The Stranger, Seattle's Only Newspaper: Line Out: Crap

Sad Headline of the Day: "Bill Ward Was Dropped From Black Sabbath Reunion Because He Couldn't Remember the Songs"

Kelly O — Tue, 07 May 2013 14:10:28 -0700

Ozzy Osbourne claims Black Sabbath drummer Bill Ward was dropped from the band reunion because he struggled to remember all their songs...

...“We looked at Bill and he couldn’t remember what the fuck we were doing..."

Poor Bill Ward. It's gotta be harsh when Ozzy "Mumblecore" Osbourne says just you're too old. Geezer Butler, however, is still in the band.

Black Sabbath plays The Gorge on 8/24/13.

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Today's Music News: Franken-bands, non-fatal shootings, and Sigur Rós on The Simpsons

Katie Martin — Fri, 03 May 2013 15:46:06 -0700

Tearjerker: Beastie Boys' fallen member Adam "MCA" Yauch gets a Brooklyn park named after him, coinciding with the one year anniversary of his death after a long struggle with throat cancer.

Two of your favorite things in one place: Sigur Rós announces that they will appear on The Simpsons! Naturally, they'll also be covering the shows' theme song.

98 Degrees is releasing a new album?!: Hold onto your butts, everybody! The boy band that just won't quit (except for, you know, that decade) has recorded their first album in 13 years, appropriately titled 2.0. Here's a song about their dicks/microphones.

Rihanna vs. Brooklyn Nets vs. Chicago Bulls: To the dismay of no one, RiRi's concert at Brooklyn's Barclay Center scheduled for tomorrow night will have to be postponed in light of the NBA Playoffs being pushed into an unanticipated 7th game.

Black Flag has risen: Yesterday the group released their first new song in 27 years!

Hide yo' kids, hide yo' muzik producers!: AraabMUZIK's Abraham Orellana is recovering nicely from a gunshot wound after being caught in the crossfire of an attempted armed robbery earlier this week. Classic wrong place, wrong time scenario.

The sun's out! Enjoy this song! Mikal Cronin's new album MCII is out May 7th!

Shout It Out by Mikal Cronin

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Michelle Shocked Is Playing in West Seattle Tonight???

Emily Nokes — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 16:53:03 -0700

Apparently, the unlikely venue of the Village Green Perennial Nursery in West Seattle is hosting Michelle Shocked (you remember her, right?"), tonight at 7:30pm.

The owner/representative says to "come join the conversation." UUUUHHH. Is she going to apologize for being the worst?

This weird, barfy news is coming from the Nursery's Twitter and Facebook accounts. When I called to ask if they were for real, I got an answering machine message.

Here's a screen grab for you...

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Happy Record Store Day

Emily Nokes — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 20:38:22 -0700

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Is This The Worst White Boy Rap Song In The History Of Rap Songs?!?

Kelly O — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 13:28:12 -0700

I can't think of any other song that's WORSE than this one, can you? Oh, wait. Maybe this one. Just give it up, Bam. You're embarrassing your mom. And for the record, if you were MY mom's kid, she'd kick your ass, and then make you stop this nonsense. And I think Earl Sweatshirt's momma would do the same.

Video after the jump...

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Slayer Fires Dave Lombardo?!?

Kelly O — Thu, 21 Feb 2013 11:21:42 -0800

Dear Slayer, YOU ARE SO STUPID. Reeeeeally? Read the whole thing here.

"Last Monday, I sat down with Kerry and Tom to rehearse for Australia and to propose a new business model that I felt was the best way forward for Slayer to confidently protect itself so we could do what we do best . . . play for the fans. Kerry made it clear he wasn't interested in making changes and said if I wanted to argue the point, he would find another drummer. On Thursday, I arrived at rehearsals at 1 pm as scheduled, but Kerry did not show. Rather, at 6:24 pm I received an email from the lawyers saying I was being replaced for the Australian dates."

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Doritos Music

Brian Cook — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 14:14:07 -0800

You know how when someone has a bag of Doritos and you’re all “mmm, Doritos sound good.” You mooch a chip or two and it hits the spot. But then when you actually go to the store and buy a bag of chips for yourself, it loses its luster almost immediately. Sometimes music is that way. I thought it was just a personal quirk of mine. But frequent Line Out commenter and Same Sex Dictator/Red Liquid member Lee Cizek mentioned having this issue in passing and now I realize it’s a universal thing.

