I suppose we all remember "Tan Mom?" Maybe? She was a mom who was arrested for allegedly taking her six-year-old into the tanning bed with her. In all her public appearances she had tanned/self tanned to the point of being brown, like it was fucked up, hence her nickname "Tan Mom." Kelly O posted about this as it happened. Anyways, now "Tan Mom," Patricia Krentcil, has a single out...
Fake famous people make me regret the internet.
From the Birmingham Mail UK today:
Ozzy Osbourne claims Black Sabbath drummer Bill Ward was dropped from the band reunion because he struggled to remember all their songs...
...“We looked at Bill and he couldn’t remember what the fuck we were doing..."
Poor Bill Ward. It's gotta be harsh when Ozzy "Mumblecore" Osbourne says just you're too old. Geezer Butler, however, is still in the band.
Black Sabbath plays The Gorge on 8/24/13.
Tearjerker: Beastie Boys' fallen member Adam "MCA" Yauch gets a Brooklyn park named after him, coinciding with the one year anniversary of his death after a long struggle with throat cancer.
Two of your favorite things in one place: Sigur Rós announces that they will appear on The Simpsons! Naturally, they'll also be covering the shows' theme song.
98 Degrees is releasing a new album?!: Hold onto your butts, everybody! The boy band that just won't quit (except for, you know, that decade) has recorded their first album in 13 years, appropriately titled 2.0. Here's a song about their dicks/microphones.
Rihanna vs. Brooklyn Nets vs. Chicago Bulls: To the dismay of no one, RiRi's concert at Brooklyn's Barclay Center scheduled for tomorrow night will have to be postponed in light of the NBA Playoffs being pushed into an unanticipated 7th game.
Black Flag has risen: Yesterday the group released their first new song in 27 years!
Hide yo' kids, hide yo' muzik producers!: AraabMUZIK's Abraham Orellana is recovering nicely from a gunshot wound after being caught in the crossfire of an attempted armed robbery earlier this week. Classic wrong place, wrong time scenario.
The sun's out! Enjoy this song! Mikal Cronin's new album MCII is out May 7th!
The owner/representative says to "come join the conversation." UUUUHHH. Is she going to apologize for being the worst?
Here's a screen grab for you...
I can't think of any other song that's WORSE than this one, can you? Oh, wait. Maybe this one. Just give it up, Bam. You're embarrassing your mom. And for the record, if you were MY mom's kid, she'd kick your ass, and then make you stop this nonsense. And I think Earl Sweatshirt's momma would do the same.
Video after the jump...
Dear Slayer, YOU ARE SO STUPID. Reeeeeally? Read the whole thing here.
"Last Monday, I sat down with Kerry and Tom to rehearse for Australia and to propose a new business model that I felt was the best way forward for Slayer to confidently protect itself so we could do what we do best . . . play for the fans. Kerry made it clear he wasn't interested in making changes and said if I wanted to argue the point, he would find another drummer. On Thursday, I arrived at rehearsals at 1 pm as scheduled, but Kerry did not show. Rather, at 6:24 pm I received an email from the lawyers saying I was being replaced for the Australian dates."
You know how when someone has a bag of Doritos and you’re all “mmm, Doritos sound good.” You mooch a chip or two and it hits the spot. But then when you actually go to the store and buy a bag of chips for yourself, it loses its luster almost immediately. Sometimes music is that way. I thought it was just a personal quirk of mine. But frequent Line Out commenter and Same Sex Dictator/Red Liquid member Lee Cizek mentioned having this issue in passing and now I realize it’s a universal thing.
For example, I like Drive Like Jehu. But I no longer own any Drive Like Jehu records. They always sound good when someone else puts them on, but whenever I try to listen to them on my own, I get fidgety by the second song. Come to think of it, I feel the same way about pretty much all of Rick Froberg’s stuff. I don’t know what my problem is; Hot Snakes always sound so good on someone else’s stereo.
Same thing with Portishead. And Gang of Four. I now refer to these bands as Doritos music. I like it when someone else is rockin’ it, but I can’t seem to get into it on my own.
What’s your Doritos music?
Last night Wall of Sound record store and Spine and Crown Books suffered a break-in via a kicked-in door and the former business lost its computer and some coins in its till and the latter the iPhone with which it processes purchases. I don't want to tell you what to do, but it might be a nice idea to frequent these excellent indie establishments—both of which need to find new locations by June 2013—and buy something from them this week to help them procure the funds to replace their lost goods.
Up until last week, if you’d asked me what the worst live performance I’d ever seen was, I’d probably mention Crisco Kids. It was spring of ’97, my band was playing a gazebo in a city park in Little Rock and they were on the bill. Actually, saying they were “on the bill” is a bit of a stretch. The gazebo was basically fair game to city punks. You just showed up and played whenever you felt like it. There was no promoter, no rules. Crisco Kids were three brothers with devil-locks and Misfits face paint. The youngest brother was the guitarist and vocalist. I’d put his age at around ten. The eldest brother was the drummer. I’d wager he was old enough to drive. Their sound was like The Shaggs fronted by a prepubescent Chris Barnes from Cannibal Corpse. I watched the whole set, minus the occasional moment where I had to excuse myself to laugh hysterically behind a tree.
There are some other close contenders: that band of Jack White-imposters we played with in Poland that sounded like Joy Division with all their fingers broken, that grunge cover band in Italy that obviously didn’t know a lick of English and approximated the words to hits by Smashing Pumpkins and Nirvana, that weird pagan-goth band with the drummer in the Hawaiian shirt and the electronic drumkit I saw in Puyallup back in high school. But the one consistent factor with all these bands is that they were hard to not watch. Mediocre bands aren’t memorable or interesting. But truly awful artists are still inadvertently entertaining. Just look at brokenCYDE, Design The Skyline, or Rebecca Black. On Thurday, however, I was exposed to a whole new brand of awful, one without any redeeming qualities...
