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Thursday, July 5, 2007

The Most Imortant Question You Will Ever Be Asked

posted by on July 5 at 12:05 PM

Yesterday, during a conversation about music, really bad music, a couple friends and I discovered what is perhaps the most important question I’ve ever thought about in my entire life:

Who’s worse? Red Hot Chili Peppers or Celine Dion?


I say the Red Hot Chili Peppers are. The other two both agreed that Celine Dion is. I’m right, they’re wrong, so we continued to argue the point. They claimed that Celine Dion is and has always been intolerable while the Chili Peppers had at least a few shining moments. I claimed, though, that those shining moments have long since been eclipsed by their current state of suckage, and are therefore not enough to keep them out of “complete bullshit” territory. Even worse, they’re unable to accept where they currently stand (frat rock for drunken date rapists), while Miss Dion knows she is literally a Vegas sideshow. And even if you’re not into the Titanic-theme-song-singing French Canadian, you can’t say without sounding like a complete noob that she’s got a powerful voice—lady can belt it out.

Yeah, Flea can play bass, and yeah, he was in Back to the Future, and that Will Ferrell looking drummer has some talent, but the band as a whole play watered down funk and vapid ballads about Los Angeles. That’s way more offensive than carrying on about a heart that will go on.

Turns out, pondering this argument is how I spent the majority of my Fourth. I really need to learn to let things go. We moved the debate down to Kings Hardware for lunch. The majority of the staff voted with me, agreeing Red Hot Chili Peppers are worse. They’re smart and they have really good sweet potato fries. We text messaged all our friends, asking them the same question. Everyone had an opinion, and it ended up being split down the middle, mostly, with the Red Hot Chili Peppers losing their lead after a whopping 10 votes came in en masse from a BBQ in West Seattle.

Also, I should note, we were completely aware of how lame this was.

But I’m unable to shake it. And this is the new question I gauge people by.

So I wanna know…

Who do you think is worse? Celine Dion? Or the Red Hot Chili Peppers?

RSS icon Comments


I was there. I was one of the people with Megan yesterday, and I am right. Celine Dion has never been good. RHCP were once not bad. There are a couple of songs I still like. I can't allow Celine to be called less sucky than RHCP, because she totally sucks.

I'm saying.

I don't deny that RHCP suck now. Thank you.

Continue the debate on Friday night at the Sunset - it's my birthday and I will be available for you to agree/disagree with while some awesome bands play. Thank you.

Posted by matt garman | July 5, 2007 12:27 PM

While both of these artists suck, I voted for RHCP, because I feel like those motherf*ckers should know better. They once worked with George Clinton on a record, for crissakes. So, they've at least *experienced* cool before.

Whereas, I'm not sure Celine Dion had a choice but to do what she's doing.

Posted by Powerpop-Gary | July 5, 2007 12:55 PM

I love these poll things. Celine is much worse. 'My Lovely Man' is a good song.

Posted by trent moorman | July 5, 2007 1:03 PM

Okay, how about this one - who sucks more, Sting or Celine Dion?

Posted by matt garman | July 5, 2007 1:41 PM

i feel that since "under the bridge" actually has a pretty melody, and it is the only good song by them, they win in the good song category. RHCP-1, Celine-0. So that is the only reason they are less sucky than celine pee-on.

Posted by brad | July 5, 2007 2:33 PM

That about wraps it up for this arguement.

Posted by Jason Josephes | July 5, 2007 3:05 PM

I don't listen to either now, but -- one day -- I gather I'll be more fulfilled by recordings of Celine Dion, yet I'll still be horribly embarrassed by ever having liked RHCP. So RHCP into the Worse bin.

Posted by matthew fisher wilder | July 5, 2007 3:17 PM

The Peppers are serious candidates for worst artist of all time. Celine Dion is just another vapid plastic pop singer, basically interchangeable with dozens of others. The Peppers, contrary to what is asserted here, have never performed even a second of music that wasn't screamingly awful in every possible way. They are basically singing penises. Yuck, barf, ugh, no way. Peppers are worst. Peppers are worse than anyone.

Posted by Fnarf | July 5, 2007 3:56 PM

To number 8, "Peppers are worse than anyone." That's what your mom said to me last night, after I shaved her back! Zing!

Posted by duke stainer | July 5, 2007 4:13 PM

dude, RHCP are way worse. celine dion has never appeared wearing only a tube sock, which is just a fucking reprehensible thing to do, no matter how funny they thought it was the night before when they were high. yech.

Posted by erin | July 5, 2007 4:28 PM

Nice work @6...

Megan, you couldnt be more wrong on this one. Here's my take:

First, apples and oranges, come on, this is a stupid argument to begin with and should never have been put up on the line out.
The issue of the quality of the music itself is subjective and can be debated all day, so let's just talk about things that are more factual.

