The Stranger, Seattle's Only Newspaper: Line Out: International

Kylie Minogue's Weird Fashion Book: Kylie Fashion

Emily Nokes — Wed, 29 May 2013 16:36:50 -0700

I don't really know anything about fashion, but I know it when I see it... and a leather bikini and red jeans is not a fashion.

I don't think so.

Just literally say anything and we will put it on the back of this book.

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Ye'! Ye'! More Jacques Dutronc!

Mike Nipper — Mon, 06 May 2013 14:08:22 -0700

I first wrote about Jacques Dutronc back in December—the post featured his stellar, and always in rotation at '60s clubs, "Le Responsable." Well, last week as I was sussin' out some French/Québécois EPs, I snagged a Dutronc EP I didn't already have. Besides the usual folky/pop dreck most '60s Euro EPs contain (even Dutronc's), it also features the track, "A la Queue les Yvelines;" a cool JD jam I'd never heard.

Um, this ain't ye'-ye' or trad folky French sing-a-long junk—"A la Queue les Yvelines" is heavy, pierced with blistering stabs of fuzz, AND syncopated. It's prolly as proggy as Dutronc would ever get; AND it's still danceable. The only other HEAVY JD jam I've heard is, perhaps, "L´augmentation." While still fantastique, it makes me wanna headbang, not move my dancin' feet!!

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

LITA Reissues Four Great '70s Albums by Marcos Valle

Dave Segal — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 08:12:00 -0800

Brazilian composer/musician Marcos Valle is a master of the orchestral pop that exudes a bronzed euphoria and a light yet substantial soulfulness. A surfer with long blond hair, Valle is the Brazilian counterpart to America’s Rotary Connection. The man could write the hell out of a heavenly arrangement.

On the four albums Seattle/LA label Light in the Attic is reissuing in January and February—Marcos Valle (1970), Garra (1971), Vento Sul (1972), and Previsão Do Tempo (1973)—Valle purveys a post-bossa, hybridized pop that can be sublimely ebullient or gloriously melancholy. His songs are hummable, but not in blatant ways. He’s an impeccable craftsman, kind of in the vein of Caetano Veloso in his more accessible modes, blending light psychedelia, soul, samba, and baião. Valle also sings the slyly subversive lyrics of his brother Paolo Sergio in a burnished baritone that’s somewhere between Veloso and Gilberto Gil. The delivery’s all about a restraint that’s innately seductive—a style that so many Brazilian artists have mastered.

Garra is my favorite of the quartet, but they’re all worth immersive listening. Valle was at his peak powers here, and these songs have a deathless quality; they stand up to repeated listens as well as anything in the David Axelrod or Charles Stepney canons. The eponymous Marcos Valle, recorded with the great baroque psych-prog band Som Imaginário, is probably the most instantly catchy collection of the four. Recorded with the rock group O Terço, Vento Sul is an incredibly subtle, baroquely beautiful work, elevated by gorgeous flute motifs by Paolo Guimarães. Previsão Do Tempo has a very suave, quasi-exotica vibe to it, and possesses a menagerie of eccentric textures and unpredictable, jazz-fusiony song structures.

Valle’s music is not as off the wall as that by Tropicalia’s oddest proponents like Os Mutantes or Tom Zé, and maybe that’s why underground-music heads haven’t really cottoned to it—or maybe Valle’s records were simply harder to find than those of his Brazilian counterparts. Whatever the case, LITA has gone a long way in getting some of Valle’s most important recordings back in circulation.

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Orcas in Contention for France's Qwartz Award

Dave Segal — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 08:39:24 -0800

Seattle pastoral, electronic duo Orcas have been nominated for a Qwartz Music Award in France for their serenely beautiful self-titled 2012 album on Morr Music. They're going up against works by Alva Noto, Andrew Pekler, former Seattle musician Filastine, and others. You can vote for Orcas—Rafael Anton Irisarri (the Sight Below) and Thomas Meluch (BenoÎt Pioulard)—here.

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

RE: Is Coloured Balls' "That’s What Mama Said" Oz Rock's Zenith?

