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Bieber Fever

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Justin Bieber's Celebrity Mug Shot Shows All Other Celebrity Mug Shots HOW IT'S DONE!!!

Posted by on Thu, Jan 23, 2014 at 11:30 AM

JUST LOOK AT HIS FACE. That smile! Ha-Ha-Ha-HAAAAA! F-YOU, WORLD! I am rich as God, and God is unfuckwithable! He's also been in the news for spending $75,000 in a Miami strip club (uh, that's $75,000 in ONE DOLLAR BILLS), recently been busted for "eggs and drugs," and he's also been sending Selena Gomez mean messages with bonus pictures of his erect penis.

But hey, 48,929,679 Twitter followers can't be wrong about this guy, can they?

  • Miami-Dade Police Department /

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Justin Bieber is the One Who Wants to Take You on a Sleigh Ride

Posted by on Tue, Dec 24, 2013 at 3:13 PM

It's a holiday (yeah, yeah yeah)
Spend it with you baby.
I think that I'm in love this Christmas. (yeah)
Just hang your stockings on the fire place.
You know that Santa's coming to town.
I'm the one who wants to take you on a sleigh right now.
So today is all about you baby.
The mistletoe can pull us closer that's what I'm waiting for.
It sorta feels like it's Valentine's, Valentine's.
So I'm entering the top of your roof, them sleigh bells is ringing.
I'll be up all night with you, them carols are singing.
Japan to Peru, baby me and you, this Christmas eve!

Be my date this Christmas eve!
Be my holiday, my dream!
(lay your head on me)
I got you baby!
Kissing underneath the tree,
I don't need no presents girl, you're everything I need!
Let me give you all of me, here
Together on this Christmas eve...

You leave some cookies out,
Imma eat em all.
Nobody can see me but you,
It's so magical.
When we use imagination!
We can fly to never, neverland
To north pole, is that cold?
If you wanna go!
I got you baby.

Be my date this Christmas eve.
Be my holiday, my dream!
(lay your head on me)
I got you baby!
Kissing underneath the tree,
I don't need no presents girl, you're everything I need.
Let me give you all of me, here
Together on this Christmas eve!...

(Be my)
(Be my)
Christmas eve!
(Be my)
(Be my)
Christmas, Christmas!
(Be my)
(Be my)
Christmas eve!
I promise I won't do you wrong!!

Be my date this Christmas eve!
Be my holiday, my dream!
(lay your head on me)
I got you baby!
Kissing underneath the tree,
I don't need no presents girl
You're everything I need.
Let me give you all of me to you!
Together on this Christmas eve!...

(Be my)
(Be my)
Christmas eve!
Be, Be,
(Be my)
(Be my)
Christmas eve! Be, Be, Be, Be, Be, Be, Be, Be
(Be my)
(Be my)
Christmas eve!
Be, Be!

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Justin Bieber: Between Two Ferns

Posted by on Thu, Sep 26, 2013 at 2:43 PM

While I loathe to post anything about Justin Bieber, Between Two Ferns is just too good to not post.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Selena Gomez's "Come & Get It" is a GD Pop Masterpiece

Posted by on Tue, Aug 27, 2013 at 2:23 PM

A very small committee (comprising Emily E. Nokes and Cienna G. Madrid) has determined this irresistible Selena Gomez song to be the greatest string of notes and words ever written about breaking up with—but still wanting—Justin Bieber.

You're welcome.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Today's Music News: Lil Wayne Plans Retirement, Sex with Socks, and So Much More

Posted by on Thu, Jun 13, 2013 at 12:04 PM

Lil Wayne Calling It Quits?: After releasing Tha Carter 5, Lil Wayne told Jimmy Kimmel he plans to retire and spend more time with his children. Does anyone actually believe when musicians say things like this anymore, particularly musicians as absurdly prolific as Wayne?

Sir Paul Invades Colbert: And plays a whole bunch of Beatles and Wings songs. He is a charming lad, that one.

Justin Bieber Is Finally Going to Space: On Christmas, with his manager and, oh I don't know, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet and Russell Brand. NBD for the Biebs. Just another day in the life.

Beth Gibbon Goes Solo: The Portishead frontwoman has a new album coming out, to be released via Domino Records.

"I Have Sex Real Good with Socks On": Quoth Big Boi in an entertaining GQ interview. Apparently "it's a secret that all men who slingin' heavy pipe know about." Wasn't Rachel's ex-fiance on Friends worried that she broke up with him because he wore his socks during sex?

Rose Windows Will Make You Feel Epic: The Windows' debut album The Sun Dogs comes out on June 25. Early word is very positive. Whet your appetite until then with "Native Dreams."

