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Saturday, December 24, 2011

Sex / Gear On the Fifteenth Day of Christmas My Internet Gave to Me

Posted by Trent Moorman on Sat, Dec 24, 2011 at 2:48 PM

In one of the recorded creation myths, Huitzilopochtli made the first fire from which a half sun was created by Quetzalcoatl. - Wikipedia

Wikipedia
In one of the recorded creation myths, Huitzilopochtli made the first fire from which a half sun was created by Quetzalcoatl. - Wikipedia

A partridge and a “Personal Appeal” from a researcher on Wikipedia when I searched manaj a twa. Hey Wikipedia, can you take these things down? I’m trying to research monaje a troisses. This guy, in my opinion, looks like one of those guys who might dabble in some lard-slathering, gimp-ball activities in his free time. He seems like an animal. He doesn't make me want to donate money. During the day, I think he writes code, or creates functions. Yeah, yeah. He probably mows a normal-looking lawn. But when he wears his leather onesie, he might call himself Atlas, or Huitzilopochtli (hummingbird of the south, Aztec God of War). His real name is Buck (in my opinion). And he can only get boners at church.

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Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Sex / Shit Talk Meet K'ronikka. It's Funny 'Cuz It's [Almost] True

Posted by Kelly O on Tue, Dec 20, 2011 at 12:42 PM

K'ronikka isn't that different than Ke$ha. Or this numbnuts.

The world will end in 2012, and its Kronikkas fault.

The world will end in 2012, and it's K'ronikka's fault.

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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Sex Good Vibrations

Posted by Bree McKenna on Wed, Dec 14, 2011 at 8:43 AM

I was reading some hate about the "Little Rooster," an alarm clock for women that you wear in your underwear at night and wakes you up by vibrating at increased intensities (um...the site used the phrase "Snorgasm's.")

This made me think of the"Freestyle" vibrator I saw at Babeland awhile ago that plugs into your Ipod and syncs up vibrations with the music that you play. I wonder if you get to listen to music that you actually like for it to work, right? What if you only like singer/ songwriters...would you still be able to get off to the BPM of like, Cat Power? Or what if you have to change it up and listen to techno or speed metal to get the job done? Babeland also interviewed a few dj's to see what they would put on their playlist. I tried to ask M.L. Birdsall from Don't Stop Believin' Records what she would play but she dismissed it, saying she thinks that actually jerking off to this would be "annoying and impossible." Has anyone tried this thing? What do you play for the best results?

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Thursday, December 1, 2011

Sex / Death Yaqui (Ipecac) Way of Knowledge

Posted by Trent Moorman on Thu, Dec 1, 2011 at 2:22 PM

Look East.

Someone got in my car, heard Adele on the radio, and said, “Is this that unreleased Amy Winehouse stuff?”

Long story short, the person thought Adele was Amy Winehouse. He is Suzuki, a complete head. Suzuki has no idea what plays on the radio and hasn’t in five years. He’s unfettered. Suzuki likes to stare at his Koi fish and attempt to make bass sounds that are outside the human range of hearing. He listens to junky South American electronica, Sleeper, Hella, Tomahawk, and Charles Mingus. He’s antisocial and his headphones are practically growing into his skull.

Suzuki is like a sonic Carlos Castaneda and Ipecac Recordings is his Yaqui Way of Knowledge. Listening sessions with him are a training. I take notes when I’m with Suzuki and date them 1962:

After lunch, the man put water into my canteen, and two pieces of fresh wheat bread into my knapsack. Instructions: Walk on the road for about a mile, cut through a field, and in two hours there will be foothills standing south of town. Southpark? The I.D? Leschi? Climb to a clearing, press play on Miles Davis' “Rated X” off Panthalassa. Look East. Spit into dirt. Sky to cave in, or droop. Snake tongue.

I remember when I first heard Adele. I thought it was Amy Winehouse, too.

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Friday, November 4, 2011

Sex / ??!! / Video TGIF! Do You Know Where To Go To Get Some Good Crotch-Face?

Posted by Kelly O on Fri, Nov 4, 2011 at 2:44 PM

Just in case naming their collaboration "Duck Sauce" wasn't weird enough, DJs A-Trak and Armand Van Helden made this video. Holy crotch-face. Oh, soooo many crotch-faces.