For example, I like Drive Like Jehu. But I no longer own any Drive Like Jehu records. They always sound good when someone else puts them on, but whenever I try to listen to them on my own, I get fidgety by the second song. Come to think of it, I feel the same way about pretty much all of Rick Froberg’s stuff. I don’t know what my problem is; Hot Snakes always sound so good on someone else’s stereo.

Same thing with Portishead. And Gang of Four. I now refer to these bands as Doritos music. I like it when someone else is rockin’ it, but I can’t seem to get into it on my own.

What’s your Doritos music?

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Wall of Sound and Spine and Crown Robbed Last Night

Dave Segal — Mon, 24 Dec 2012 15:03:39 -0800

Last night Wall of Sound record store and Spine and Crown Books suffered a break-in via a kicked-in door and the former business lost its computer and some coins in its till and the latter the iPhone with which it processes purchases. I don't want to tell you what to do, but it might be a nice idea to frequent these excellent indie establishments—both of which need to find new locations by June 2013—and buy something from them this week to help them procure the funds to replace their lost goods.

Happy holidays?

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Worst Music I've Ever Heard

Brian Cook — Wed, 19 Dec 2012 12:59:18 -0800

Up until last week, if you’d asked me what the worst live performance I’d ever seen was, I’d probably mention Crisco Kids. It was spring of ’97, my band was playing a gazebo in a city park in Little Rock and they were on the bill. Actually, saying they were “on the bill” is a bit of a stretch. The gazebo was basically fair game to city punks. You just showed up and played whenever you felt like it. There was no promoter, no rules. Crisco Kids were three brothers with devil-locks and Misfits face paint. The youngest brother was the guitarist and vocalist. I’d put his age at around ten. The eldest brother was the drummer. I’d wager he was old enough to drive. Their sound was like The Shaggs fronted by a prepubescent Chris Barnes from Cannibal Corpse. I watched the whole set, minus the occasional moment where I had to excuse myself to laugh hysterically behind a tree.

There are some other close contenders: that band of Jack White-imposters we played with in Poland that sounded like Joy Division with all their fingers broken, that grunge cover band in Italy that obviously didn’t know a lick of English and approximated the words to hits by Smashing Pumpkins and Nirvana, that weird pagan-goth band with the drummer in the Hawaiian shirt and the electronic drumkit I saw in Puyallup back in high school. But the one consistent factor with all these bands is that they were hard to not watch. Mediocre bands aren’t memorable or interesting. But truly awful artists are still inadvertently entertaining. Just look at brokenCYDE, Design The Skyline, or Rebecca Black. On Thurday, however, I was exposed to a whole new brand of awful, one without any redeeming qualities...

I didn’t know much about MellowHype other than that they were affiliated with the Odd Future crew. Their performance at Chop Suey consisted of two MCs and a laptop. I’ve already ranted against acts that just hit play, but MellowHype revealed a new pitfall of this half-assed musical trend. Specifically, a trainwreck performance with backing tracks isn’t nearly as entertaining as a trainwreck performance by a live band. The sequencing had more-than-adequate amount of thumping bass, crisp treble, and warm mids. The computer was obviously on-point. But the MCs seemed too stoned to keep up with the tempo. They mumbled their way through the songs, rarely locking into the groove and obviously not knowing the first thing about holding a microphone in a manner that allowed their words to be articulate instead of just a muffled mess. There was zero flow to their rhymes. And even their tracks seemed to start and end abruptly. At multiple points during their set I thought their laptop crashed, though I think they were just hitting ‘stop’ before the tracks actually ended. They would start a song, have a change of heart, then start another song. They obviously didn’t have a set list, as one MC routinely asked his partner what they should play next. At one point, they even proclaimed “setlists are for faggots.” I can’t really argue with that; I like bands to actually be prepared AND I like sucking cock. The awkward gaps where one-half of MellowHype scrolled through his song library provided plenty of opportunities for the other half to talk about how much they love weed. Bold move, dude. Do you love beer too? What are your thoughts on pizza? Then they’d launch into another song and mumble their way through two or three minutes of it until one of them walked over and hit stop.