Mike Nipper — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 14:13:13 -0800

Yesterday Mr. Segal asked "What’s the greatest rock song by an Australian band?" His answer, obviously, was Coloured Balls' "That’s What Mama Said." I LOVE that song!! However, it's a tough call to pick the BEST Oz rock track, but I'm gonna TRY - my pick is Zoot's heavy sike jam "Strange Things." It's a bit of spring, 1968 released in 1970.

Also of note: The D-Coys "You're Against" and Robbie Peters' SLAYING of the Zombies' "She Does Everything For Me."

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

"Le Responsable" Is My Fave Dutronc Jam

Mike Nipper — Thu, 27 Dec 2012 08:17:51 -0800

My French is AWFUL, like I only know how to...French kiss (!!hubba hubba!!), ah oui' oui'!!! It's true. I have no idea if I'm any good tho'... ANYWAY, so Jacques Dutronc is well known the world over; however, I'm not sure if folks in the US care much. Um...for lack of a better comparison, please correct me if I'm wrong, but he was SORTA the male version of FranÇoise Hardy. He was a pop singer, for sure, but never had the "adult" nods other French vocalists were afforded. His entire '60s catalog is fantastic, tho'. Most of it is on EP, too, so FOUR songs per record...YEAH!! However, outta all his action, "Le Responsable" is TOPS!!

DAMN...this song rules. Everyone that knows it, loves it, and it always fills the dance floor. I could almost hear this playing at Emerald City Soul Club.

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Today's Music News: Heroin Diaries, Nirvana, and a Fiddler

Pamela Sternin — Fri, 16 Nov 2012 11:31:16 -0800

R.I.P.: Martin Fay, Fiddler for the Chieftains, has died.

Experience the Experience: A must-see Jimi Hendrix exhibit opens at EMP on November 17th. Still no word on mass stratocaster burning flash mob.

Broadway Nod's Off: Nikki Sixx plans to release The Heroin Diaries as a Broadway play in late 2013 or early 2014.

Free Mixtape: Geoff Rickly of Thursday has slapped together a few songs he recorded in his apartment with a few friends—download it for free here.

Nirvana On Tour!: ...via winter of 1989! Bruce Pavitt regales us in tails of Nirvana and Tad's Heavier Than Heaven European tour in his book Experiencing Nirvana. Chock-full of never-before-seen photos and more currently available as an eBook through iTunes.

Mile High Club: Rihanna seals day two of her 777 Tour. Definition of 777 Tour: 200 frenzied media professionals and professional Rihanna fans + One Rihanna + the worlds lamest carbon foot print.

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Chromatics' Small Hours Mixes of Unreleased Material From the Kill for Love Sessions

Grant Brissey — Mon, 05 Nov 2012 11:59:23 -0800

Every recording deserves a story this fitting:

Jet lagged & buzzing from Friday's show in Paris, I couldn't sleep...so I stayed up all night with Oko talking about color based dreams while blending these tracks together. Since the album came out, a lot of people on the road have been telling us they are curious to hear some of the unreleased music from the Kill For Love sessions...Recorded November 2009 through December 2011, these songs were all mixed between 4 & 6 a.m. After hours of tracking at the studio in Montreal, we'd clear the channels on the mixer, open a bottle of wine, & feel around in the dark...working our way through the atmospheric elements & peeling back layers of rhythm...throwing the songs into the abstract pile & playing them while driving home in the snow. In Amsterdam right now trying to upload it from the hotel. Fingers crossed...

Wrote Chromatics et al. member Johnny Jewel of Running from the Sun the stream you're likely listening to right now, and which was posted to Soundcloud about 16 hours ago and already boasts 10900 plays. It doesn't hurt that Jewel and the Chromatics have always demonstrated such a highly refined sense of mood and cinematics in their music—be it from the Chromatics' pre-Jewel days—Plaster Hounds and Chome Rats vs Basement Ruts—to their more recent work and side projects. Consider, for instance, Jewel's project Symmetry and their Themes for an Imaginary Film:

Themes, which Charlie Swanson wrote about here, is comprised largely of material that was supposed to become the score for the film Drive but ultimately got scrapped for Cliff Martinez's soundtrack due to miscommunication (Jewel ended up contributing Chromatics' "Tick of the Clock" and Desire's "Under Your Spell"), but it's a moody, artful force on its own.

