If so, it's an honor. But, as one commenter pointed out, my piece amazingly failed to mention one of Riley's highest achievements: "No Diggity"
What was I thinking?
I also did not mention Bobby Brown's "My Prerogative," but that's because I have always felt uneasy about that tune. "Prerogative" is not a nice word. It has nothing to do with American youthfulness or self-empowerment but the power of kings and lords. The king, for example, might have the prerogative to fuck my wife—meaning, the right to do so, and neither she or I can do anything about it. Bobby Brown is singing not that he has self-determination but the exclusive right to do "what he wants to do."
The human penis, with a relatively larger glans and more pronounced coronal ridge than is found in many other primates, may function to displace seminal fluid from rival males in the vagina by forcing it back over/under the glans. During intercourse the effect of repeated thrusting would be to draw out and displace foreign semen away from the cervix. As a consequence, if a female copulated with more than one male within a short period of time this would allow subsequent males to “scoop out” Semen Displacement as a Sperm Competition Strategy in Humans semen deposited by others before ejaculating...
Had Ray J hit her when she was not pregnant and 24 hours before another player hit her, then his sperm would really have something to sing about.
Say Hello to Chance the Rapper: Chicago's latest hiphop prodigy claims his new mixtape Acid Rain, which dropped yesterday, is "the best tape to come out in 2013." The year's still young but after hearing it, it's hard to argue with him.
And Finally, Hometown Heroes Shabazz Palaces Remix Animal Collective: This is pretty druggy.
BRITNEY SPEARS TO RELEASE NEW SONG “OOH LA LA” FOR COLUMBIA PICTURES/SONY PICTURES ANIMATION’S FAMILY COMEDY THE SMURFS™ 2
Pop icon Britney Spears will release a song for Columbia Pictures/Sony Pictures Animation’s highly anticipated family comedy The Smurfs™ 2... “Ooh La La,” which will play at the end credits of the film, was written by Lukasz Gottwald (Dr. Luke), Joshua Coleman (Ammo), Henry Walter (Cirkut), Bonnie McKee, Jacob Kasher Hindlin (J Kash), Lola Blanc and Fransisca Hall and produced by Dr. Luke, Ammo and Cirkut for Prescription Songs.
Britney Spears added, “I have always loved the Smurfs as a kid and now my boys are the biggest Smurfs fans EVER. I wanted to surprise them with a song in the movie. I know they'll think it's Smurftastic!”
The last time I saw Amanda Bynes was in a teenager movie. Drake = medium-wholesome actor-turned-rapper-turned-inventer-of-#YOLO, right? And he's Canadian? Canadians can't murder. Also, don't wish for your own celebrity vagina murder. Wait, what does that even mean? What's happening? Am I old or is the internet broken? Ugh!
A sober Talib Kweli claims he is the greater rapper that ever lived; a stoned Snoop is nice enough to agree with him. Altogether, it is a warm and entertaining conversation between two hiphop fathers, two hiphop legends...
His thinking: Like lots of Americans, he grew up admiring the power of guns; but when he started owning guns, he also noticed they killed a lot of people; and now that he is older, he doesn't need guns because they do nothing but cause him and his family stress...
Whatever Jay-Z and Beyonce were expecting when they went to Nigeria in 2006, they can’t have seen this one coming. If the document New York-based muckrakers Sahara Reporters have published is authentic, then they have just scooped one of the news stories of the decade. No doubt about it. It is alleged that in 2006 the most powerful man in African media, Nduka Obaigbena (known for hobnobbing with celebrities from Lil Kim to Colin Powell to Henry Kissinger) paid for the Knowles-Carters’ Nigerian visit by successfully soliciting $1 million of public money from none other than the current president, Goodluck Jonathan, when he was governor of Bayelsa State. And the kicker? In the letter they’ve published that money appears to have been paid out directly from the state’s “poverty alleviation fund”.
They walked on stage, the people came, and the poor definitely did not get paid. First World types must always keep in mind that, though there's no such thing as clean money, the money in Nigeria is almost always exceptionally dirty.
by Dave Segal
on Mon, Feb 18, 2013 at 1:35 PM
It still needs to be said, because a lot of blinkered Beatles fans have created a massive force field of scorn around her, but Yoko Ono, who turns a vibrant 80 today, has done a helluva lot of good work that has pushed rock into far-out realms and frayed conventional notions of what a female voice should sound like. Check out Yoko Ono/Plastic Ono Band, Fly, and Approximately Infinite Universe for proof. She's also created a lot of naÏvely profound/profoundly naÏve visual and performance art and is a sweet, philanthropic soul who's done way more to help the world than you have. Deal with it, haters.
