Wake Me Up Before You Go Go!: Yesterday, George Michael, your favorite drug-addled car crasher, was airlifted to a hospital after obtaining minor injuries in yet another car accident! No word yet on whether or not it was his fault although such an assumption would not be unprecedented.

Straight to Hell on a Crazy Train!: To the surprise of no one and the agitation of everyone, Westboro Baptist Church announces that they will picket Jeff Hanneman's funeral in LA next week, chanting a parody of Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train".

Superbummer!: Lauren Ballance, bassist and co-founder of Superchunk, will not be joining the band on their upcoming promotional tour for the album I Hate Music (scheduled for release on August 20th on Merge records) due to a case of hyperacusis.

Rude Boy: Chris Brown, that stubborn pimple marring the face of pop culture, has confirmed that his next single "They Don't Know" will sample never-before-heard posthumous vocals from Aaliyah.

Out With the Old, In With the Oldish: Trent Reznor wasted no time finding a replacement for bassist Eric Avery, who earlier this week announced his departure from NIN to pursue his film career (?!). Avery's wake will be filled by former NIN and Guns N' Roses guitarist Robin Finck.

• Merge Records

Herewith, King Khan's statement about his signing to Merge Records. I've gotta say: I share his thoughts about Django Unchained. Though I wouldn't have expected him to incorporate comments about Quentin Tarantino, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Billy Crystal into his text, this is King Khan we're talking about. Long may he keep the censors—and the gate keepers of good taste—at bay:

Rumors have been flying about me being taped to three swans and traveling the world. Well, it was a rough ride but someone had to do it. After being called the "Beetlejuice of rock 'n roll," I have decided to join forces with the underworld and in doing so have reached a new all time low. Hell hath no fury as a swan taped to a fat Indian man.

I have finally found my new family in Merge records and as always I would much rather work with southern folk than city slickers (fuck Bill Crystal and his plastic face). It is a pleasure working with folks who eat ribs while they cure buffalo meat and sell rekkids. If I get a fair shot on the plantation of Merge maybe i will save Brunhilda and show my Indian penis to the world. Tell Quentin Tarantino that he should have let DiCaprio show the world his junk too to make the movie balanced . . .

With the addition of Khan and Barren Girls to their roster, Merge is getting noisier and noisier by the minute. Merge also represents Khan's highest profile label to date after stints on Sounds of Subterrania, Voodoo Rhythm, Hazelwood, Vicious Circle, and Vice. Here's hoping a Carla Wolff-King Khan duet comes to pass.

Filling the Hole in Your Heart: Courtney Love announces a Northeastern mini-tour with Starred! No word yet on who will be in her backing band.

Big Mouth: Today As I Lay Dying frontman Tim Lambesis pleads not guilty to allegations that he paid a man (known only as "Red") to "take care" of his wife. Lambesis was arrested on Tuesday after he allegedly mentioned to a fellow gym patron that he was planning to have his estranged wife murdered—classic rookie mistake.

The Show Must Go On: Justin Bieber kept a brave face during his show in Dubai when an overzealous fan rushed the stage and aggressively hugged (tackled) him. Bieber finished the set despite the scuffle in which a piano on stage COLLAPSED. He later tweeted: "Dubai. Nothing stops the show."

Velvet Underground on Maple Wood?!: Listen to the first ever laser-cut vinyl made from TREES using a 3D printer! Sounds like listening to "Sunday Morning" while standing next to a wood chipper. Still: ART!

Stigmata: David Bowie's new music video for "The Next Day" features Gary Oldman and Marion Cotillard doing a variety of weird things like bleeding from their hands and condemning a Christ-like Bowie. The video was initially removed from YouTube due to its abrasive (religious) imagery but has since been reinstated just with an adult-only rating.

"Titty to Titty": Surprise! Snoop Lions says a bunch of fucked up shit in a Rolling Stone interview!

Here's a sunny song by the Beets off their 2011 album Let the Poison Out!

The Beets will be playing with CMRTYZ on May 18th at Barboza, 8 pm, $8.

Great cause, funny choice of band...

Backing bands include Night Nurse, the Cutting Crew, and Dead Can Dance, who will end the show with an extendo-jam on "Bad Medicine."

• Kelly O
• Crypts, fresh out of the operating room.

For sale right here.

If link is dead, screenshot here.

Unrelated: Ben Harper & actor Laura Dern are currently in the middle of a divorce.

The first mention of a Breeders reunion was for the 2013 "installment" of All Tomorrow's Parties; the '92 line up is going to celebrate the 20th anniversary of Last Splash by playing, you guessed it, Last Splash from front to back. Well, they added more dates, however, there is only one American, a Brooklyn, date?

03-29 Brooklyn, NY - The Bell House
05-24 Barcelona, Spain - Primavera
05-27 Toulouse, France - Le Bikini
05-28 Bordeaux, France - Le Rocher De Palmer
06-01 Paris, France - Trianon
06-02 Brussels, Belgium - Ancienne Belgique
06-03 Amsterdam, Holland - Paradiso
06-21 Camber Sands, England - All Tomorrow's Parties

Maybe this will open the band up to more shows. I can't imagine it not being a huge success. Shit, it couldn't be worse than a Black Flag reuinion, RIGHT?!?