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Today's Music News: Listen to Folsom Prison Blues While Actually in Prison, Sub Pop turns 25, Bieber Fever is a Real Thing, and More

Posted by on Tue, May 14, 2013 at 12:09 PM

"MP3 players are a lot like televisions. They're a really good babysitter.": SPIN has a nice article about prisons granting inmates access to MP3 players. Favorite detail: The guy who orders "King of Hearts" by Cassie—let's be pen pals!

Sub Pop is Throwin' Themselves a Silver Jubilee: To celebrate 25 years of being the cool kids on the block, Sub Pop is throwing a free shindig in Georgetown on July 13th, featuring Mudhoney, Shabazz Palaces and THEESatisfaction, J. Mascis, Father John Misty and more.

I Would Like to Tour with Justin Bieber: This kid's life is just pure insanity at this point. Vomiting on stage, almost having a piano fall on him, getting in trouble for his pet monkey, cops finding a bunch of weed on his tour bus... and that's just from memory! I don't even follow his career! Why would I? I'm a grown man! And now, according to the Hollywood Reporter: "[c]riminals reportedly pulled off an 'Ocean’s 11'-type stunt to nab an estimated $330,000 in cash" while the singer performed a Mother's Day show in Johannesburg, South Africa. One can hardly fathom what else is in store for Canada's boy wonder.

Billy Corgan is Righteously Angry About Another Thing: The Smashing Pumpkins frontman has written a letter to the restaurant chain California Pizza Kitchen on behalf of his "friends at PETA", urging them to cease supporting dairy farmers who dehorn calves at their dairy farms.

The Reaction to Daft Punk's Random Access Memories Thus Far: “So I listened to this Daft Punk album once while browsing the web. I will now unveil my critique” — the Internet, 5/13/13″ Quoth the inimitable John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Today's Music News: A Dog, a Sword, and Pee

Posted by on Wed, Nov 21, 2012 at 4:58 PM

All Dogs Go To Heaven: Fiona Apple has cancelled a string of tour dates by issuing a hand written letter stating she will be with her ill pooch, Janet in her last of days. Keep your chin up, Miss Apple.

White for Black Friday: For the kitschy collector or frazzled friend of a musician, Jack White of the White Stripes brings you Third Man Novelties Lounge where anything from records, plastic figurines of an Airline guitar, and much more can be purchased and/or gifted.

We Like Pants Accidents: Pissed Jeans will be releasing their new album Honeys on Sub Pop this February! Listen to their new mp3 "Bathroom Laughter" here!

Slay Your Breakfast!: A pan fit for a Viking is now available from Combat Kitchenware. Get involved with their Kickstarter and impress your black metal friends.

Outta My Way, I'm a Motorist: Justin Beiber and Dude With a Video Camera have a curt conversation, hold up traffic, and piss off a section of L.A. The proof is in this annoying video.

The New Pop Queen Is...?: Rising to her 12th chart-topping single, Rihanna is giving Madonna and the Supremes a run for their money as far as Billboard Top 100 goes.

The Devil Keeps Me Cozy: Okay, this Slayer sweater is kinda fantastic but you can only find it in the UK! No love for the states, I see.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Friday Night Line Out Giveaway EXTRAVAGANZA

Posted by on Fri, Oct 26, 2012 at 6:20 PM

We are NOT effing around with the newest, most SIZZLINGEST edition of the Friday Night Giveaway. Answer this Line Out trivia question and WIN BIG:

What was the name of the child born and raised in the post office line while Utilikilt Man pulled packages out of his hippie cart?

The first hot shot to answer correctly will receive the following incredible prizes:

· A Justin Beiber singing toothbrush (plays the songs "Baby" and "U Smile")!
· A $4-off coupon for See's Candy (if you buy $40 worth, that is)!
· A rose necklace I found in Cal Anderson Park a long time ago!
· Two cough drop filled with cough suppressing goo!
· Birthday candles!
· TWO perfume samples!
· A pumpkin spice lollipop (that tastes like Bath & Body Works)!


Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Into the Storm Vomits Battle-Yarn

Posted by on Tue, Oct 9, 2012 at 9:06 AM

Vomit is trending, now that Bieber and everyone are getting into it. But the latest video from Seattle metal band Into the Storm for their song “K’nuckles” (off the Captains EP) was filmed before Bieber made yuking popular. I take that back; vomit has been trendy for a minute. (See Popped Collar Block Party Vomit, and Man Stares at His Own Vomit.) Battle-yarn vomit, though, as evidenced by Into the Storm, this is new, and non-Bieber. There’s also a man screaming, and a small Claymation man stealing a ruby off a house. Into the Storm have just finished mastering an EP titled Light Lovers and Heat Mongers, which they tracked and mixed themselves - due out December 14 on 7" vinyl. The band’s guitarist, producer, and video director Matt Jahn spoke.

The video is hand made stop motion? How much weed do y’all smoke?