Crisco Kids couldn’t play their instruments. As a result, it was funny. Charming, even. They definitely sounded worse than MellowHype, but they at least brought me some joy. MellowHype’s laptop sounded great, minus the awkward stops and starts. But the amount of attitude and ego coming from the two completely unprepared and untalented MCs was nothing but aggravating. There are no redeeming qualities to a bad show of pre-recorded music. The backing tracks will always be boringly consistent, and the artists merely muck up the music.

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Are These Dumbest Lyrics In The World?

Kelly O — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 17:10:49 -0800

Shame on you, Carmen. And way to make the rest of us look dumb.

h/t to Brant Brissby

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Teacher Suspended For Playing Macklemore's "Same Love" in Class

Emily Nokes — Thu, 29 Nov 2012 15:46:46 -0800

It was reported yesterday that a teacher in South Lyon, Michigan has been suspended for playing Macklemore's equality jam "Same Love" to her students during class.

Macklemore responded to the incident via his website:

I wrote the song “Same Love,” not with the expectation that it would cure homophobia and lead to marriage equality across the US (although that’d be awesome). It was written with the hope that it would facilitate dialogue and through those conversations understanding and empathy would emerge. This incident demonstrates how too often we are quick to silence conversations that must be had. Even if people disagree, there is far more potential for progress when people are vocal and honestly expressing their thoughts about gay rights. When we are silent and avoid the issue, fear and hatred have a far greater life span.

Read the whole response here.

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No Doubt Removes Icky Music Vid

Emily Nokes — Sat, 03 Nov 2012 16:56:12 -0700

I was Faceboxing around this morning and saw that No Doubt apologized for and removed their tasteless music video for the song "Looking Hot," which features Native American imagery like teepees, cowboys, and the band attempting to "look hot" in headdresses and other traditional dress. Ugh ugh a million uggghhs.

Anyway, the real news here is that I happened to see said apology because I am Facebook friends with No Doubt??? I have no recollection of "liking" their page! I can't be held responsible for this! I'm never drinking again.

The genius of spaghetti, courtesy Derek Erdman.

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Friday Night Line Out Giveaway EXTRAVAGANZA

Emily Nokes — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 18:20:36 -0700

We are NOT effing around with the newest, most SIZZLINGEST edition of the Friday Night Giveaway. Answer this Line Out trivia question and WIN BIG:

What was the name of the child born and raised in the post office line while Utilikilt Man pulled packages out of his hippie cart?

The first hot shot to answer correctly will receive the following incredible prizes:

· A Justin Beiber singing toothbrush (plays the songs "Baby" and "U Smile")!
· A $4-off coupon for See's Candy (if you buy $40 worth, that is)!
· A rose necklace I found in Cal Anderson Park a long time ago!
· Two cough drop filled with cough suppressing goo!
· Birthday candles!
· TWO perfume samples!
· A pumpkin spice lollipop (that tastes like Bath & Body Works)!

ALL THIS COULD BE YOURS.

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Time for Another White Hot Friday Night Line Out Giveaway!!!

Anna Minard — Fri, 05 Oct 2012 18:24:55 -0700

Woohoo! We were not actually kidding last week when we sort of implied that this might be a regular thing, where we go through our purses/desks/shorts pockets on Friday night and find you cool treasures, then ask you a dumb question so you can WIN THE PRIZE!!! Dedicated to you Line Outers who work late at a desk on Friday nights, or who read the blog on the weekend. Go you!

Also, a bit of Housekeeping: Hey there, last week's winner, carnivorous chicken, wanna contact us to pick up your stuff? Just like Santa, we love giving you free stuff, if you sit on our laps and stay on your very best behavior! Those fries aren't gonna eat themselves!

This week's prize package only contains two items, but one of them is HOT HOT HOT enough to put behind a jump, because BOOBZ. You're welcome! The prize package contains:

ONE (1) pack of glue-on fake nails, French Manicure-style. Oooh, classy! Says music editor Emily Nokes, "Those nails have touched Gary Smith's torso." It's true!

and ONE (1) very special, Spanish-language, lesbian edition card game called, appropriately, "¡SEXO!"