Then go ahead and consider the music of the aforementioned Desire, Glass Candy's entire body of work. Or, for that matter, any of Chromatics' work after those first albums—namely 2007's excellent Night Drive and this year's Kill for Love.

I can remember feeling more than a little disappointment when Adam Miller completely abandoned the Chromatics' early-phase basement lust-and-thrust and transformed into something similar to how they sound today—graceful, subtle, and coolly urbane, but wholly sincere. It was at a Chromatics show with a handful of people in the upstairs at Neumos (remember when they had shows up there?) and feeling like I'd missed their prime. But years later I can't get enough of this stuff. It seethes that nebulous globalized-isolation beauty that pervades my life these days. And recent years seem like the first time that music can address a sense of futurism in a way that no longer sounds like a guess; we’re living in a fantastical age of rapidly expanding technology and worldwide connectedness. Jewel and Miller are masters of melding that feeling with the romanticism you experience after the sun goes down. It's always the middle of the night somewhere.

"This is uploaded to my car," reads one of the first comments on Soundcloud. "Tonight I'll drive the hills."

This story has been updated since its orignal publication.

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Pirate Bay Moves to the Clouds

Grant Brissey — Wed, 17 Oct 2012 17:54:11 -0700

Remember Pirate Bay? The outfit who got raided all the way back in 2006 for allegedly being in possession of technology that allows third parties to commit copyright infringement? They were before Wikileaks, before Megaupload. Today brings the news that Pirate Bay has moved its server capacity to the clouds, hosted on servers scattered around the world.

What does this mean? Basically, they're now claiming to be impervious to police raids, more of which have been rumored of late, as well as cloud-provider cut-offs, and bankruptcies. And it makes sense. Obviously, the rules differ with each border you cross. (In Japan, for instance, you can get up to two years for downloading and 10 for uploading, plus respective fines.), and, they told Torrent Freak, “If the police decide to raid us again there are no servers to take, just a transit router. If they follow the trail to the next country and find the load balancer, there is just a disk-less server there. In case they find out where the cloud provider is, all they can get are encrypted disk-images."

What's more, the hosting providers have no idea they're hosting TPB, as all communication with the users goes through a load balancer, which is a disk-less server with all of its configuration in RAM. Then that communication is encrypted, so "they can’t look at the content of user traffic or user’s IP-addresses," and that's going to make it a lot harder to track downloaders.

Meanwhile, TPB is planning a giant party in Stockholm for its 10th anniversary. Read the Facebook post after the jump.

IT'S TIME TO PARTY!

2013 marks the 10th year of The Pirate Bay.

10 years is a lot on the internet timeline.
When we first launched the tracker on a crappy laptop in Mexico, every tenth person on this planet used the internet. Today, every third one does. Hundreds of millions of people in pretty much every country in the world uses our site.

So, it's time to celebrate the history and embrace the future. Let the world know that YOU are a part of The Pirate Bay.

IT'S TIME TO PARTY!

Let's meet up! It's time to see the face of your fellow pirates. To shout "seeed!!1" in public! To drink rum and wear eye patches like in the old days!

How do we do it? Like we've always done!
We, TPB, offer you a platform. In this case, a date and a place.
You, our proud pirates, fill it with whatever activities you see fit.

Street party? Bring it on!
Copy party? You betcha!
Pirate parade? We hope so!
Hacker workshops? Do it!
Pirate revolution? Wouldn't expect anything less!

IT'S TIME TO PARTY!

The main party will be in Stockholm Sweden.
To honor The Pirate Bays founding fathers, that now face legal trouble for what they have given us all.

We expect people from all over the world to join in. Start saving now for the trip of your life!

Let Stockholm taste some piracy!

IT'S TIME TO PARTY!

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Today's Music News: Reatard, Norweigan Surf, and Freedom!

Pamela Sternin — Thu, 11 Oct 2012 12:44:15 -0700

Calling All Guitarists!: Where do you stand on the Trustworthiness of Guitars timeline, you douchebag?