Shame on you, Carmen. And way to make the rest of us look dumb.
h/t to Brant Brissby
It was reported yesterday that a teacher in South Lyon, Michigan has been suspended for playing Macklemore's equality jam "Same Love" to her students during class.
Macklemore responded to the incident via his website:
I wrote the song “Same Love,” not with the expectation that it would cure homophobia and lead to marriage equality across the US (although that’d be awesome). It was written with the hope that it would facilitate dialogue and through those conversations understanding and empathy would emerge. This incident demonstrates how too often we are quick to silence conversations that must be had. Even if people disagree, there is far more potential for progress when people are vocal and honestly expressing their thoughts about gay rights. When we are silent and avoid the issue, fear and hatred have a far greater life span.Read the whole response here.
I was Faceboxing around this morning and saw that No Doubt apologized for and removed their tasteless music video for the song "Looking Hot," which features Native American imagery like teepees, cowboys, and the band attempting to "look hot" in headdresses and other traditional dress. Ugh ugh a million uggghhs.
Anyway, the real news here is that I happened to see said apology because I am Facebook friends with No Doubt??? I have no recollection of "liking" their page! I can't be held responsible for this! I'm never drinking again.
The genius of spaghetti, courtesy Derek Erdman.
We are NOT effing around with the newest, most SIZZLINGEST edition of the Friday Night Giveaway. Answer this Line Out trivia question and WIN BIG:
What was the name of the child born and raised in the post office line while Utilikilt Man pulled packages out of his hippie cart?
The first hot shot to answer correctly will receive the following incredible prizes:
· A Justin Beiber singing toothbrush (plays the songs "Baby" and "U Smile")!
· A $4-off coupon for See's Candy (if you buy $40 worth, that is)!
· A rose necklace I found in Cal Anderson Park a long time ago!
· Two cough drop filled with cough suppressing goo!
· Birthday candles!
· TWO perfume samples!
· A pumpkin spice lollipop (that tastes like Bath & Body Works)!
Woohoo! We were not actually kidding last week when we sort of implied that this might be a regular thing, where we go through our purses/desks/shorts pockets on Friday night and find you cool treasures, then ask you a dumb question so you can WIN THE PRIZE!!! Dedicated to you Line Outers who work late at a desk on Friday nights, or who read the blog on the weekend. Go you!
Also, a bit of Housekeeping: Hey there, last week's winner, carnivorous chicken, wanna contact us to pick up your stuff? Just like Santa, we love giving you free stuff, if you sit on our laps and stay on your very best behavior! Those fries aren't gonna eat themselves!
This week's prize package only contains two items, but one of them is HOT HOT HOT enough to put behind a jump, because BOOBZ. You're welcome! The prize package contains:
ONE (1) pack of glue-on fake nails, French Manicure-style. Oooh, classy! Says music editor Emily Nokes, "Those nails have touched Gary Smith's torso." It's true!
and ONE (1) very special, Spanish-language, lesbian edition card game called, appropriately, "¡SEXO!"
Redeem your prize by leaving the answer to this question, which honors our spirit animal Alanis Morissette, in comments (we'll alert the winner here in comments on Monday, when we sober up again):
What fellow '90s icons played guitar and bass on Alanis Morissette's best-karaoke-song-ever hit "You Oughta Know"?
PRIZE PACKAGE PIC...
This is the inaugural edition of the "Fuck, It's Late, We're Bored, Everybody Left in the Office Donate One Thing to This Pile" Line Out trivia contest! This goes out to you, people who work late on Fridays (we're sorry!) and people who read Line Out on the weekend (that's dedication!).
Trivia Question: What song did Negative Approach's John Brannon sing at karaoke in New Orleans last June?
One lucky winner will receive:
Leave your answer and/or dumb jokes in the comments! Winner will be chosen at random and notified in the comments, and can pick up the prize package at our offices. IT'S FRIDAY! HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND! GOOD NIGHT!
*by "Dave Coulier"
Finally, it's the moment we've all been waiting for! The extra special occasion that celebrates the shocking revelation that women play music (wow!) with Rolling Stone's Women Who Rock issue. Rolling Stone magazine chose six aspiring female-fronted acts to compete for the flip-cover of the special issue. In a year of Pussy Riot and Laura Jane Grace, the editors selected these pop stars by their impressive number of... YouTube hits.
Throughout the duration of the contest, we've been able to follow the women of the (heavily sponsored by Garnier Fructis*) competition in the "Style Files" section of rollingstone.com, where viewers can enjoy videos of each contestant talking briefly about their music and personal style in a convoluted way that really just highlights their physical attributes (slow motion turning/hair tossing, playful pillow tossing, at one point the camera just stops on an extreme close-up of one finalist's butt, ETC.)
More + videos after the jump!
The verdict just in:
Judge Marina Syrova convicted the women of hooliganism motivated by religious hatred, saying they had "crudely undermined social order" [and that] Maria Alyokhina, 24, Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, 22, and Yekaterina Samutsevich, 29, had offended the feelings of Orthodox believers and shown a "complete lack of respect".
That the decision comes as little surprise makes it no less crappy. Still, the women smiled and shrugged as it was read. Obviously, they still win at everything.
Emily Nokes wrote at length about Pussy Riot in this week's music lead.
The story has received massive international coverage and created a groundswell of support for the collective.
I promise I'm not on mushrooms, but I couldn't stop staring at the side of a Honey Bucket wondering how that logo came to be. It just looks so...drippy? Ew. Er...trippy?
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