Redeem your prize by leaving the answer to this question, which honors our spirit animal Alanis Morissette, in comments (we'll alert the winner here in comments on Monday, when we sober up again):

What fellow '90s icons played guitar and bass on Alanis Morissette's best-karaoke-song-ever hit "You Oughta Know"?

PRIZE PACKAGE PIC...

GILLIAN ANDERSON
WHITE HOT! Win it!

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Hot Hot Friday Night Line Out Giveaway!

Anna Minard — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 18:09:44 -0700

This is the inaugural edition of the "Fuck, It's Late, We're Bored, Everybody Left in the Office Donate One Thing to This Pile" Line Out trivia contest! This goes out to you, people who work late on Fridays (we're sorry!) and people who read Line Out on the weekend (that's dedication!).

Trivia Question: What song did Negative Approach's John Brannon sing at karaoke in New Orleans last June?

One lucky winner will receive:

KELLY O
FREE! FREE! FREE! Enter now!

· A signed* copy of Wilson Phillips's newest album, Dedicated!
· One Caffé Vita gift card with "like, a dollar" on it!
· One WINNING Lucky Kelly O™ Scratch ticket (value: $1)!
· A McDonald's Monopoly sticker thing for a FREE medium fries!
· A coupon for a free 7-Eleven brand bag of chips!

Leave your answer and/or dumb jokes in the comments! Winner will be chosen at random and notified in the comments, and can pick up the prize package at our offices. IT'S FRIDAY! HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND! GOOD NIGHT!

*by "Dave Coulier"

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Rolling Stone's Women Who Rock Winner Announced Today

Bree McKenna — Tue, 25 Sep 2012 07:05:56 -0700

Finally, it's the moment we've all been waiting for! The extra special occasion that celebrates the shocking revelation that women play music (wow!) with Rolling Stone's Women Who Rock issue. Rolling Stone magazine chose six aspiring female-fronted acts to compete for the flip-cover of the special issue. In a year of Pussy Riot and Laura Jane Grace, the editors selected these pop stars by their impressive number of... YouTube hits.

Throughout the duration of the contest, we've been able to follow the women of the (heavily sponsored by Garnier Fructis*) competition in the "Style Files" section of rollingstone.com, where viewers can enjoy videos of each contestant talking briefly about their music and personal style in a convoluted way that really just highlights their physical attributes (slow motion turning/hair tossing, playful pillow tossing, at one point the camera just stops on an extreme close-up of one finalist's butt, ETC.)

More + videos after the jump!

The final two contestants have been narrowed down to finalists Rita Ora and Karmin (made famous with their YouTube Chris Brown cover.) Yawn. The winner will be announced sometime today.

This year, the contest also appears to have partnered with US Weekly to closely follow the female musicians' hair and fashion tips in their section titled "Rock Their Style." Watch as Garnier's stylists play huge part in rock n' roll history by showing us how to copy Carly Rae Jepsen's hairstyle with a bang wiglet. Rock on!

*"Music plays a central role in how Garnier Fructis connects with consumers to celebrate personal style," said Kat Peeler, Garnier Fructis Senior Vice President of Marketing.

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Pussy Riot Verdict: Two Years

Grant Brissey — Fri, 17 Aug 2012 09:04:22 -0700

The verdict just in:

Judge Marina Syrova convicted the women of hooliganism motivated by religious hatred, saying they had "crudely undermined social order" [and that] Maria Alyokhina, 24, Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, 22, and Yekaterina Samutsevich, 29, had offended the feelings of Orthodox believers and shown a "complete lack of respect".

That the decision comes as little surprise makes it no less crappy. Still, the women smiled and shrugged as it was read. Obviously, they still win at everything.

Emily Nokes wrote at length about Pussy Riot in this week's music lead.

The story has received massive international coverage and created a groundswell of support for the collective.

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Has the Honey Bucket Logo Always Looked So Psychedelic?

Emily Nokes — Sat, 21 Jul 2012 22:12:55 -0700

I promise I'm not on mushrooms, but I couldn't stop staring at the side of a Honey Bucket wondering how that logo came to be. It just looks so...drippy? Ew. Er...trippy?

Huh.

