Were you one of the unfortunate people who missed Ron Jeremy at Linda's Tavern last Friday? I didn't really drink much of his spiced rum but HE was a total sweetheart—even though he didn't seem to smile very much. Lots of people gave up on autographed t-shirts, and just started getting autographed boobies.
Here are a few of the photos—including a classic (oops!) almost-nipple-slip by yours truly...
Ron Jeremy will be in Seattle appearing in two, count 'em TWO different locations to promote his new spiced rum called Ron de Jeremy. First, tomorrow April 26th, Linda's Tavern will host R.J. who will also play DJ, spinning his "favorite party jams," starting at 8 o'clock. Linda's also promises a footlong hot dog called the "Hedgehog Dog" and something else called a "Dark and Horny."
Then, on Saturday the 27th, Jeremy will launch his rum (did I just type that?) at Wine World, from 4-7 pm, selling and signing bottles of his new booze.
Both are free. Will you go?
The Linda's Flyer (L), and the 'Ron de Jeremy' label
My only goal for this summer is to somehow replicate this amazing looking party. Please let me know if anyone is in a Wham! cover band that can nail "Club Tropicana" while wearing board shorts and an open Hawaiian shirt. Do you think Q would be willing to rent out the space? I got five on it.
We'll also need tinsel palm trees, neon light shapes, a white baby grand piano, and really cool extras willing to act out all the song lyrics. Easy!
An IRA victim’s group, Fair, has criticized the selling of the cocktail claiming the suffering of bomb attack victims, who have been maimed or killed, should not be celebrated in such a way.
"I would have expected Americans, of all people, to behave more sensitively and responsibly. How would they like it if we developed the Al-Qaeda car bomb, the Twin Towers cocktail, or the 9/11 ice-cream sundae?"
EDS NOTE: My intern Katie Martin is in Austin! Eating all the tacos I should be eating! Got any hot Texas tips for her? -Emily Nokes
You guys! I’m in Austin for SXSW right now! It’s 80 degrees and I am wearing a Hawaiian button up and I’m sure that you’re all shaking your fists at those cloudy heavens, cursing my name. My boyfriend and his “business partner” are managing a couple showcases down here for Castle Face Records, Dolce Vita shoes, and Sailor Jerry’s. I’ve never been to Texas (save the one time I went to Richland when I was thirteen and it sucked because everything sucks when you’re thirteen) and so far it just seems like Seattle in the summertime—everyone wearing attemptedly nonchalant yet obviously carefully-curated sleeveless band tees and messed up sneakers. The biggest difference is that they call Rainier “Lone Star” down here for some reason.
Seattle’s own Night Beats, the Pharmacy, and CMRTYZ the Band played the Sailor Jerry showcase last night at Gypsy Lounge and rocked the ironic mini baseball caps right off of everyone’s heads! It was refreshing to see some hometown vibes amongst so many strangers and reminded me just how spoiled we are in Seattle.
[Insert hella shitty phone pic of Pharmacy] [The phone pic was too hella shitty to insert. Just imagine it and you're better off. -ED]
In other news: it turns out that you can learn to like rum again when your wristband entitles you to as much of it as you want (no one is more surprised than me)! It also turns out that when you see someone you know in an unfamiliar city, you hug them without hesitation even if you would never hug them back home.
CMRTYZ/Castle Face showcase is today at Gypsy Lounge, featuring a gaggle of Seattle bands (PONY TIME! MTNS! STICKERS! PHARMACY! NIGHT BEATS!). Also: Thee Oh Sees! The Mallard! Blasted Canyons! Starts at 8pm. Free. Come and hang if you're in Austin and reading Line Out for some reason! King Tuff is playing the daytime show right before in the same location so it's a win, win, winwinwin!
Find out, in this week's Drunk of the Week. Also, did you know that the cheapest blow-up doll, from Castle Megastore on Broadway costs $32.84, after tax? It's true. Remember this, when planning YOUR next party.