By the time the actual Grammys rolled around, I felt a little partied out from all the weird stuff happening that weekend (also, the Odd Future crew had been making a rowdy party music video in a room on our hotel floor until really late). The whole thing starts early, and it felt sillly getting sequined-up in the early afternoon.
The Grammys are held in the Staples Center, which feels like any sporting event stadium, except it's crawling with people in black-tie dress code standing next to corporate hamburger spots and nacho stands. But those places are closed and no actual food is available during the (REALLY, REALLY LONG) show and apparently people passing out is not all that uncommon. When I sat down in my plastic stadium chair, it crossed my mind that the invention of the clutch purse is a cruel joke... you can barely fit a phone in them! Worthless!
Important notes from the 2013 Grammys:
*Taylor Swift opened up the show with an elaborate all-white nightmare production of "We Are Never Getting Back Together," complete with dancing clowns. Meanwhile, her ex John Mayer was dressed like a game-show host in the audience with his new girlfriend Katy Perry.
*Katy Perry consoled those who didn't take home the best new artist award by saying, "Don't feel bad if you didn't win. I never won this and I have my own eyelash line. Take that, Bon Iver."
*There were 20 performances this year—a record number. I was kind of bummed the speeches didn't run longer though, I kind of like babblers.
*Boring tribute medleys happened every five minutes.
* Jack White brought both his female and male band for two songs and completely slayed. His losing album of the year to Mumford and Sons made me so angry that I started yelling at the guy next me like a crazy sports dude, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? THIS IS TOTAL FUCKING BULLSHIT!" (But seriously, Mumford?! Clean out your ears, Academy.)
*During commercial breaks, everyone on stage kept commenting on what a great job the host LL Cool J was doing in this really paternal way, as if he were a small child we were supposed to be cheering on during a play.
*There were zero obligatory cheers when Chris Brown's nomination was listed off.
*The best new artist award went to the band Fun. who ruin spin class for me several times a month.
*Goyte won album of the year, and still looks like Gary from Partman Parthorse.
*The Black Keys (perhaps most famous in Seattle for their alleged TP-ing of Stranger writer Derek Erdman's house) partnered up for a performance with Dr. John and the Preservation Hall Jazz Band.
*Justin Bieber was rumored to have been conspicuously absent because he felt sad about not being nominated.
*Between the new dress code that basically only targets women from dressing too slutty, and Chris Brown being honored with performance spots last year, I'm hoping the 2014 Grammys don't include another surprise anti-feminist diss.
*All in all, every performance was a lot like watching the film Con Air... so much crazy action that you almost start get bored when the 15th climax point rolls around. It's the musical equivalent to an amazing motorcycle chase after a plane crash.
So, I'm at the 2013 Grammy Awards, mostly because my girlfriend manages a band that are doing super well and are up for two awards. I'm most excited for all the weird, non-televised awards: best Christian contemporary, best metal performance of the year (?!) and packaging. Also, I met a stylist for the band who informed me that CBS has issued a strict dress code that may very well ruin the Grammys for EVERYONE.
The ‘Standards and Practices Wardrobe Advisory’ to all attendees reads:
"Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered…thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare flesh under covers of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples.”
This announcement caused an uproar for attendees. ("What are any of us supposed to wear now if you are gonna BAN SIDE BOOBS?")
Other notes from day 1: *Went to a "Friends and Family Party" at Lot 5 of Paramount Studios and saw Carly Rae Jepsen play two songs. She sounded amazing, but was unbelievably checked-out for her performance of "Call Me Maybe." She might as well have been brushing her teeth. I didn't recognize the second song.