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Native American Headdress Culprit Identified

Grant Brissey — Tue, 29 May 2012 09:07:16 -0700

And it is Honda, who had some sort of picture-taking contest in which you could win a Civic or something. Anyway, here is the depot:

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Rob McKenna's Favorite Band Is Nickelback

Grant Brissey — Fri, 25 May 2012 15:11:15 -0700

~~Skelator~~ Rob McKenna told Yakima's 94.5 FM "The Rock Station" that his favorite band is Nickelback. What is wrong with this? Well if you need to ask this question, I will answer it in four parts:

1: Nickelback

2: Nickelback are Canadian (What sort of red-blooded American counts a Canadian quartet as his favorite band?)

3: This picture.

4: Their songs:

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Don't Call It A Comeback: Cypress Hill x Rusko

Kelly O — Tue, 15 May 2012 11:05:50 -0700

I was slightly excited, in a secret "shhh! guilty pleasure" way to hear about a new Cypress Hill album coming out next month. I used to "shhh!" secretly love their pothead anthems in the late '90s.

But then I listened to it. Granted, it's a collaboration between Cypress and Rusko and it features tattoo model/drummer Travis Barker—but I still thought Cypress would go harder.

From the press release:

As you'd expect from chameleonic musicians, each song on the album showcases a different musical side to the collaborators. "Lez Go" marries the ominous with the atmospheric, as Cypress' menacing vocals somehow sound angelic over Rusko's harmonious, arpeggiated synths...

...Slightly different? Maybe a little. But anyone familiar with the pedigree of the album's creators should expect nothing less than a sound that operates entirely outside the box.

Listen to "Lez Go" after the cut. Total Crap Rating: 8.5

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Does the World Really Need a Black Keys Documentary Yet (or Ever)?

Grant Brissey — Mon, 14 May 2012 12:08:48 -0700

Okay, okay, okay, everybody take a Time Out here. It's official, there are too many white kids running around with expensive video cameras and too much time (money) on their hands.

"A lot of music documentaries spend too much time trying to make people look cool," filmmaker Noah Abrams told Spin. "I'm fortunate enough to know both these guys pretty well and their relationship is pretty incredible and very funny." He says the film will be a "a buddy comedy with perhaps the greatest soundtrack of all time."

Wait, how is something a documentary and a comedy at the same time? Also, when you make people look funny, are you not simultaneously making the look cool? This whole thing has RUINED MY MORNING.

Via SPIN, by way of Pitchfork

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Which Album Cover Is Worse?

Grant Brissey — Wed, 09 May 2012 11:03:27 -0700

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I Desperately Need Your Boppy Running Music

Cienna Madrid — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 11:19:51 -0700

So: I've taken to listening to old This American Life podcasts while I run because I'm not terribly music savvy and the playlists I currently have on my ipod make my ears bleed and my face yawn.

But the other day I was running along the Burke Gilman and it occurred to me, after passing a few very concerned looking people, that I was sobbing. It wasn't my fault—I was listening to an old TAL podcast and it was the Everyone Has Cancer episode in which they build up your emotional connections to all these people and then, ta da! They all drop dead. I couldn't stop listening! And weeping! While running!

Worse, this isn't the first time I've caught myself weeping while running (I think my body just weeps sometimes because it hates sports), and it simply cannot stand.

Please, music fans: I need your help. I need new, good music fit for long runs. NOTHING SAD. Stuff on my ipod right now includes everything from Girl Talk and Robyn to Talking Heads, the Rocky theme song, some Bollywood tunes, and that one Justin Beiber song about crushin' on a girl.

I am not a snob. I will download whatever albums or individual songs you recommend. I just really need some bossy people with good taste to tell me what to get because I'm totally worthless at this stuff.

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Idiots, Assholes, and My Perfect Taste In Music

Brian Cook — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 12:20:26 -0800

I remember first hearing this bit by George Carlin well before I had my driver’s license. In the years since, my memory morphed Carlin’s categorizations from “idiots” and “maniacs” to “idiots” and “assholes.” Either my memory failed me or this clip is from a more family-friendly version of this routine.

Regardless, Carlin’s central argument remains the same: people that drive slower than me are idiots, people that drive faster than me are assholes, and my driving is perfect. It really is true. And that observation transcends driving. It’s applicable throughout life.

