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how about:

* dave matthews and you agree to an inside joke where he refers to his backing band as 'the e street band' for one entire show.
* dave matthews misappropriates the history of southern music for your amusement.
* dave matthews admits he's not as cool as james brown arranger david matthews.
* dave matthews takes a shit on your town's highway overpass.
* dave matthews apologizes for that whole dave matthews thing.

Posted by cosby | January 8, 2008 10:38 AM

Dave Matthews has his assistant placate you?

Posted by Would That One Do Good? | January 8, 2008 10:50 AM


dave matthews trains you on how to maximize your schedule for maximum success.

Posted by cochise. | January 8, 2008 10:51 AM

I would really like to have a video of Dave Matthews sitting in front of a white wall, making the "world's smallest violin" motion.

Imagine all the times that would come in handy!

Posted by Ari Spool | January 8, 2008 11:23 AM

Dave Matthews Hand-Job.

Posted by Paulus | January 8, 2008 11:31 AM

DMB play Captin Beefheart and the Magic Band songs all night.
Dave becomes an acid casualty and makes several patchwork LPs living alone in an empty flat above Radio Shack in the U District.

Posted by don | January 8, 2008 12:19 PM

dm leaves a vm on your cell about why you should leave a message and why he thinks that wearing outdated shirts and khaki's are appropriate costumes to wear on stage despite hippy minded yuppies having to pay lots of moolah for a ticket to a 30 day stint at the gorge.

Posted by yearning | January 8, 2008 2:37 PM

Dave shares a Teva moment with you and your dog.

Posted by Crash Into Something Else Already | January 8, 2008 4:39 PM

Thanks to my latent skills in the realm of transdimensional particle physics (and with the help of a malfunctioning toaster), I have been able to access the 2008 Strangercrombie Catalogue:

"Dave Matthews agrees to retire from the music business, destroying all master tapes currently held in his possesion, and will embark on a new career as bodyguard for Bill O'Reilly.

Starting Bid: $50.00
Value: Priceless"

Posted by COMTE | January 8, 2008 4:40 PM

I like Dave Matthews.

Posted by Morgan | January 8, 2008 4:53 PM

Morgan, this ain't your fuckin' 12 step meeting.

Posted by Bill Dub | January 9, 2008 4:00 AM

"I would really like to have a video of Dave Matthews sitting in front of a white wall, making the "world's smallest violin" motion"

props, mad props to you love - brilliant~

Posted by katie .. | January 9, 2008 11:44 PM

Since Dave is such a supporter of organic farming and healthy farming practices, what if he sent the winner a basket of veggies grown from his farm in Virginia- or better yet a case of wine from his Virginia winery? No one from Seattle turns down wine!

Posted by Ashley | January 17, 2008 2:52 PM

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