*Overheard Angel Hayes talk about her Twitter war with Azealia Banks, "Azelalia is a DUSTY BITCH...she's just totally REGULAR LOOKING." Getting called regular is such a major disssssss. *My girlfriend spotted Macy Gray, and then I briefly got excited until I remembered I couldn't exactly remember what any of her songs were. *I saw Dave Grohl shopping for suits earlier in the day, and went into an embarrassing preadolescence style panic. I frantically texted M.I. Birdsall of Dont Stop Believin' Records to get advice on what to say to him, and she replied, "Ask him what Courtney was REALLY like." The stylist in the store asked me what was wrong with me, and then noticed him in the corner and her eyes widened as she yell-whispered, "Oh my god, Dave Navarro?" *Next up, getting ready for the Clive Davis Party, which has the ominous shadow of Whitney Houston's death from last year hanging over it.
Poor Skrillex! Poor Skrillex's Haircut! While I can't pretend to love the music that comes out of a Skrillex, I decided he is actually a sweet human being by way of the Nardwuar test. If you aren't a complete asshole to Narwuar we he interviews you, then you're alright with me.
Here's the hot hot TMZ coverage of Skrill blowing out the candles on his 25th birthday cake.
Yesterday Mr. Segal asked "What’s the greatest rock song by an Australian band?" His answer, obviously, was Coloured Balls' "That’s What Mama Said." I LOVE that song!! However, it's a tough call to pick the BEST Oz rock track, but I'm gonna TRY - my pick is Zoot's heavy sike jam "Strange Things." It's a bit of spring, 1968 released in 1970.
We are NOT effing around with the newest, most SIZZLINGEST edition of the Friday Night Giveaway. Answer this Line Out trivia question and WIN BIG:
What was the name of the child born and raised in the post office line while Utilikilt Man pulled packages out of his hippie cart?
The first hot shot to answer correctly will receive the following incredible prizes:
· A Justin Beiber singing toothbrush (plays the songs "Baby" and "U Smile")! · A $4-off coupon for See's Candy (if you buy $40 worth, that is)! · A rose necklace I found in Cal Anderson Park a long time ago! · Two cough drop filled with cough suppressing goo! · Birthday candles! · TWO perfume samples! · A pumpkin spice lollipop (that tastes like Bath & Body Works)!
Depressed Mode: Depeche Mode have announced they will tour Europe and North America mid-2013 in support of their new album coming out next Spring.
Out of Sight, Out of Mind: The two remaining jailed members of Pussy Riot are sent to prison camps to serve out the remainder of their sentences until March 2014.
The Moz Loves His Mom: Due to his mother's sudden illness, Morrissey has postponed four of his U.S. dates to be by her side. Don't worry, Seattle you're all good.
Have a Heart...I Mean Kidney: Rapper, P.O.S. must cancel his upcoming fall tour on account of his kidney's slow decline. He is asking for his fans financial support and, if you've got one you're not using, a kidney.
Get Your Laws Off My IP Address!: Lobbyists are attempting to turn you into an information highway leper, if you are of the "illegal download" persuasion.
Vote for Seattle Artists!: The Seattle Times is compiling a list of the 13 most notable artists and arts administrators in the Seattle region: 13 for '13! Enter your suggestions here!
Father Knows Best: Lindsay Lohan's father accuses her of hanging out with drug addicts and alcoholics, tries to stage intervention only to have the cops called on him. Being a celebrity must tough.
by Brian Cook
on Fri, Oct 19, 2012 at 1:40 PM
A cab picked us up outside our Sydney hotel on our last day in Australia. The driver—a self-described cross of Pablo Escobar and Ron Jeremy—asked if we were a band. When we answered in the affirmative he mentioned that he had driven an American musician to the airport a couple of months prior. This wasn’t particularly interesting news; there’s no shortage of American artists touring Australia at any given time. I assumed it was one of those artists whose name you vaguely recognize but aren’t actually familiar with. So we were a little surprised when he asked if we were familiar with a guy named Mark Kozelek.
Sun Kil Moon and Kozelek’s solo records get a decent amount of play in the tour van, so yes, we’re familiar with the man. Familiar enough to know the guy also has a reputation for being a bit standoffish. Or perhaps you could just say that a lot of people describe Kozelek as being a dick. Though to be fair, the few examples I’ve heard of his dickish behavior are usually kind of amusing. My favorite example is his supposed habit of setting up his mic stand in one corner of the stage prior to his performance so that all the diehard fans congregate on that side. Then when he actually goes on, he takes the mic and sets it on the opposite side of the stage, where he performs his set. It takes some balls to snub your biggest fans, and I couldn’t help but wonder how a guy that writes such sentimental music has such an antisocial streak.