Case in point: music. There is a lot of genuinely idiotic music out there. It’s unoriginal, regurgitated, safe. It’s recycled, worn-out formulas regurgitated for people in the slow lane. It’s junk food for morons that don’t want to try too hard to wrap their heads around anything new or interesting. It’s music that’s completely patterned after something that is already known to be an easy sell. It’s music that ties itself to one particular niche and completely disavows the broader world of sound and experience. It’s bands like Korn that openly disregard any music made before Faith No More and Red Hot Chili Peppers. It’s bar bands that still try to sound like Rolling Stones or Led Zeppelin. It’s punk bands giving shout outs to ’77 and hardcore bands giving shout outs to ’88 in 2012. It’s anything with ‘revival’ attached to it. Move forward, people. Speed it up a bit.

There’s a lot of asshole music out there, too. I’m all for innovation and creative thinking, but part of what makes music resonate with people is the established lexicon of sounds. Some of it is inherent: major scales sound happy; minor scales sound sad. But some of it is based on cultural shorthand: people have a learned response to certain tones and tricks of the trade. I need a little bit of that familiarity, a little bit of that cultural shorthand to latch on to. Artists that attempt to completely ditch any and all convention are pretentious assholes. Just because you have the capability to do something that’s never been done before doesn’t mean you should do it. It’s the Jurassic Park rule. Slow down, start with some basics. Learn your craft before you decide to break all the rules of songwriting and performance.

Take it from me. My taste in music is perfect.

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This Trash Should've Been Free

Brian Cook — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 11:27:51 -0800

The Bureau of Land Management has an issue with people disposing of televisions on their grounds. What was once a high-end appliance eventually becomes junk that even the dump won’t take. You have to pay to get rid of it. Last fall, I bought my partner an iPad. It was the most expensive gift I’ve ever given. And while I don’t regret the decision, there is a part of me that laments the sad fact that in a few years this glitzy gadget is going to wind up in our junk drawer with all our old cell phones and broken iPods. For $500, I wish I’d gotten him something that would still be relevant when we’re a little older.

My laptop is three years old and falling apart. I hope to get another couple of years out of it before I have to drop it off at REPC. It’s strange to think how poorly this technology ages, especially considering how Apple products tend to be viewed as such crucial toys of our modern age. In the music world, they’ve established a kind of monopoly. Not only do you listen to music on their products, you store music on them. You distribute music on them. You record music on them. You even make music on them. And while it’s nice that you can do all these things on one device, in five years it’ll be trash.

For all its inconveniences, my recording engineer friends still tout the audio superiority of 2” tape over ProTools and geek out over mixing consoles built decades ago. I’ve had the same stereo receiver since high school. I play a bass guitar made in the ‘70s. All these items still have value. And consequently, I’m invested in the music generated from these devices. I do not think of music as ephemera. If a song is worth listening to now, it should be worth listening to in ten, twenty, thirty years. And similarly, some significant part of what made that song possible should exist in ten years. I want history. I want artifacts. I love that B.B. King has Lucille and Willie Nelson has Trigger. I want Gary Numan’s Roland RS-09 to still ooze out those synthy string swells somewhere. I want Electrical Audio, Abbey Road, and Electric Lady to retain as much of their hardware as possible. Conversely, I don’t ever want to see Skrillex’s copy of Ableton Live on display at EMP. And I don’t anticipate anyone ever fetishizing over an old plug-in.

We’ve made music become something cheap and disposable. It’s something to sit on your hard drive for a few months before the 1s and 0s are completely flushed from existence. I don’t want Steve Jobs to be the voice of our generation. I don’t want the learning curve on an instrument to be the time it takes to familiarize oneself with the latest software. I don’t want a musical genius’s greatest work to be a free download on Bandcamp. I want some sense of permanence, some sort of assurance that our artists aren’t just creating tomorrow’s junk and digital ether.

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Friends Don't Let Friends Take A Limo Home

Kelly O — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 16:20:26 -0800

So this past Friday night, pre-snowpocalypse, it was still pretty chilly. My friend and I, let's call her "Helga," decide to take a taxi from my apartment at 16th and Denny Street, down to the Funhouse near 5th and Denny. Helga wanted to take the #8 bus, but I insisted a cab wouldn't be that expensive. It wasn't. Our Yellow Cab pal blasted straight down Denny hill, hitting most of the green lights, and our fare was $7.55. We gave him a $10 bill.