Yes. It's made from hand-made stop-motion filming. We like to make things hard on ourselves for some unknown reason. This is our second attempt at stop-motion animation leading to the production quality being slightly above the previous "Tearing Apart Space & Time." The idea for the video was heavily fueled by alcohol and THC consumption, with the conclusion being, that beards are awesome, don't fuck with robots, and K'nuckles is the greatest adventurer that ever was and will be.

A cat shat on the set?

The table the set was built upon went through four different locations during construction. The first location was inside of a room the size of a small apartment, where it got the first stages of all the terrain put into place. Then it sat there for close to eight months before anything else happened. During that time, a cat named Toki took up residence as the sole owner of the set. It was a cluttered room and we called the set Tokiyo. There may have been some shitting.

Into the Storm play October 24 at 2 Bit Saloon with Judgement Day (CA), Gladiators Eat Fire, and They Rise, We Die

Monday, October 8, 2012

Today's Music News: Trains, Puke, and Zines

Posted by on Mon, Oct 8, 2012 at 12:39 PM

Riding on the Metro: Encircled by bodyguards, rap artist Jay-Z hops an R train to his final Barclay concert in Brooklyn proving that he's just like everyone else: A millionaire commuter with a record label and the hottest wife ever.

Dinner and a Show: Lady Gaga shows up Justin Bieber by puking on stage all the while dancing like a pro.

Park Life: British alt rock band, Blur are gracing their fans by extending their reunion confirming a small series of European festivals in 2013.

Get Em' While They're Hot!: While checking out the latest fashion at Urban Outfitters don't forget to pick up your free 40-page zine released by the xx, complete with handwritten lyrics, photos, and such.

Ax to the Face: Tomahawk release a teaser song Stone Letter off their upcoming album Oddfellows, their latest release in six years.

You're Doing It Wrong!: I guess dumpster babies are making a resurgence—this sticker seems to think so.

Use Your Indoor Voice: Screaming Females singer, Marissa Paternoster, comes down with mono, subsequently dropping the band from their opening slot for the rest of their fall tour with Garbage. Get better soon, Marissa!

Lady Gaga Gags

Posted by on Mon, Oct 8, 2012 at 11:38 AM

Never one to be outdone (especially not by Justin Bieber!)—Lady Gaga got gaggy and barfed three times onstage in Barcelona, Spain on Saturday. What a frickin' badass—she barely stops singing.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Time for Another White Hot Friday Night Line Out Giveaway!!!

Posted by on Fri, Oct 5, 2012 at 6:24 PM

Woohoo! We were not actually kidding last week when we sort of implied that this might be a regular thing, where we go through our purses/desks/shorts pockets on Friday night and find you cool treasures, then ask you a dumb question so you can WIN THE PRIZE!!! Dedicated to you Line Outers who work late at a desk on Friday nights, or who read the blog on the weekend. Go you!

Also, a bit of Housekeeping: Hey there, last week's winner, carnivorous chicken, wanna contact us to pick up your stuff? Just like Santa, we love giving you free stuff, if you sit on our laps and stay on your very best behavior! Those fries aren't gonna eat themselves!

This week's prize package only contains two items, but one of them is HOT HOT HOT enough to put behind a jump, because BOOBZ. You're welcome! The prize package contains:

ONE (1) pack of glue-on fake nails, French Manicure-style. Oooh, classy! Says music editor Emily Nokes, "Those nails have touched Gary Smith's torso." It's true!

and ONE (1) very special, Spanish-language, lesbian edition card game called, appropriately, "¡SEXO!"

Redeem your prize by leaving the answer to this question, which honors our spirit animal Alanis Morissette, in comments (we'll alert the winner here in comments on Monday, when we sober up again):

What fellow '90s icons played guitar and bass on Alanis Morissette's best-karaoke-song-ever hit "You Oughta Know"?


Continue reading »

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Today's Music News: The Moz, Metronomes, and Masturbation

Posted by on Thu, Sep 27, 2012 at 12:20 PM

Bad Vibrations: Mike Love of the Beach Boys kicks Brian Wilson and Al Jardine out of the band. That's like telling God, "Get off your cloud, there's a new boss in town."

The Moz Rules!: Morrissey rushes to the aid of a collapsed woman in a New York bookstore, a right proper gentleman.

The Moz Drools!: A strongly opinionated 17-year-old Morrissey bashes the Ramones via the free press. Will he never come down from his soapbox?

Timing Is Everything: 32 metronomes give OCD sufferers some sense of relief.

Hairy Palms, Unite!: Apparently we're all sinners, according to 50 Cent. Here's the lowdown on how to (not) keep your hands to yourself.

Brutal Shoes: The Metallica merchandise machine has sunk to a new low with these branded Kill 'Em All shoes by Vans. Please rush to your nearest Vans outlet and line the pockets of the evil empire.

