

160th & Aurora: Shay’s Restaurant and Lounge. Monsoon falls from the sky. Noon time karaoke stays dry. All day breakfast here. A man and woman in their sixties are screaming AC/DC’s “Girls Got Rhythm”. They’re chain smokers and hate the rain. Pabst is all around.
“I've been around the world / I've seen a million girls / The girl's got rhythm / She’s got the backseat rhythm.”

The man is into it, but stumbles. They trade verses. She’s got Kool Menthol, egg-beer breath and hits the notes better than he does. She’s sloven, huge, and fresh with $100 in winnings from Goldie’s Casino up the street playing blackjack.
“She really satisfies me / Love me till I'm legless / Aching and sore / Enough to stop a freight train / Or start the Third World War.”
The couple challenges me to a game of Clue. My afro is with me. Let’s do this.
Those sassy pants over at Babeland, my #1 all-time-favorite-sex-toy-store-in-the-world, um, they sent me a new toy:

DJ your orgasm with the fabulously innovative Freestyle, from our friends at OhMiBod. Freestyle is the world’s first music-responsive vibrator combining state-of-the-art technology, ease of use, and unparalleled satisfaction; just hook it up to your iPod/iPhone/mp3 player/home audio system, and thrill to the rhythmic vibrations your favorite bump-and-grind music provides (or set it on manual to use like a regular vibrator). The wireless controls, shower-friendly insertable body, and 25-foot remote range liberate you to dance, gyrate, and come closer to the music than you’ve ever come before. And when you’re done exploring the seven programmed vibration patterns (adjustable independently from intensity with simple controls), just plug it in for two hours to recharge for up to five hours of continuous use. Perfect for the techie or music lover in your life!
They wondered if I might like to test it out before tomorrow's in-store event, "Sex and Rock N Roll", 8/29, from 3-6 pm, at Babeland, Capitol Hill. Problem is, I can't decide on a song. Please help!
The Air Sex Championchips were Saturday night in front of a sold-out crowd at El Corazon. You missed out if you weren't there. Here are a few of the highlights.







If you've got some nightlife awesomeness going on and you'd like to see it featured here on Line-out you can send an email to mhickey@thestranger.com to let us know about it.
But if any of you don't, just play these. I'm not saying a thing. Just play them.
They really like them. Naked sex! In front of everybody! Oops!

photo Christopher Nelson



photos by Piper Carr
That Belle & Sebastian's "Dirty Dream Number Two" is the greatest song about wet dreams ever?

It's been a long time since a club in town hosted a regular fetish night—RIP Sunday nights at the Vogue—but it looks like Seattle's got a brand new fetish night. Sexstanza—a first-Thursday-of-the-month fetish, kink, and costume dance party (can I come as Elisabeth Hasselbeck?)—kicks off tonight at Re-bar. More info here.
UPDATE: Russell in comments (on the Slog cross-post) responding to "it's been a long time since a club in town hosted a regular fetish night..."
Um, besides Grind at the Wet Spot you mean? Every Thursday for nine years and the most popular event there, thankyouverymuch ^-^
Sorry about that, Russell—yes, Grind at the Center for Sex Positive Culture is an asset and a treasure. But I was referring to a regular fetish night at a regular nightclub—an actual nightclub with booze and... well, with booze. While the Grind's atmosphere is "nightclub-like," according to the Center's website, it also notes, "As always: no alcohol," which is un-nightclub-like in the extreme. On the plus side Grind is open to anyone 18-and-over, so kinky underagers can get their freak on at Grind. For more info about Grind email grind@sexpositiveculture.org.
But we're all in agreement that Sexstanza is a terrible name for a fetish night—or any night. Grind is a much cooler name. The end.
Judging from the evidence of the eternal hits, country music is primarily devoted to big general themes like heartache and heartbreak and independence and true love. But once or twice in a while, things got more complicated, as these two classic tracks devoted to the dangers of swinging reveal.
First up, George Jones and Melba Montgomery lamenting their married-couple love for their best-friend fuck buddies in "Let's Invite Them Over":
But leave it to Dolly Parton to take it to the next level, spinning a minimalist psychodrama of nonconsensual swinging in "If I Lose My Mind":
Sorry for the weird Dolly collage that accompanies the song and gets in the way of the lyrics, which you can read in their entirety and without video interruption here.
(Thanks for the timely reminder of George and Melba, WoW Report.)
The sex survey results aren't all in yet—we're taking surveys (anonymous, easy... I'm running out of entendres) until tonight at midnight—but I just asked our data-cruncher extraordinaire Sheree Peña to grab a chunk of the data on the question about Seattle musicians and put it in visual terms. Sheree selected the first 3,800 responses to the question "Which Seattle musician would you most like to bang?" To make the data manageable, the survey has 13 names on it to choose from, with a 14th write-in option.

The winner so far? According to the Excel pie chart Sheree built in about five seconds...

The chicks in United State of Electronica are ahead of everyone, and winner among men so far—your eyes are not deceiving you—is a running tie between Dave Matthews (!?) and the entirety of Fleet Foxes (is it just a group-sex thing?). It's insane that Mr. Matthews or the bearded campers should chart so high, considering that Sabzi looks like this, Gary Smith looks like this, and Reitherman looks like this.* If you would like to have your say, the survey would love to hear from you.
* I am too gay to weigh in on the ladies, though I sat across a table from Zera Marvel very late at night recently and felt something special happening inside me.
The EMP's Pop Conference opens tonight with a conversation with Nona Hendryx, the queen of glam-funk (a branch/brand of black elegance):

That is one of the questions on The Stranger's 2009 Sex Survey. It's totally anonymous, and includes questions about how often you have sex, how often you look at porn, what kinky things you've tried (gotten your straight-boy ass pegged? worn a bag over your head in an erotic context? had sex while watching Anderson Cooper?), how much money it would take to get you to prostitute yourself, how you react when you catch your neighbors doing it, your sexual urges with regard to the Palin clan, whether you've ever done an intern, the sexiest thing you've done in the last year, the one thing you'd like to accomplish sexually before you die, and which members of the Obama Administration you'd invite to your Obama Administration orgy.
Again, totally anonymous. So tell the truth.