I always tip when I'm drunk

In typical Funhouse form, we had too much fun and by 1:50 a.m. we were standing on 5th Ave, drunker than skunks. Helga also twisted her ankle during the last set, so not only was she her wearing her drunkie pants—she couldn't walk. We tried hailing and calling both Yellow and Orange taxis, but no one would come. After what seemed like an eternity (and was probably about 20-25 minutes) a long, black limousine pulled up. I yanked open the door and asked if "it would cossh a million dollarsh to go to Capitol Hillshh." Limo guy says "No. Get in."

Limo guy flies up Denny, hitting most of the green lights. We get to my apartment building, and he stops. Without looking at any meter, he says "$25 bucks please." We drunkenly fumble, and he repeats it two more times. Limo guy is also HUGE. A freak. A giant. A scary-giant-freak wearing lots of gold jewelry, cologne, and suit-n-tie. I give him a credit card. And a tip. $30.

What I want to know, is almost triple-fare normal for a limo? Even one you didn't call or schedule? Even one from Lynwood Washington that most certainly picked you up because you and your friend Helga looked like two drunk bimbos, swaying and weaving on a sidewalk in front of a bar?

We were stupid*, to be sure, but were we also taken for a ride?

*Not stupid was the Funhouse lineup—Thee Cormans, Le Sang Song, Broomsticks, and Telemesser. Loved all three local bands, plus Cormans. Photos of the latter after the jump...

all photos Kelly O

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Happy Birfday, Rod the Sod Stewart

Mike Nipper — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 16:41:15 -0800

JUST KIDDING!! Dear Mr. Stewart, I hope your birfday is NOT happy, and I still hate you, deeply, for all the SUCK you have put on this earth. I hope a pigeon poops in your high tea, JERK!

(sigh) Of course, there was a time when Rod the Sod did not completely fucking suck: it was when he sang with the Steampacket*!!

Still, even with all that 40-plus-year-old AWESOME, it's hard for me not to hate the Sod.

*Also Jeff Beck Group and MOST of the Faces are included in the NOT sucking list, natch.

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Do You Want to Know the Name of Hanson's New Beer?

Anna Minard — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 14:54:35 -0800

Get ready! It's...

MMMHop. MMMHop IPA. Zac Hanson confirms:

“We of course make records—they are fundamental to what we do,” said Zac Hanson during a speech at Oxford University Union, according to the Toronto Star. “But we wanted to create a brand so that our fans have a greater experience... in fact, we are soon going to be selling our own beer.”

“I’m not even joking,” he added.

Other '90s-preteen-heartthrob-beverage-brands expected soon: Jonathan T-Ale-or Thomas, Devon Sawaweizen, and, um, someone help me think of one for Rider Strong.

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This Damn Song

Anna Minard — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 08:59:05 -0800

After hearing a song for at least the third or fourth time over the Thanksgiving weekend (in grocery stores, in commercials), I sent my brother a text about it. When it comes to contemporary popular music, I often prefer picking his brain to googling.

To: [Little Brother]
Sent: Sat, Nov 26, 7:34 pm

What is this “something something in the house tonight/everybody gonna have a good time” song? “Every day I’m shufflin’… wickawickawheeewheeeeeee” etc. ?

The song, he immediately informed me, was “Party Rock Anthem,” by LFMAO.

It has now been stuck in my head for three days, and I am slowly losing my mind. I went to Damn You Autocorrect! for unrelated laughs and there was a (comically autocorrected) conversation about having that song stuck in your head. This morning I started uncontrollably humming it. When I googled "party rock anthem stuck in my head" there were over 200,000 hits. Then (because of the googling) I found myself watching approximately a trillion YouTube videos of 10 year old girls' gymnastics routines/marching band performances/little kids sitting on their mom's laps, all doing their thing to this song, and now I really can’t escape it. My new plan is, of course, loudly humming ’50s TV theme songs, the only surefire ohrwurm-removal method. (And double grrrr: LMFAO always serves to remind me of LFO, a band name I would like to forget. Fie!)

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