Way to Make a Stink!: Trevor Dunn graces us with his two cents on Billie Joe Armstrong's recent tantrum at the iHeartRadio Music Festival.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Midnight Haiku

Posted by on Sun, Sep 16, 2012 at 9:40 PM

I have always had a poor understanding of how one thing fits into another. As a child I thought Santa Claus was a property of chimneys, ate fortune cookies whole, and was phobic of sleeping bags. For some reason the hardest thing for me has been to differentiate between coffins and hot dog buns. I apologize in advance for my behavior at your barbecue and/or funeral.

Friday, August 24, 2012

LA Weekly Takes Stabs at Hipster Music, Listmaking

Posted by on Fri, Aug 24, 2012 at 10:41 AM

Here's a list of shit I'm tired of:

1. Lists.

2. The "hipster" label for everything people don't like, but aren't creative enough to describe any other way.

That said, this is a pretty good run down of bands that I'm just fed up with hearing/reading about. If you can get through the critiques without taking it personal, the writers have made some funny points, even about my beloved Bright Eyes.

LA Weekly goes on a list of the worst weekly magazines, btw.

Short list:

1. Bon IverSo true.
2. tUnE-yArDs — Their music is like a dog whistle to Chuck Klosterman.
3. Arcade Fire — Music writers: use the word "anthemic" one more time, wouldja?
4. Bright Eyes — Dude has been making music since he was like 10, maybe he should take a break?
5. Grizzly Bear — Grizzly bore, am I right?
6. Beirut — You listen to them, because I'm not gonna.
7. Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti — We had this already, it was called Robert Smith, he had black hair, was actually interesting, and had a talented band called The Cure.
8. The Airborne Toxic Event — If ever a band name said STAY AWAY, it's this one.
9. Beach House — Yawn. The cucumber sandwich of bands.
10. White Rabbits — Percussion is just one element you can use, guys.
11. Edward Sharpe And The Magnetic Zeroes — A very happy Manson Family special.
12. Pomplamoose — Like a flash mob of suck.
13. The Decemberists — The Hazards Of Loving someone so dramatic.
14. Wavves — No, pop punk is not cool after junior high.
15. Death Cab For CutieBremerton! Woot!
16. MGMT — GFYS.
17. fun. — wrong.
18. Sleigh Bells — I can't really stand to sit through a song of theirs, so I couldn't say.
19. TV On The Radio — Wait, what the? Fuck LA Weekly.
20. The Black Keys — #1 on my "Success: You're Doing It Wrong" list.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Midnight Haiku

Posted by on Fri, Jul 13, 2012 at 7:53 PM

I love internet pictures of people whose cunts are covered by MS Paint squiggles. At home one night, I tried to recreate such a squiggle with electrical tape, and realized it can’t be done, because the squiggles float an impossibly small distance from the people in the photos. This distance is the home of the pictures’ perfection. Standing in front of my mirror, covered with electrical tape, I felt like the accidental architect of a church.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

"No Fringe Benefits for Emos"

Posted by on Thu, May 24, 2012 at 3:19 PM

A dire warning from Australia (a fringe = bangs, for those not in the know), beginning with that amazing headline: "No fringe benefits for emos as haircuts that flop over one eye could result in generation of young people with lazy eyes."

Under all those long lopsided fringes, a hidden danger is lurking.

A leading optometrist has warned children and teenagers are risking their eyesight for the sake of fashion.

Favoured by celebrities including Reece Mastin and Justin Bieber, the current zeal for haircuts with fringes that flop over one eye could result in a generation of young people with lazy eyes.

"If a young emo chap has a fringe covering one eye all the time, that eye won't see a lot of detail," Mr Hogan said. "And if it happens from a young age, that eye can become amblyotic."

The piece goes on to warn that "a lack of direct sunlight" in the eye hidden under the bang-swoop could "result in short sightedness," and a "veteran hairdresser... fears the hairstyle force[s] many to tilt their heads to one side in order to see."

An entire generation struck down with optometric issues in their prime! Comb your hair immediately!

Friday, May 11, 2012

Who Would Be Eaten First?

Posted by on Fri, May 11, 2012 at 10:32 AM

If an imaginary plane full of musicians crashed high in the Andes Mountains, forcing survivors to endure three months of the harshest high-altitude conditions imaginable, and do unspeakable things to survive...

Sunday, March 18, 2012



Midnight Haiku

Posted by at 1:19 AM in

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Monday, July 11, 2011



Monday, June 27, 2011



I Know It's Wrong

Posted by at 12:35 PM in

Monday, April 25, 2011



Wednesday, March 30, 2011



Thursday, March 10, 2011



Tuesday, February 22, 2011



Thursday, December 9, 2010



Wednesday, November 24, 2010



Tuesday, November 2, 2010



Friday, October 29, 2010



Tuesday, October 26, 2010





Monday, October 25, 2010



Monday, October 11, 2010



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