Tell Us How You Really Feel: Godspeed You! Black Emperor have something to get off their chest about music today, and they're fired and fed up.

Retarded for Reatard: Expect a DVD, vinyl, and book release containing new footage and insightful tidbits come December 18th from the late Jay Reatard camp.

Black Has Deadly Fists: OFF! has a new video out and Jack Black has his hands full...of guts!

Church Burnin' Surf Party!: Put on your corpse paint and head to the shore 'cause these black metal tunes will have you shooting the curl, Norway surf style.

Free the Pussy Two!: Yekaterina Samutsevich, of famed Russian feminist band Pussy Riot, has her prison term suspended! One down, two to go.

Smart Phone "Do's": Your cell phone company knows more about you than your better-half does. For all Verizon wireless users concerned about their privacy, click here for opt-out options.

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Lady Gaga Gags

Kelly O — Mon, 08 Oct 2012 11:38:42 -0700

Never one to be outdone (especially not by Justin Bieber!)—Lady Gaga got gaggy and barfed three times onstage in Barcelona, Spain on Saturday. What a frickin' badass—she barely stops singing.

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

The Black Lips On Tour in the Middle East

Brendan Kiley — Fri, 05 Oct 2012 09:13:56 -0700

Bill Cody is a filmmaker and occasional Stranger contributor. (See his 2007 story "Shooting in Iraq" about mentoring young filmmakers in Iraqi Kurdistan.) He is currently on tour through the Middle East with the garage/flower-punks the Black Lips—Cyprus, Egypt, Dubai, Iraq, Jordan, and Beirut—shooting for a documentary as he goes, and sending us occasional emails and photos when his internet connection permits. —Eds.

Hi Brendan: Bill Cody here. Filmmaker and sometime producer of the wild journey that is the Black Lips Middle East Tour with Lazzy Lung from Beirut, Lebanon. They said it couldn't be done but we are doing it. Here's a photo of both bands in Cyprus with their tour manager, Nadim Jamal:

Bill Cody

Here's a picture of Cole Alexander playing in front of a crowd of apprecitive skate punks in Alexandria, Egypt, which they call "the Seattle of Egypt" because the scene here is so vibrant.

Bill Cody

Here's a Black Lips fan in Alexandria. Same as in the States:

Bill Cody

Here we are checking out the Pyramids at Giza:

Bill Cody

A shot from Cairo, another city on the tour:

Bill Cody

The other night we spent an evening talking with members of the BDS Boycott group. They want all artists to stop playing Israel and we had a discussion about the Black Lips playing in Israel in 2007. It was a great conversation to have and once again we were able to explore the similarities and get past the differences.

The Middle East is filled with people just like everywhere else and the kids just want to have fun like everyone else.

The whole tour has been an incredible contradiction in some ways, but only to people who can't think out of the box. The shows have been smaller but every bit as intense as US shows for the band. The difference is the bonding before and after the shows.

Something is happening here in the Middle East. They just need time for it to grow.

More soon,
Bill

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Got a Passport and Some Days to Burn? Head North to Olio Festival

Grant Brissey — Wed, 19 Sep 2012 14:26:50 -0700

Ever go north to Vancouver and then when you get there don't know what the hell to do with your night? WELL I HAVE, FRIEND. This is when you do yourself what they call "a solid" (I don't know what industry it is, but I know it happens.) and let Vancouver's Olio Festival spell it all out for you.

Wikipedia Commons

Olio is something like Seattle's City Arts Festival, in that it takes place in venues throughout the city, and it carries on for several days (see the schedule here). And as luck would have it for you, person who has a passport and some days to burn, the thing starts tonight. For instance, you could be up there tomorrow to see our own man, King Dude, or maybe Seattle's Kithkin, but you don't go to a different country to see somebody from your own area code, do you?

You could go there to see, maybe, Denver's Bankrobber:

If God Is Love Then Hate Is Real by BANKROBBER

But really, don't let me guess what you like. Just go look at the schedule and vet anything that sounds good and plan your attack before you jump in the car. Don't forget to take out the car bong. Also, don't forget that the mounties up there do mandatory checkpoints. That shit can be a real bummer.

