The Stranger, Seattle's Only Newspaper: Line Out: Booze

What's The Heck Is Going On In This Photo?

Kelly O — Thu, 16 May 2013 16:20:22 -0700

Click the photo to find out. I think it has something to do with a "Sausagefest!"

Did You Know You Can Submit a Photo for Drunk of the Week?

Kelly O — Thu, 09 May 2013 13:54:05 -0700

It's true! You can email it to drunk@thestranger.com. There's no reason I should be the only one having all the fun. Look how much fun these two are having. Happy Cinco de Mayo, indeed!

submitted by Lynzi

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Drunk of the Week: The Ron Jeremy Nipple Slip Edition

Kelly O — Fri, 03 May 2013 14:45:04 -0700

Were you one of the unfortunate people who missed Ron Jeremy at Linda's Tavern last Friday? I didn't really drink much of his spiced rum but HE was a total sweetheart—even though he didn't seem to smile very much. Lots of people gave up on autographed t-shirts, and just started getting autographed boobies.

Here are a few of the photos—including a classic (oops!) almost-nipple-slip by yours truly...

Mob scene!

T-shirts!

Autographs!

Cheek-kisses!

Near nipple-slips!

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You Wanna Party With Porn Star Ron Jeremy This Weekend?

Kelly O — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 14:20:04 -0700

Ron Jeremy will be in Seattle appearing in two, count 'em TWO different locations to promote his new spiced rum called Ron de Jeremy. First, tomorrow April 26th, Linda's Tavern will host R.J. who will also play DJ, spinning his "favorite party jams," starting at 8 o'clock. Linda's also promises a footlong hot dog called the "Hedgehog Dog" and something else called a "Dark and Horny."

Then, on Saturday the 27th, Jeremy will launch his rum (did I just type that?) at Wine World, from 4-7 pm, selling and signing bottles of his new booze.

Both are free. Will you go?

The Linda's Flyer (L), and the 'Ron de Jeremy' label

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A Poem for Reese

Megan Seling — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 14:04:46 -0700

Forget what I just said about Amanda Palmer. Her poetry inspired me to write a poem of my own, for Reese Witherspoon, during her difficult time.

A Poem for Reese

you don't know how it felt to be in the womb but it must have been at least a little warmer than the heated seats in your car

you don't know how intimately they're recording your every move on closed-circuit cameras until you see your face reflected back at you through the mug shot (you look angelic, by the way)

you don't know how to stop picking your nose

you don't know how the cop doesn't know your name

you don't know how to stay in the car

you don't know how things could change so incredibly fast

you don't know how to "Walk the Line" in the field sobriety test

you don't know how to call a cab but the instructions are on the internet

you don't know the way back to the hotel

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How Hard Can it be to Throw a Bitchin' Club Tropicana Party?

Emily Nokes — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 14:53:55 -0700

My only goal for this summer is to somehow replicate this amazing looking party. Please let me know if anyone is in a Wham! cover band that can nail "Club Tropicana" while wearing board shorts and an open Hawaiian shirt. Do you think Q would be willing to rent out the space? I got five on it.

We'll also need tinsel palm trees, neon light shapes, a white baby grand piano, and really cool extras willing to act out all the song lyrics. Easy!

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Is "Irish Car Bomb" a Terrible Name For a Drink?

Kelly O — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 15:20:10 -0700

Kelly O

More here, at Drunk of the Week. And this, from IrishCentral.Com:

An IRA victim’s group, Fair, has criticized the selling of the cocktail claiming the suffering of bomb attack victims, who have been maimed or killed, should not be celebrated in such a way.

"I would have expected Americans, of all people, to behave more sensitively and responsibly. How would they like it if we developed the Al-Qaeda car bomb, the Twin Towers cocktail, or the 9/11 ice-cream sundae?"

