love this jacket." As what seemed a perfect finale, songbyrdsf claims, "My heart is breaking right now..." Followed by an emoticon of just that.
In haste I shut down all electronics and tugged every blanket on the bed well over my head. After a few minutes I wondered if the world is still full of people. I reached my arm out and grabbed the bag of Tim's Salt & Vinegar potato chips. Who even fucking cares if the world is still full of people?