Things I would see if I weren't chained to a computer eking out a meager living in my Section 8 housing: Canadians, Man Wolfs, Hot Panda, Needs, Natural Child (who has a better album cover than that?), more Canadians. Vancouver is absolutely rotten with great bands right now.

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

These Strypes Are Only Strypes That Matter

Mike Nipper — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 15:16:46 -0700

GODAMN.

These kids, the Strypes, are teenagers from Cavan, Ireland, and they fucking KILL IT, like it oughta be KILT. Seriously, the average age of this group is 15 years old, but they out play, and out dress, 99% of the garage bands I've heard in the last decade. These boys got it and they're using it to take over Europe. Dig their blistering version of "You Can't Judge a Book by the Cover." I pray they visit the States 'cause someone needs to show the unshaven, "intellectual," and somewhat slightly sweaty lookin' garage wanna-bes how it's done.

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

The XX Stream New Album, Partner With Microsoft

Grant Brissey — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 13:16:31 -0700

So, I think this is kind of neat. It's also a pretty ingenious marketing campaign. If you go over here and share the stream of Coexist, the new album from the xx, (or is it The XX? Confusionz!), you can track the thing* as it goes viral. The drive is a partnership with Microsoft, who gets points for not forcing people to use Explorer to see it. I guess they wanted people to actually use it.) I don't know how accurate it is, and I'm by no means any sort of techno-wiz, but it's still pretty fun to take a peek at and then think about the world and life and technology and mass communication and what it all means while listening to the record, which is pretty damn lovely.

* Unsurprisingly, it takes forever to load, so hunker down and check back on the tab in a bit.

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Pussy Riot Verdict: Two Years

Grant Brissey — Fri, 17 Aug 2012 09:04:22 -0700

The verdict just in:

Judge Marina Syrova convicted the women of hooliganism motivated by religious hatred, saying they had "crudely undermined social order" [and that] Maria Alyokhina, 24, Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, 22, and Yekaterina Samutsevich, 29, had offended the feelings of Orthodox believers and shown a "complete lack of respect".

That the decision comes as little surprise makes it no less crappy. Still, the women smiled and shrugged as it was read. Obviously, they still win at everything.

Emily Nokes wrote at length about Pussy Riot in this week's music lead.

The story has received massive international coverage and created a groundswell of support for the collective.

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Olympsicks 2012

Dean Fawkes — Sat, 04 Aug 2012 08:54:17 -0700

Despite having the most relatively incontestable Opening Ceremony music in the history of the Olympics — from O.M.D. to Sugababes to The Kinks, The Jam, The Sex Pistols, David Holmes, Rizzle Kicks, Happy Mondays, and Underworld — and a series of closing shows featuring the likes of New Order, The Specials, Take That, The Who, Pet Shop Boys, the Spice Girls, and Blur, official songs about sports are always worth about as much as aromatherapy to a brick, and the British are still trying to somehow make new attempts that defy tradition.

Thing is, there's no real reason why singing of pools or round things being chucked on some grass is any more absurd than the usual club/love/politics clichés that've been plugging up both indie and mainstream music since Year Zero.

So why is it so depressingly impossible to pull it off?

Muse, Elton John, and Delphic are limp noodles, but some of the other contenders follow below in no logical order.

Something has to deserve the record button.

Something.

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Pussy Riot Still In Jail...

Kelly O — Thu, 26 Jul 2012 12:52:49 -0700

... and a man, an artist, doth protest—by sewing his mouth shut. This was probably inspired by David Wojnarowicz, but it's perfectly radical all the same.

I wish I knew what I could do, personally, to support Pussy Riot, aside from donating money. Any ideas, anyone?

On July 24, 2012, Russian artist Pyotr Pavlensky walked into the Kazansky Cathedral carrying a placard in support of punk rock band Pussy Riot, with his mouth sewn shut with red string.

Pavlensky was protesting the prolonged incarceration of three members of Pussy Riot, who allegedly performed an anti-Vladimir Putin song at Moscow’s Christ the Savior Cathedral on February 21st, two weeks before March’s presidential vote. In their “punk prayer,” they asked Mother Mary to deliver Russia from Putin’s third presidential term. The following month, three band members were arrested.