"My mom was like, 'It's funny, but it makes me uncomfortable. I can't show it to your father,'" A-Trak says.

Meanwhile, Kanye West praised it for pushing the envelope. "You took a risk as an artist to piss out of your mouth," he told A-Trak over e-mail. —Rolling Stone

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Sex Music Poll, Premature Ejaculation Edition!

Posted by David Schmader on Fri, Nov 4, 2011 at 1:20 PM

On the heels of Anna's knocked up poll, here's another battle of the songs that cover similar thematic territory, specifically premature ejaculation.

Exhibit A:

Sample lyrics: "Relax, don't do it, when you want to come."

Exhibit B:

Sample lyrics: "Mama told me not to come. Mama told me not to come."

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Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Sex / Mischief Music Poll, Knocked Up Edition

Posted by Anna Minard on Wed, Nov 2, 2011 at 3:03 PM

To my shock and amazement, these are two songs that exist in the world. Which begs the question: Who would you rather be impregnated by, R. Kelly or Dwarves' Blag Dahlia?

Exhibit A:

Sample lyrics:
Chorus: "Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant/Lay your body down and get you pregnant (Knock you up)"

Also:
"I think both of us should leave this club/And get somewhere alone with me/Where there's no phones to ring/And plant this magic seed"

And:
"Put those pills on chill/And girl, give me my baby"

Oh yeah, AND!!!:
"Oh girl, I'mma take care of you/I'mma still hold you like we are brand new/So don't get it twisted: For thirty-something weeks, I'm still gonna hit it/Babysit it, babysit it"

Exhibit B:

(Warning: That's a casual, live, acoustic version. Sorry there's no yelling!)

Sample (okay, pretty much only) lyrics:
"Let's get pregnant right now/It's our only hope/Let's get pregnant/I need more welfare"

So...

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Friday, October 28, 2011

Sex / Legal / Teh Internets Thing I Saw on Reddit Just Now

Posted by Grant Brissey on Fri, Oct 28, 2011 at 9:49 AM

My dead grandmother is being sued by an adult entertainment company for copyright infringement. How do I handle this?

It's here.

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Friday, October 7, 2011

Sex / Photo Madonna's Leaked Nudie Pictures

Posted by Kelly O on Fri, Oct 7, 2011 at 1:42 PM

Do you wanna see Madonna's leaked nude photos? Sure you do (no, you don't) sure you do! >>>>CLICK ME<<<<

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Monday, September 19, 2011

Sex Lindsay Lohan Makes Out With Her Mom?

Posted by Kelly O on Mon, Sep 19, 2011 at 12:21 PM

Alright, maybe they're not full-on tonsil-tickling, but look at THESE PHOTOS. Okay, or not okay?

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Friday, September 2, 2011

Sex / Bumbershoot Barry White, Live, In Your Mouth

Posted by Trent Moorman on Fri, Sep 2, 2011 at 2:33 PM

I Want You the Way You Came Into This World

I Want You the Way You Came Into This World

Shishkaberries. Shishka:Berries. Chocolate dipped fruit on a stick. The domination of luxury. Here’s what to do when you get your shishkaberries at Bumbershoot: Take them and find a spot where you can lie down, and be alone for a minute. Or if you have purchased shishkaberries to enjoy with another person, have them lie down with you. Preferably on a patch of grass. Somewhere where you can close your eyes. Because when you take a bite out of a shishkaberry, Barry motherfucking White performs his hit song “Love Serenade” in your mouth. Barry White isn’t scheduled to play this year’s Bumbershoot, but that doesn’t matter. He will perform live, IN YOUR MOUTH, when you eat shishkaberries.

Now to Hall & Oates things I’ve overheard the past three days:

Person 1 to Person 2: “I thought Hall was dead.”
Person 2 to Person 1: “No, he joined Hooty & the Blowfish, and now they play country. And he did a thing with Slipknot that sucked pretty bad.”

Person 3 to Person 4: “If they don’t play “Your Kiss Is On My List” I’m gonna be fucking pissed.

