The Numbs is Seattle resident Jeff Johnson, formerly one half of the defunct "junk-funk" duo U, who's got a tape forthcoming on Couple Skate Records. Johnson will open tomorrow's thing, which is a benefit to get the venue a new PA, and will also feature Naomi Punk (who have a punishingly gorgeous record out on Couple Skate as well), The Mellennials,* Half Gift, and Stephanie. This is a BBQ thing, so I don't really know when it starts, but today is the last day it's supposed to be sunny for a while, and if you tell me you don't need som jams and BBQ before the shit weather comes again, I KNOW YOU'RE FUCKING LYING.

* Could not be located on internet.

In the meantime, you should go check out this stuff, cause we worked really hard on it and we think it's pretty good.

I learned from a web site how to make a disposable razor from common household items. If I made my own razor, I would shave every hair off my body. When I do something, I do it until everyone is bald. In an age when everyone instantly knows how to do everything, do you want me to do what everyone does? Do you want it done fast, or do you want it done until you’re completely hairless?

This is the perfect album to make out to until the slaughterhouse noises, the balloons squeaking, and the William Shatner monologue. Because this is the only album anyone owns, passion is always bittersweet.

Get 'em here while they last.

UPDATE: Stream the whole album here while you read.

Read nine writers on it here.

Am I the way I'm supposed to be, lying on top of you naked, eating a barbecue sandwich?

• "You read me wrong, I wasn't tryin' to lead you on / Not like you think. I didn't mean to turn you on / I know you Expected a one-night-stand. When I refused I knew you wouldn't understand / I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean to turn you on."

Song playing in QFC on Broadway and Pike: Robert Palmer’s “I Didn’t Mean to Turn You On.”

Purchased at QFC: Power Bars and carrot juice.

Laying Discarded on Ground Near Man in Utilikilt: World Book Encyclopedia U-V

The Take Away: The man in the Utilikilt was calling QFC to request “I Didn’t Mean to Turn You On” because when we looked at each other, he didn’t mean to turn me on. It was just his Utilikilt that turned me on. I walked in QFC, heard the song, and wanted to rave and disco, so I uncontrollably bought rave/disco food – Power Bars and carrot juice. The U-V encyclopedias were there because the universe was saying UTILIKILT, UTILIKILT, UTILIKILT.

Also in the encyclopedia: U for Urutu - a very poisonous South American viper snake that can grow up to two meters long. And the EE-11 Urutu - a 6x6 armored personnel carrier developed in the seventies by Engesa of Brazil. It used as many commercially available parts as possible.

This just in from former intern and all-around excellent dude Kenneth Piekarski:

At 2pm, the doors of my house will open. The community will received for a festival- the best single-day festival in Seattle to date- and tithe a small undisclosed donation that will go to support two bands that are going on a national tour of the USA: Mega Bog + Kusikia.

This house fest is called "Funny Button Fest" and showcases bands coming from between Portland, OR and Anacortes, WA- maybe even Vancouver, BC but if not, however, it is confirmed that there will be Canadian friends coming down to attend. There's also a few other out of state musicians including a cool lady funk-guitar player from South Dakota performing, "Amanda Conway". She played guitar in a birthday-jam on my birthday and it was spot-on.

If you live within the neighborhood the University District, you should come. If you live anywhere in Seattle, you should come. Really- the curation of today represents a majority of underrepresented artists and musicians in and outside of Seattle's burgeoning and eclectic music scene along with bands that get more frequent play. If you know what I'm talking about and subscribe to the circuit I speak of, you might very well be wondering who the majority of these bands are.

They are magic.

There will be a secret café to help raise money for Mega Bog and Kusikia. Sets will happen in twenty-minute intervals in different rooms of the house, throughout the day in accordance with the following schedule:

3:00 SANDY CITY / GARAGE
3:20 AMANDA CONWAY (South Dakota) / IN THE BACKYARD
3:40 LOSING LIES / GARAGE
4:00 LEXI LEE / BACKYARD
4:20 ERIN TANNER PUPPET SHOW / GARAGE
4:40 WOOL GATHERING (Boston, Maryland) / BACKYARD
5:00 YOUNGER SHOULDER / GARAGE
5:20 MOTORBIKES (Anacortes) / ERIN’S BEDROOM-SANDY BALCONY
5:40 PUNISHMENT / LILY’S BEDROOM-SECRET CLOSET AMP
6:00 SUNDANCE KIDS JR. / ERIN’S ROOM-SANDY BALCONY
6:20 HUNGRY CLOUD DARKENING (Anacortes) / LILLY’S ROOM-SECRET CLOSET
6:40 FABI NSAYI KATHERINE (PDX) /ERIN’S ROOM
7:00 THE WEBS / LILLY’S ROOM-SECRET CLOSET
7:20 LOOSE TIGHTS / ERIN’S ROOM-BALCONY
MAKE BELIEVE! IN THE LIVING ROOM!
7:40 MEGA BOG / LVING ROOM
8:00 KUSIKIA (PDX) / LIVING ROOM
8:20 HEATWARMER / LIVING ROOM
8:40 KARL BLAU (Anacortes) / LIVING ROOM
9:00 ZACHARY DAVID JAMMIN’ / LIVING ROOM
9:20 CRAIG PETERS FIND HIM, SINGING
9:40 CHUNG ANTIQUE / BASEMENT
10:00 FOOTWORK / BASEMENT
10:20 WaMü / BASEMENT
(INFINITE) SLASHED TIRES SOUND SYSTEM AMP EVERY ROOM IN THE HOUSE
Really, if you don't come to this, you're missing out.

For directions, hit this e-mail.

The Portland Cello Project is playing for free at Two Union Square at noon today! Jen Graves says:

If you do not already love the cello, it is only because you do not know it, because the cello is easily the most love-inspiring instrument ever built. Its sound is so warm, you'll swear it came from inside your body. The Portland Cello Project is an all-cello orchestra—joined by full brass and woodwind sections—that plays everything, and not in stuffy concert-hall settings, but in places like punk clubs and ballparks and, here, the Crocodile. They collaborate with metal bands and cover Kanye songs (see YouTube for "All of the Lights"). They also spread the love to jazz and classical, of course. But their gospel is the cello. The cello is the word and the light, and it is good.

They're also at the Triple Door on August 29.