Baloji - Karibu Ya Bintou

Sean Jewell — Wed, 18 Jul 2012 11:42:05 -0700

DJ and musical mastermind Gilles Peterson curated a festival in London this weekend called Traction. Among the few he chose to play were grime pop group Plugs, and classical interpreters of EDM The Brandt Brauer Frick Ensemble, who are both, shall we say, interesting. But the one who stood out the most to me was Baloji, whose sound draws heavily on Congolese Zaiko, and I just had to share.

Born in the Congo in 1978, Baloji ended up in Belgium at the age of 3 and was a rapping by the time he was 16. Check this amazing video from his 2010 album Kinshasa Succursale, shot in the streets of Kinshasa and inspired by Muhammad Ali's legendary "Rumble In The Jungle" there.

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Ms. Shystie Science Theater 3000

Dean Fawkes — Sun, 15 Jul 2012 10:32:32 -0700

Thanks to Anna Minard's heads-up, our favorite moment of Azealia Banks's first full mixtape is the surprise appearance by grime's Shystie.

Despite its highlights, Shystie's 2004 major-label debut Diamond In The Dirt was a bit of a rushed and stillborn affair that failed to fully extract her talents, which prevented her from grabbing the British black dance-culture cross-over baton from the likes of Ms. Dynamite or Kano, both of whom she previously and subsequently worked with to fantastic effect.

A real treat, then, to hear her pop up and run the road on all cylinders again.

Let's leap down the memory-hole.

[Three more clips after the cut.]

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

21st Century Africa: "I Like Beyonce"

Charles Mudede — Mon, 25 Jun 2012 15:58:55 -0700

Yes, that's Oliver Twist dancing like an African (post-colonial theory needs to up its game).Yes, that's him at the end.

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Post-Colonial Pop

Charles Mudede — Tue, 01 May 2012 13:33:45 -0700

He is a revolutionary. She is a peasant girl. She fears he will rise to power and leave her for the fancy white lady—the sister of their oppressor. He reassures her that his heart is her heart. He is a peasant; she is a peasant. They are one. They are meant for each other. They will raise children and chickens together. Happiness is a homegrown girl. But how can the revolutionary resist the imperial beauty of the white lady? She wants him as badly as the peasant girl wants him. Who will he pick? The movie is Lagaan; the music is by A. R. Rahman.

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Midnight Haiku

Sarah Galvin — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 18:13:38 -0700

I know I'm a man, with my bulldozer and my dozens of illegitimate children, and the way I explode in the microwave and glow under a blacklight, but all I really want is to be your pretty lady. I used to look in the mirror as a child and imagine myself as a princess, a princess with hair made of cotton candy like Princess Lolly from Candy Land—the kind of lady with a liquid metal exoskeleton and a hypotenuse whose length is impossible to calculate, who comes down the chimney once a year and metastasizes so quickly that radiation can't stop her.

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Your Five-Disc CD Changer Is to Blame for Fucking Up the Organization of Your CD Collection

Grant Brissey — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 08:41:33 -0700

Real story: I still listen to CDs. Over the course of my week off—where I did not go anywhere because I did not have any money and was exhausted in general—I spent more time than I care to admit locating errant CDs in stacks and strewn across my desk and reuniting them with errant CD cases in stacks and strewn across the desk. The reason: I own a 5-Disc CD changer. If you've got a single-disc player, you're set—one in, one out. Not so with a blasted changer! You're excited when you're putting in a new disc; You want to hear it now. Therefore, before you know it, you've got a shitload of CDs all over the place. Then you end up spending time during your week off sorting them all out and telling yourself that life is too short. Good morning and welcome back to me!

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Help Send This Seattle Band to London

Kelly O — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 16:58:11 -0700

I've not yet seen Ayron Jones and the Way, but Miss Megan Seling has, and she says "Dude can fucking SHRED!"

Ayron Jones and the Way made it to the second round of contest called "Rising: A Global Battle of the Bands," and they're the only Seattle band still in the running. If they win, they go to London and open for m*therfucking Bruce "I know the meaning of music" Springsteen at Hyde Park.