What kinds of things has Celine Dion DONE for music and what type of influence has she had on what other people are doing now?
Well, there are a lot of current pop singers that have taken cues from her (the Simpson sisters?, Kelly Clarkson?) -- so, if you like that kind of music then this is an easy question. She's paid a lot of bills for the same people who are responsible for shit like, I don't know, The Corrs and N'sync. Basically though, Celine Dion, by herself, is not a writer of music, all her hit songs were written by big-time heavies in the pop music industry (stuff for middle school slow dances and supermarket soundtracks).
It's up to each person to determine if this type of music sucks or not, but to me, the next question is, how much do the Red Hot Chili Peppers suck?

Well, my personal answer: they do suck a lot nowadays and i wish they would stop making music, but in their first 15 or so years as a band they have done good things.
RHCP are all amazing musicians, they started as a garage-band (IE, not invented and trained by suits like Celine Dion was).
RHCP brought funk music to white kids in the suburbs who may have never been exposed to such awesome music otherwise, whereas Celine Dion has built her career on fulfilling the preset expectations of crusty old people by giving them music that's easy on the ears, not challenging, and works really well as background music for shopping. Fuck that.

I choose not to listen to RHCP these days (I got bored of them?), but i used to bump them quite a bit when i was a lot younger and their music sets awesome benchmarks for what funk or rock sound like, which is a good learning tool for musicians (ex: any kid who wants to play bass needs to be down w/ what Flea has done).

Megan, I really get bothered when you point out that a certain social group likes a certain artist, and then you conclude that the artist sucks because that social group sucks (or you just point it out to try and be funny). In this case it's frat guys, and I also recall a blog you made about a certain Sweetwater show which was overrun with, oh wait, ex-frat guys (but you are a fan of Sweetwater). Yes, many frat guys listen to RHCP, and many frat guys suck, but who cares? Celine Dion is worshipped by the very people who reared many of those frat guys (suburban Moms and Dads who are tools), so your argument is whack.
It's also more productive (and less mean) to talk about the MUSIC, instead of who you think is listening to it, especially when you want to pose a question like this.

Posted by E | July 5, 2007 4:32 PM

I'm down visiting my parents this week, and my youngest brother has played the same three RHCP songs on loop for like three straight days. I want to kill myself.

Posted by Darcy | July 5, 2007 4:33 PM

Please, give me a freaking break.

Posted by hello | July 5, 2007 4:47 PM

MEGAN! Remember yesterday when I was saying that the graphic of Celine you should use is one where she's playing air guitar and "knockin' me out with those Canadian thighs!" -- it's from the YouTube video @6! That's the one!!

Jesus Murphy.

Posted by matt garman | July 5, 2007 7:08 PM

Why can't we have a poll about which Stranger music writer's posts are dumber...Megan Seling or....wait, you win Megan Seling.

Posted by F# | July 5, 2007 10:19 PM

I can't tell which is worse but I would totally have sex with the guy on the left. He looks HOT!!!

Posted by lawrence clark | July 5, 2007 10:55 PM

I voted Celine, because lame though they may be, I can handle RHCP as background music. Fairly ignorable, somewhat groovy. On the other hand, I get stressed out when I hear Celine Dion. Her voice bores into my head like a tattoo needle.

Posted by KS | July 5, 2007 11:55 PM

Is this a fucking joke? SO all you RHCP haters would rather listen to an entire Celine Dion album rather than "Mother's Milk"? Really? Oh wait, being "camp" is "in". I forgot, my bad

Posted by all | July 6, 2007 12:30 AM

E @ 11

Great post.

The only RHCP music I own is their "Fight Like A Brave" (NOT OUR MIX) vinyl maxi-single.

It's a keeper IMO.

Posted by truthseeker | July 6, 2007 1:12 AM

I was actually coming around to your argument, I really was, but then I saw the video @6 and I just don't think I can recover.

Posted by no one in particular | July 6, 2007 1:55 AM

The Chili Peppers made Mother's Milk, Freaky Styley and The Uplift Mofo Party Plan and Blood Sugar Sex Magik, some of the most creative and well executed funk rock albums of the 80's and 90's. With the exception I feel of a really bad rock album in By The Way, and way too many songs lately about California, they've been an excellent band for many years. Stadium Arcadium also has some really good jams on it. Celine is just bullshit made for white honky crackers. By picking Celine over the Chili Peppers, Megan Seling and the majority of the staff of The Stranger has now cememted themselves as "White Honky Cracker Central". Oh how I miss The Rocket.

Posted by John | July 6, 2007 9:54 AM

I think one thing is clear Megan, both artists are rich and successful, regardless of said level of suckage're still poor and work for the suck-ass Stranger. Good luck with that.

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By the way, nice add for fucking Nickelback on the Stranger's website. Whores.

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