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Rum, Ironic Hats, and Seattle Bands: an Austin Update

Katie Martin — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 13:29:12 -0700

EDS NOTE: My intern Katie Martin is in Austin! Eating all the tacos I should be eating! Got any hot Texas tips for her? -Emily Nokes

You guys! I’m in Austin for SXSW right now! It’s 80 degrees and I am wearing a Hawaiian button up and I’m sure that you’re all shaking your fists at those cloudy heavens, cursing my name. My boyfriend and his “business partner” are managing a couple showcases down here for Castle Face Records, Dolce Vita shoes, and Sailor Jerry’s. I’ve never been to Texas (save the one time I went to Richland when I was thirteen and it sucked because everything sucks when you’re thirteen) and so far it just seems like Seattle in the summertime—everyone wearing attemptedly nonchalant yet obviously carefully-curated sleeveless band tees and messed up sneakers. The biggest difference is that they call Rainier “Lone Star” down here for some reason.

Seattle’s own Night Beats, the Pharmacy, and CMRTYZ the Band played the Sailor Jerry showcase last night at Gypsy Lounge and rocked the ironic mini baseball caps right off of everyone’s heads! It was refreshing to see some hometown vibes amongst so many strangers and reminded me just how spoiled we are in Seattle.

[Insert hella shitty phone pic of Pharmacy] [The phone pic was too hella shitty to insert. Just imagine it and you're better off. -ED]

In other news: it turns out that you can learn to like rum again when your wristband entitles you to as much of it as you want (no one is more surprised than me)! It also turns out that when you see someone you know in an unfamiliar city, you hug them without hesitation even if you would never hug them back home.

CMRTYZ/Castle Face showcase is today at Gypsy Lounge, featuring a gaggle of Seattle bands (PONY TIME! MTNS! STICKERS! PHARMACY! NIGHT BEATS!). Also: Thee Oh Sees! The Mallard! Blasted Canyons! Starts at 8pm. Free. Come and hang if you're in Austin and reading Line Out for some reason! King Tuff is playing the daytime show right before in the same location so it's a win, win, winwinwin!

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Танец толстяка: The Only Dance Video That You'll Ever Need

Kelly O — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 15:50:34 -0800

Just go ahead amd jump to the 2:31 mark. Watch and learn.

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What Do Dildos, Squirt Guns, and Blow-Up Dolls Have To Do With Champagne?

Kelly O — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 13:03:52 -0800

Find out, in this week's Drunk of the Week. Also, did you know that the cheapest blow-up doll, from Castle Megastore on Broadway costs $32.84, after tax? It's true. Remember this, when planning YOUR next party.

Kelly O

What's Your Favorite Sad Love Song?

Kelly O — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 15:01:49 -0800

This photo has everything and nothing to do with sad love songs! What's your favorite? Click the photo, and share yours...

High or Drunk: YOU DECIDE, Part Deux!

Kelly O — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 16:20:02 -0800

Why and what?! Click the photo to find out what-the-fucks...

Kelly O

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High or Drunk: YOU DECIDE!

Kelly O — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 12:45:18 -0800

This comment, was posted to thestranger.com/drunkoftheweek on January 19th, 2013, at 1:46 pm.

Read it "Weenies" and then Rage Against The Machine:

Yo, my alcoholic brothers and sisters, your watering hole is about to shutter its doors soon, so drink up, you weed hating yuppies! Drown those sorrows of fucking up your code writing and passing it off as some new form of art grunge. Face it, you're a weenie if you need to face the day with a Martini (plus one for your pet monkey friend(s), and start smoking as much weed as humanly possible. Seattle needs more THC and less alcohol to keep our local government officials from killing this sleepy fishing village (remember: Free Ballard!), and turning it into some lame cousin to Boston, minus the blue-bloods and landed aristocracy.

