
Lil Wayne Calling It Quits?: After releasing Tha Carter 5, Lil Wayne told Jimmy Kimmel he plans to retire and spend more time with his children. Does anyone actually believe when musicians say things like this anymore, particularly musicians as absurdly prolific as Wayne?
Sir Paul Invades Colbert: And plays a whole bunch of Beatles and Wings songs. He is a charming lad, that one.
Justin Bieber Is Finally Going to Space: On Christmas, with his manager and, oh I don't know, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet and Russell Brand. NBD for the Biebs. Just another day in the life.
Beth Gibbon Goes Solo: The Portishead frontwoman has a new album coming out, to be released via Domino Records.
"I Have Sex Real Good with Socks On": Quoth Big Boi in an entertaining GQ interview. Apparently "it's a secret that all men who slingin' heavy pipe know about." Wasn't Rachel's ex-fiance on Friends worried that she broke up with him because he wore his socks during sex?
Rose Windows Will Make You Feel Epic: The Windows' debut album The Sun Dogs comes out on June 25. Early word is very positive. Whet your appetite until then with "Native Dreams."
It's generally agreed that Nirvana's deceased frontman had pretty good musical taste for somebody who helped to garner some platinum records. More evidence of that comes courtesy of this handwritten list—via Flavor Wire via Kurt Cobain's Journals—of Kurt's top 50 albums. Along with a bunch of expected titles (Stooges' Raw Power, Pixies' Surfer Rosa, Bowie's The Man Who Sold the World, three Wipers LPs) there are some surprises: Mazzy Star (um, they didn't have a self-titled album), Swans' Raping a Slave, Saccharine Trust's first EP, the Clash's Combat Rock (not their best by any means). The inclusion of Public Enemy's It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back should be shocking, but for some reason it isn't.
Geek out, list-lovers and Kurt idolaters.
*Yes, I know this is old news. This whole thing was an elaborate scheme to get the Saints' "Know Your Product" on Line Out.
Jonathan Poneman Diagnosed with Parkinson's: The Sub Pop cofounder went public with his diagnosis this morning, explaining how grappling with the disease has given him a new perspective on his life. Many well wishes to Poneman and those close to him.
And Sharon Jones is Undergoing "Immediate Surgery" for Cancer: Canceling her tour and postponing release of her latest album. Luckily, the stage-one cancer on her bile duct (whoa! I didn't know that was a thing) is "operable and curable." Good luck to you in surgery, Ms. Jones!
Soulja Boy Takes on The Bachelorette: And makes a pretty amazing music video after recruiting the show's stars to be extras. Inane!
David Lynch to Release Second Album: Because people went crazy for Crazy Clown Time, apparently. Definitely curious to hear his collaboration with Lykke Li.
Everything That's Right with Music Today: Skrillex and Riff Raff have an album coming out together, Riff told MTV Australia.
Danny Brown Has the Best Laugh in the World: Check out Detroit rapper Danny Brown explain why he thinks cereal's overrated. Agreed! I don't eat soggy things either.
WHOA, this year's Puyallup Fair lineup looks nuts! I guess they always have some "famous" people playing out there every year, but doesn't this schedule look... over-the-top? And what, pray tell, does "An Evening With Kid Rock" mean? Do you have to like, hang out with him?
ONE MORE QUESTION: what gives with lady musicians' press photos being the worst? They're like generic, new-car commercials that haven't changed the formula in 30 years! "So Carrie Underwood, I'm thinking for you, we'll have a fan blow your hair back. While that's happening, just uhh, open your mouth a little. BRILLIANT. Nailed it."

To celebrate their 25th anniversary, Sub Pop just keeps on giving us great things—the label just announced the lineup for Silver Jubil-eve: A 15th Anniversary Comedy Thing (for Charity!), which will take place at the Moore Theater on Friday, July 12, the night before the totally free Silver Jubilee in Georgetown.
The the evening will feature Eugene Mirman, David Cross, H. Jon Benjamin, Kristen Schaal, and Kurt Braunholer. It will be hilarious! It's $25 and tickets go on sale June 7th (that's this Friday!) at 10 am via STGPresents.org.
Here's Mr. Mirman to tell you all about it:
In this month's Bust Magazine, Courtney Love admitted to putting out a Craigslist ad to find a new female bass player, which simply read:
Band in the style of Hole looking for bassist in the style of Melissa Auf der Maur.
She got exactly one response, leading her to again conclude that "there's just not a lot of chick bass players." This isn't the first time Love has tried to find a lady for the low end—if you have ever flipped through Dirty Blonde: The Diaries of Courtney Love, it has a copy of her original advertisement to find a new bass player twenty years prior:
[I want] someone who can play ok, and stand in front of 30,000 people, take off her shirt and have 'fuck you' written on her tits. If you're not afraid of me and you're not afraid to fucking say it, send a letter. No more pussies, no more fake girls, I want a whore from hell.
Aw, Courtney. I genuinely do hope that you find your whore from hell someday.
Take note, my summer babies! If you can't find a clean cup (or any cup) and you really need to hit that white wine, just cut a water bottle in half!