Read it "Weenies" and then Rage Against The Machine:
Yo, my alcoholic brothers and sisters, your watering hole is about to shutter its doors soon, so drink up, you weed hating yuppies! Drown those sorrows of fucking up your code writing and passing it off as some new form of art grunge. Face it, you're a weenie if you need to face the day with a Martini (plus one for your pet monkey friend(s), and start smoking as much weed as humanly possible. Seattle needs more THC and less alcohol to keep our local government officials from killing this sleepy fishing village (remember: Free Ballard!), and turning it into some lame cousin to Boston, minus the blue-bloods and landed aristocracy.
Great article about the Zeitgeist of modern day Seattle...home of the Velvet Foam, expensive condos, and a culture of youth who consider anything with a ball played on a field or in a stadium, "art." Yes, that's you, you Martini mamby pambies. Rage against the machine, don't sit at your desk at Amazon and think you're a genius for figuring out a way to take out Barnes and Noble. Turn on, tune in and drop out. Uh, huh! I'm talkin' Timothy Leary here, a real intellectual who was a tenured Harvard professor who would never lower himself to a two Martini high. Go deeper, man! Don't aim for the floor (you inebriated fools) aim for the sky, as Seattle's own Jimi Hendrix implored. That takes an expanded mind, one that is educated, and appropriately filled with any manner of drugs that help you see, you can't make it out of this life alive. Swing for the fences. Roll a fat one, kick back, and turn up Soundgarden's "Outshined" (not "moonshined") to ten, and buck the lemming trend. Free your mind, and your sorry ass will follow.
—Posted by LastSeattleHipsterTurnTheLightsOff
Was "LastSeattleHipsterTurnTheLightsOff" Drunk or High When He/She Wrote This?
I completely slept on rapper Antwon last year, but thanks to the announcement from Greedhead kingpin Himanshu on "the twitter" that the San Jose native would be releasing an album on his label, I've been listening ever since.
His latest release, End Of Earth, is a pleasant cross pollination of the by-now-practically-patented Seattle drug n' thug style and a mellow-hyphy Bay Area tone. Rapping over production by the likes of the rising Steel Tipped Dove and the recently retired Big Baby Gandhi (sad face) dude paints a typical tough guy persona over horror movie score on one track, then drops a some red cup party rhymes over new jack era beats the next:
Old guard hiphop sentinels have developed the annoying habit of labeling these cats '"Tumblr rap", but I call it enjoyable, and Antwon calls it free over on his bandcamp, so have a listen.
I just got back from the Midwest where Shake 'N Bake pork chops and Bob's Big Boy buffets still reign supreme. A friend there told me about this new brew from Chicago: MAMMA MIA! Pizza Beer. That's right, I said it: PIZZA BEER. Beer made of pizza. Pizza you can drink. It's only available online, and in Chicago and Ann Arbor, Michigan Whole Foods stores. Would YOU drink pizza beer?
Cat (THEESatisfaction): There was this show on Mars—I regret not being able to do it.
The Lonely Forest: We deeply regret trusting major label executives.
Brian Foss (Funhouse owner): I regret that I am not a millionaire, so I was unable to buy the building the Funhouse was in.
Wimps: Wimps regret to inform you that: An all-pizza diet does actually provide you with all your daily nutrients. Sometimes, venues think it's acceptable to pay a band in breakfast pastries. Motel microwaves aren't the best appliances to use when drying wet underpants. A hot dog can't actually ride a skateboard. Our next album will be all freestyle raps. In 2012, good venues closed and good people passed on—they will be missed.
Nathan Chambers (Rendezvous booker): I regret wearing "skinny jeans." That's right, Levi's 511s, I quit you. No more will I awkwardly adjust the dangly bits or struggle to take you off after a night of drinking. The holes you get only in the crotch have shamed me long enough. Your tyranny of uncomfortable cool is over. Viva la dad-washed 501s.
Joe Axler (Samothrace/Skarp): I regret looking at Facebook this morning after not having time to see the season finale of Sons of Anarchy last night. Thanks, spoiling assholes.
Are you shitting me?! Highline has made all of my dreams come true!! ALL YOU CAN EAT SPAGHETTI and $5 off regional beer pitchers PLUS a showing of Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers!! Dude, you can't beat it!! Gorgeasarus Rex Fest comes at you this Sunday, the 6th starting at 7pm. Put your wizard staff skills into action!