Great article about the Zeitgeist of modern day Seattle...home of the Velvet Foam, expensive condos, and a culture of youth who consider anything with a ball played on a field or in a stadium, "art." Yes, that's you, you Martini mamby pambies. Rage against the machine, don't sit at your desk at Amazon and think you're a genius for figuring out a way to take out Barnes and Noble. Turn on, tune in and drop out. Uh, huh! I'm talkin' Timothy Leary here, a real intellectual who was a tenured Harvard professor who would never lower himself to a two Martini high. Go deeper, man! Don't aim for the floor (you inebriated fools) aim for the sky, as Seattle's own Jimi Hendrix implored. That takes an expanded mind, one that is educated, and appropriately filled with any manner of drugs that help you see, you can't make it out of this life alive. Swing for the fences. Roll a fat one, kick back, and turn up Soundgarden's "Outshined" (not "moonshined") to ten, and buck the lemming trend. Free your mind, and your sorry ass will follow.

—Posted by LastSeattleHipsterTurnTheLightsOff

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Antwon: End Of Earth

Sean Jewell — Sat, 12 Jan 2013 11:34:01 -0800

I completely slept on rapper Antwon last year, but thanks to the announcement from Greedhead kingpin Himanshu on "the twitter" that the San Jose native would be releasing an album on his label, I've been listening ever since.

His latest release, End Of Earth, is a pleasant cross pollination of the by-now-practically-patented Seattle drug n' thug style and a mellow-hyphy Bay Area tone. Rapping over production by the likes of the rising Steel Tipped Dove and the recently retired Big Baby Gandhi (sad face) dude paints a typical tough guy persona over horror movie score on one track, then drops a some red cup party rhymes over new jack era beats the next:

Old guard hiphop sentinels have developed the annoying habit of labeling these cats '"Tumblr rap", but I call it enjoyable, and Antwon calls it free over on his bandcamp, so have a listen.

See also: his video for the track "Helicopter" from even earlier last year. Directed by Brandon Tauszik, they're both salutes to pre HDTV era music televison cinematopgraphy, with road trip-inspiring shots of the Yay Area's warmer climes. On "Helicopter", they've even taken the Steve Mcqueen chase scene through the hilly streets of San Francisco from the movie Bullit, and seamlessly integrated it with their own Lalo Schifrin sounding sample.

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Pizza Beer! YAY or NAY?

Kelly O — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 16:00:57 -0800

I just got back from the Midwest where Shake 'N Bake pork chops and Bob's Big Boy buffets still reign supreme. A friend there told me about this new brew from Chicago: MAMMA MIA! Pizza Beer. That's right, I said it: PIZZA BEER. Beer made of pizza. Pizza you can drink. It's only available online, and in Chicago and Ann Arbor, Michigan Whole Foods stores. Would YOU drink pizza beer?

www.facebook.com/mammamiapizzabeer

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Let It Out: Seattle Music Folks Get 2012 Off Their Chests

Musicians, Radio DJs, and Bookers — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 15:46:00 -0800

KELLY O
DIY JUDAS PRIEST: Barely living after midnight.

Cat (THEESatisfaction): There was this show on Mars—I regret not being able to do it.

The Lonely Forest: We deeply regret trusting major label executives.

Brian Foss (Funhouse owner): I regret that I am not a millionaire, so I was unable to buy the building the Funhouse was in.

Wimps: Wimps regret to inform you that: An all-pizza diet does actually provide you with all your daily nutrients. Sometimes, venues think it's acceptable to pay a band in breakfast pastries. Motel microwaves aren't the best appliances to use when drying wet underpants. A hot dog can't actually ride a skateboard. Our next album will be all freestyle raps. In 2012, good venues closed and good people passed on—they will be missed.

Nathan Chambers (Rendezvous booker): I regret wearing "skinny jeans." That's right, Levi's 511s, I quit you. No more will I awkwardly adjust the dangly bits or struggle to take you off after a night of drinking. The holes you get only in the crotch have shamed me long enough. Your tyranny of uncomfortable cool is over. Viva la dad-washed 501s.

Joe Axler (Samothrace/Skarp): I regret looking at Facebook this morning after not having time to see the season finale of Sons of Anarchy last night. Thanks, spoiling assholes.

Attention Nerds Who Love to Gorge!