Person 5 to Person 6: “Did you know that song “Rich Girl” is about Boy George?
Person 6 to Person 5: “Yes.”

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Monday, August 29, 2011

Sex / Zzzzzzzzzzzzz Wait, What Happens While She Sleeps?!?

Posted by Kelly O on Mon, Aug 29, 2011 at 10:09 AM

actual show information if you click the photo

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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Sex Yuja Wang: She's Got Legs & She Knows How to Use Them

Posted by Charles Mudede on Tue, Aug 23, 2011 at 2:24 PM

She wore a mini dress. Legs and everything all over the place. She played Rachmaninoff's Third Piano Concerto. This young woman has no sense of decency.

Some critics blame the 80s for this outrage. Others see it as the erosion of Chinese values. All of this worry, concern, distress about a pianist in a tight dress is nothing but delicious.

This post owes everything to Daranee Oakley.

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Monday, June 20, 2011

Art / Sex / ??!! Which is Sexier: Soft Metals Album Art or Washed Out Album Art?

Posted by Jason Baxter on Mon, Jun 20, 2011 at 12:20 PM

Soft Metals is out July 19th from Captured Tracks, Washed Out's Within and Without is out on July 12th from Sub Pop.

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Thursday, May 12, 2011

Sex / Cats / Guilty Pleasure Lady's Pussy Be Yankin

Posted by Kelly O on Thu, May 12, 2011 at 1:20 PM

Sorry for my naiveté, and/or the late pass, but someone just sent me this song, and it's freaking me out. It's got all my favorite things: guys in underwear-and-socks, push-up bras, push-up pantyhose, Four Loko in champagne flutes, and CHESTER'S® FLAMIN' HOT® Flavored Fries. It's also sorta the challenger of rap clowns with rape whistles. Lady here, she'll do all the raping. And the yankin. And the twerk'in.

H/T to King Randall William Phillips

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Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Sex / Song / Video Songs About Fucking HUMP-ing!

Posted by Kelly O on Wed, May 11, 2011 at 1:07 PM

Hey, listen up! You're familiar with this dirty, little Stranger film festival we like to call HUMP!, right? Well, it's time to make the donuts. This year at HUMP! 7, one filmmaker will take home FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS CASH. $4,000! So first-things-first, number one element in any good porn is the music. What song would, (I mean, WILL) you use for your HUMP! entry?

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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Art / Sex / ??!! Ernest Greene's Cosmopolitan Tastes

Posted by Jason Baxter on Tue, May 3, 2011 at 3:59 PM

Honestly, I'm usually floored by Sub Pop's album art every time, and I actually really dig the horndog cover to the forthcoming Washed Out full-length. Turns out, though, that someone caught the arts dept. red-handed. An enterprising tipster (probably a "hipster tipster," ugh, sorry) clued Pitchfork in to the fact that the very same mid-coitus snap that graces Within and Without also appeared in the April issue of Cosmo, alongside an article that asked "Is This the Most Satisfying Sex Position?"

Insert unimaginative chillwave joke here

"Insert unimaginative chillwave joke here"

Apparently the answer to that question, BTW, is the "Coital Alignment Technique," a surprisingly tame sex tip considering that it came from Cosmo, a magazine that once recommended gargling balls with a mouth full of champagne.

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Friday, April 29, 2011

Sex / Rick Springfield / Brain Fruit Who Doesn't Like Keytars, Boobs, and TGIF?

Posted by Kelly O on Fri, Apr 29, 2011 at 4:20 PM

It's finally Friday. It's 4:20 p.m. THIS is what my brain sounds like. Can you feel it too? Does any of this make sense?

h/t Knuck Yu!

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Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Sex Warren G is Very Concerned About Your Ability to Maintain an Erection

Posted by Ezra Ace Caraeff on Wed, Apr 27, 2011 at 11:24 AM

We all mourn the loss of Nate Dogg in different ways. Take for instance his former partner in rhyme, Warren G who is now a spokesperson for some sort of mailorder boner pill. I also like how the commercial implies that if you take this pill, you just might have group sex with five women and Warren G.

Good for him, coming out of the closet as West Coast hiphop's best bisexual gangster rapper. We're proud of you, buddy.

h/t: Prefix

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