T-MINUS 1.5 HOURS UNTIL PRIMUS 3-D STARTS.

• Turns out Sigur Rós is loud enough, and precise enough, to hear every single note of every single instrument—the bass especially—all the way into the campground! Each note left the stage and wafted across the fields of galaxy leggings and Red Bull Zero cans right into our tent, where I tried to imagine which epic, galloping, war movie this kind of music would be best suited for—one with face paint and mythological weapons? Mostly though, I was wondering what it would be like to have the pressure of being a GOOD MUSICIAN ON A HUGE STAGE. What if you mangled one of those bass notes and then it floated around the Gorge forever like a shame ghost.
• Pop Chips, the free festival snack that polluted every music gathering from Block Party to Bumbershoot the last few years, IS ABSENT FROM 'SQUATCH 13! This is bummer news since I didn't bring any food or money, planning to stuff my socks, bra, and armpits with those delightfully salty little styro-chips. JAY KAY, who needs Pop Chips when there are bowls of free original-flavor Starbursts?
• Whoo BOY, the eye-rolliest interview took place behind me in the press hut last night. I couldn't tell who the interviewee was and both parties were speaking so softly, I thought they might start weeping.
- Actual interview question: "So, you're playing. It's personal. Eyes are closed. There are journeys in your music. You're going places. Do you see the crowd going places with you?"
- Actual interview answer: "Uh yeah, there are journeys for sure."
• The band Surfer Blood played yesterday. The music was no big—they sound like the bandiest band band of all band time... and uh, why doesn't anyone talk about this?
It wouldn't be the road to Sasquatch without a stop at Bob's Summit Deli* at the pass. And wouldn't you know they have the best book selection! Do I get both? They also had one called Northwest Disasters, but I can't imagine anything more boring than reading about forest fires and fully-clothed firemen.

*100% gas station, 0% deli.
HOLY SHIT, HELMS ALEE.
He's Baaaaaaack: Kim Kardashian's baby daddy has returned to Twitter, with a tantalizing tweet: "June Eighteen," prompting speculation that we're getting a new Kanye album this year.
Neutral Milk Hotel Plot World Domination: According to their tour manager, the recently reactivated Neutral Milk Hotel will soon embark on a tour that "will span the globe."
New Justice Album Available for Streaming: See for yourself if it lives up to the hype.
Deftones Pay Tribute to Chris Kelly: By mashing up "Engine No. 9" with "Jump." The crowd went appropriately nuts.
Say Hello to Chance the Rapper: Chicago's latest hiphop prodigy claims his new mixtape Acid Rain, which dropped yesterday, is "the best tape to come out in 2013." The year's still young but after hearing it, it's hard to argue with him.
And Finally, Hometown Heroes Shabazz Palaces Remix Animal Collective: This is pretty druggy.

"Set for release on June 18, 2013, the package marks the first-ever complete Sublime concert to be officially released on DVD and CD. This new release also celebrates the 25th anniversary of the seminal Long Beach, CA band, who performed their first official show on July 4, 1988 and went on to release a string of critically acclaimed hit singles."
I feel like the whole "sitting on a ball instead of a chair" thing is one of those hot fitness ideas that will make future generations of health experts tease the 2013s' inability to sniff out a scam. BUT, I came across one that had been abandoned in the office and it certainly looks more fun than the faux-leather daddy serious-business chair that came with my desk.
One hour has passed and it's all I can think about. Am I sitting up straight enough? Too straight? Is it cool to bounce on it from time to time? Are my coworkers annoyed or jealous that I'm sitting on a giant Lemonhead? Do you sit on a ball at work?
Forget what I just said about Amanda Palmer. Her poetry inspired me to write a poem of my own, for Reese Witherspoon, during her difficult time.
A Poem for Reese
you don't know how it felt to be in the womb but it must have been at least a little warmer than the heated seats in your car
you don't know how intimately they're recording your every move on closed-circuit cameras until you see your face reflected back at you through the mug shot (you look angelic, by the way)
you don't know how to stop picking your nose
you don't know how the cop doesn't know your name
you don't know how to stay in the car
you don't know how things could change so incredibly fast
you don't know how to "Walk the Line" in the field sobriety test
you don't know how to call a cab but the instructions are on the internet
you don't know the way back to the hotel
you don't know the way back to the hotel
you don't know the way back to the hotel
you don't know the way back to the hotel
Last night Pickwick performed at Safeco Field as part of the Mariner's home opening festivities and then this happened:
We did it guys!!! We're a "hipster band"!!!! twitter.com/PickwickMusic/…
— Pickwick (@PickwickMusic) April 9, 2013
So the word "hipster" is also officially done now, right? Let's say yes.
OKAY, let's take a break from music or whatever because this is the most newsworthy news item that ever newsed:
Theodore Roosevelt (you know, 26th President, said the thing about the big stick, cowboy, etc.), had FIVE guinea pigs! Their names were Dr. Johnson, Bishop Doane, Fighting Bob Evans, Admiral Dewey, and Father O’Grady. You can read about all his pets here.
This Sunday! Free! With happy hour all night! And some really excellent bands!

I'll bring jellybeans.