Pamela Sternin — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 11:23:53 -0800

Are you shitting me?! Highline has made all of my dreams come true!! ALL YOU CAN EAT SPAGHETTI and $5 off regional beer pitchers PLUS a showing of Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers!! Dude, you can't beat it!! Gorgeasarus Rex Fest comes at you this Sunday, the 6th starting at 7pm. Put your wizard staff skills into action!

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Gay'anta Claus!

Kelly O — Thu, 20 Dec 2012 11:57:17 -0800

Hey everybody! I wrote a song! I spent a lot of time on it too! Click the photo, to check it out...

Kelly O

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What Is Going On In This Photo?

Kelly O — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 12:45:37 -0800

Holy redneck disasters! What just happened here? FIND OUT! And please, good people of Lineout, VOTE.

Kelly O

Best New Place For Sunday Night Karaoke!

Bree McKenna — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 16:35:52 -0800

"Where have all the cowboys goooooonnnnnnneee..."

Sometimes those little rooms in Rock Box can get stupid expensive, and the Crescent (although always glorious in its own right) gets too crowded and takes forever to get your song in. Luckily I found my new favorite Karaoke place on Capitol Hill, Lucky 8's China House (next to Chop Suey.) Karaoke happens every Sunday, plus they serve super delicious organic Chinese food without MSG all late so you don't get food-tired while you are drinking a million cheap beers. The lovely staff didn't even get mad at me when I was the annoying drunk person who accidentally broke a beer bottle during the singing of Paula Cole's hit "Where Have All The Cowboys Gone."

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Drunk of the Week: The Snowman Edition

Kelly O — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 14:45:17 -0800

Did you know there's already December snow up near Snoqualmie Pass? It's true. I saw it with my own eyes. I also saw this happen last weekend. How much tequila do you suppose it takes, to keep your balls warm enough to stay in this position for over 4 minutes? MATH PROBLEM!

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Drunk of the Week: The Drunkle Edition

Kelly O — Fri, 30 Nov 2012 15:20:43 -0800

It's that time of year—for spending time with your family for the holidays. Do you have a drunkle? Sometimes spelled "druncle"? Buzzfeed just published a collection of 34 drunk uncles. How about you? Do you have a story or a photo you want to share? I, for one, LOVE MY DRUNCLE. Click the photo for more!

Kelly O

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Maths Time Joy: Hideaway EP

Sean Jewell — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:36:39 -0800

I don't know how Timothy James Worthington, aka Maths Time Joy got my email. I spend a lot of time cruising the interweb listening to tumblr producers, cloud rappers, and facebands, and it's likely that in just such a binge I blacked out and started actually giving people in England my contact information. Anyway, I'm not mad, because his latest EP Hideaway available for download on Live For The Funk is pretty bangin.

Maths Time Joy gets the combo of brassy synth and computer love style production just right on this short three song adventure. I snickered at his wonky moniker (insert sex joke here), but I am not laughing at all at his cloud production skills.

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Spaceman vs. Starchild

Emily Nokes — Fri, 09 Nov 2012 15:56:25 -0800

This is the best email I've received all week. I assure you I remember the incident differently.

Hey! I met you on Halloween... I was dressed as Paul Stanley but you and your friend kept calling me Ace and when I corrected you, you shushed me and asked me not to say that I'm Paul Stanley out loud because everyone was gonna think that I didn't know who I was.

This email got me thinking about how hilarious and dramatic Ace and Paul (and really all of KISS) are. Remember when Ace shocked himself on a mic and had a near death experience? Remember when Ace got mad at Paul and challenged him to an IQ test? Remember when Paul admitted he never liked Ace? Remember how Paul looks like Cruella Deville and Ace looks like he's been dead for over a decade? Sigh.

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Drunk of the Week: The Halloween Haiku Edition!

Kelly O — Fri, 02 Nov 2012 15:15:24 -0700

Here's a little brain fruit for your weekend... Write the best haiku, about this photo of "Cheech" & Chong, and win a whole bunch of FABULOUS prizes, after a popular vote on Lineout!