Voting is easy, free, and you get a free download. Do it. Vote now.

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Music Intern Sought

Grant Brissey — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 11:53:23 -0700

Are you a hilarious writer and also a glutton for punishment? Do you know what a content management system is? Do you smell good? If you answered yes to at least two of these three questions, we (might) want you!!! Please send writing samples and some coherent/relevant sentences to this address. If chosen, you will be rewarded with a shitload of work and the chance to put the best newspaper in the history of newspapers on your resume. Happy hunting.

Polite Interloper #3: Celery Duff

Gabby Shrimpter — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 10:38:21 -0700

Editor's note: Polite Interloper usually appears on Monday, but Gabby suffered a sprained ankle during a particularly rigorous flag football game and therefore could not type yesterday.

Thank you for calling your (REDACTED). For the bakery or deli department, please press one. For meat or seafood, press two. For the floral or produce department, press three. For the wine department or Starbucks, press four. To reach the pharmacy, press five. For store information, please press eight. Please remain on the line to hear this menu again. For all other departments or to speak to a customer service representative, please press zero.

(beep)

One moment please.

(five rings)

(GREETING REDACTED)

Hi, um, I'm a student at the local university, my name is Gabby.

Okay.

And I'm doing a survey about celebrities.

And you're calling a business at three o'clock in the morning?

I was wondering if you could tell me what celebrity each of these words remind you of. Number One, Celery Duff.

No thanks. (hangs up)

(three rings)

(GREETING REDACTED)

Hello, 24-hour Del Taco?

Yep.

Um, I was wondering, uh, I have a friend who I'm supposed to be meeting there. I was wondering, is there a person there by the name of Celery Duff?

Not that I know of.

Carmen Diaz?

Nope.

Leonardo Decarprio?

(hangs up)

(GREETING REDACTED)

Pigeon.

What was that?

Pigeon.

Pigeon! (makes pigeon noises)

Pigeon.

Crow.

Pigeon.

Pigeon toe.

Pi-HI! Um, I had a quick question for you.

Yep.

Um, If I say Tommy Hilfinger to you, what does that make you think of?

Um, I'm gonna put my fist in your ass.

Pigeon.

Cameltoe.

(hangs up)

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Polite Interloper: Sushi + French

Gabby Shrimpter — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 11:06:35 -0700

I was um, I'm going to write a story about this show and I was wondering if I could ask you a couple of questions?
Would you mind asking me?

So what did you think about the show?
Well I mean, I fucking can't...Polly is my best friend.

Is that true?
It's very true.

How long have you known her?
25 years. I've seen the ins and outs.

Would you say that you're a fan of music in general?
Huge fan of music!

What type of musics do you like the most?
I like, uh, hip hop generally.

What kind of hip hop do you like?
Well what, are you getting...I'm a big Snoop Dogg fan.

Snoop Dogg in particular?
Snoop Dogg is my favorite.

What do you do during the day?
I do hair. I'm a hair colorist.

Um and, for fun what do you do?
Uh, have sex!

What are your favorite types of food?
Sushi and French.

French food and sushi. Okay, is there anything else you'd like to add?
I'd like to add that I would like to know your name and then we can play a round of Farkle.

I don't know what that is. What is it?
A dice game.

I don't play dice.
Well then you're gonna fuckin' learn how to.

Okay, um, thank you very much.
Can I have a kiss?

Can you have a kiss?

Can I have a kiss?

I'm married.
I'm fucking married too!

Uh uh, my wife would kill me.
Oh my God, look at my...there's my girl!

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Happy International Women's Day...

Kelly O — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 13:13:46 -0800

.... from the bathroom of the Pony Bar.

Always stand by your clam (and tell the world you love her!)

Jodi Ecklund

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

France's Strange Hands

Grant Brissey — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 11:58:07 -0800

Here's another little gem from Bordeaux affiliated both geographically and sonically with J.C. Satan, who I've been blabbing about for some time now. Another affiliation: Shit Music for Shit People, whose blog I've been mining lately for those hedonist garage sounds after exhausting resources stateside. Please enjoy or not:

DEAD FROZEN DEER by STRANGE HANDS

[ Comment on this story ]

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]