My personal favorite so far:

Ponder the bunny
Sniffing greens on Halloween
Chong’s the Motherlode.

—portland scribe

Enter yours (after you drink some Friday happy hour booze) right here.

Kelly O

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Today's Music News: Tours, Prison Camps, and Lobbyists

Pamela Sternin — Mon, 22 Oct 2012 12:37:54 -0700

Depressed Mode: Depeche Mode have announced they will tour Europe and North America mid-2013 in support of their new album coming out next Spring.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind: The two remaining jailed members of Pussy Riot are sent to prison camps to serve out the remainder of their sentences until March 2014.

The Moz Loves His Mom: Due to his mother's sudden illness, Morrissey has postponed four of his U.S. dates to be by her side. Don't worry, Seattle you're all good.

Have a Heart...I Mean Kidney: Rapper, P.O.S. must cancel his upcoming fall tour on account of his kidney's slow decline. He is asking for his fans financial support and, if you've got one you're not using, a kidney.

Get Your Laws Off My IP Address!: Lobbyists are attempting to turn you into an information highway leper, if you are of the "illegal download" persuasion.

Vote for Seattle Artists!: The Seattle Times is compiling a list of the 13 most notable artists and arts administrators in the Seattle region: 13 for '13! Enter your suggestions here!

Father Knows Best: Lindsay Lohan's father accuses her of hanging out with drug addicts and alcoholics, tries to stage intervention only to have the cops called on him. Being a celebrity must tough.

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What Is Going On In This Photo?

Kelly O — Wed, 17 Oct 2012 13:15:26 -0700

>>> FIND OUT! <<<
May be NSFW

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Drunk of the Week: Burritos or Hot Dogs?!?

Kelly O — Thu, 11 Oct 2012 13:37:48 -0700

There's a tres importantes discussion happening in the Drunk of the Week column this week. It involves burritos, hot dogs, and maybe a penis. WHICH DO YOU PREFER AFTER A NIGHT OF DRINKING?!?

"British Teen Who Drank Liquid Nitrogen Cocktail, Has Stomach Surgically Removed"

Kelly O — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 17:05:30 -0700

Holy Christ on a crutch. I can't get either of these stories from yesterday out of my head. "Girl Gets Stomach Removed After Drinking Cocktail at Wine Bar" and the horrifying "Man Dies After Winning Cockroach Eating Contest."

Which is worse: plain ole dying, or living without a stomach?

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Time for Another White Hot Friday Night Line Out Giveaway!!!

Anna Minard — Fri, 05 Oct 2012 18:24:55 -0700

Woohoo! We were not actually kidding last week when we sort of implied that this might be a regular thing, where we go through our purses/desks/shorts pockets on Friday night and find you cool treasures, then ask you a dumb question so you can WIN THE PRIZE!!! Dedicated to you Line Outers who work late at a desk on Friday nights, or who read the blog on the weekend. Go you!

Also, a bit of Housekeeping: Hey there, last week's winner, carnivorous chicken, wanna contact us to pick up your stuff? Just like Santa, we love giving you free stuff, if you sit on our laps and stay on your very best behavior! Those fries aren't gonna eat themselves!

This week's prize package only contains two items, but one of them is HOT HOT HOT enough to put behind a jump, because BOOBZ. You're welcome! The prize package contains:

ONE (1) pack of glue-on fake nails, French Manicure-style. Oooh, classy! Says music editor Emily Nokes, "Those nails have touched Gary Smith's torso." It's true!

and ONE (1) very special, Spanish-language, lesbian edition card game called, appropriately, "¡SEXO!"

Redeem your prize by leaving the answer to this question, which honors our spirit animal Alanis Morissette, in comments (we'll alert the winner here in comments on Monday, when we sober up again):

What fellow '90s icons played guitar and bass on Alanis Morissette's best-karaoke-song-ever hit "You Oughta Know"?

PRIZE PACKAGE PIC...

GILLIAN ANDERSON
WHITE HOT! Win it!

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