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Monday, March 3, 2008

The Worst Malt Liquor/Energy Drink of My Weekend…

posted by on March 3 at 15:15 PM

Was, without a doubt, Joose. From the intentionally misspelled name to the terrible logo design to the ungainly big-gulp size of the can, this truly is the malt liquor/energy drink combination of Juggalos, meth heads, and the otherwise unemployable. Seriously, guys. Have a Sparks. Mix some whiskey into a bottle of coke. Down an airplane bottle of vodka with a Redbull. Chase yellow-jackets with Pabst if you have to. Just please don’t “wease” the Joose.

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I think Joose tastes much better than its competitors. Smooth, not much carbonation, easy to drink fast. 9.9% alcohol. Don't sip the Hatorade, Grandy. Sometimes you need to embrace your inner-unemployed.

Posted by Jeff Kirby | March 3, 2008 3:42 PM

Isn't this the punchline to the old "What do you get when you squeeze a synagogue" joke?

I really don't like the idea of exceptionally drunk people having lots of energy. I appreciate the mercy that is the passed out drunk.

Posted by danmohr | March 3, 2008 3:51 PM

Might I suggest the Brass Monkey.

Posted by trent moorman | March 3, 2008 3:59 PM

The Brass Monkey has been my staple for several years now. I normally don't go for the "energy beer" unless i know it's going to be a long night. Nothing beats OE/OJ for the price.

Posted by Jeff Kirby | March 3, 2008 4:16 PM

Joose is truly the Juggalo's choice. Kirby would know.

Posted by Casey | March 3, 2008 4:23 PM

lol @ joose

sparks 7.0 obv. owns

Posted by ndrwmtsn | March 3, 2008 4:33 PM

i'm not feeling sparks 7.0. maybe it's because it was at room temperature (or more) when i drank it, but it was like battery acid. i'll stick to the 6.0.

Posted by cosby | March 3, 2008 4:50 PM

7.0 scared me at first but now it's part of my routine whenever I have to do anything that requires being up after 12am. I am starting to feel really old.

Joose is gross, but did anyone see that Seattle Weekly article a few weeks back where they were blaming it for subverting the Alcohol Impact Zones around town? that I do have to give them props for. fuck the Man and his classist alcohol laws.

Posted by "Lee" | March 3, 2008 5:17 PM

Whatever happened to just getting drunk? Mixing caffeine and booze is for frat boys and hipsters.

Posted by bunnypuncher | March 3, 2008 7:05 PM

Energy b00z3 is enough of an objective experience that logos and such are second to it's ALC/VOL and whether or not I'd end up in the hospital after having one. I'm convinced that JOOSE is never a "good" idea but if I must...I'm with Kribby on this one.

Posted by Karen Andolfson | March 3, 2008 9:31 PM

What the hell is a Juggalo?

Jugs + Bimbo is my guess, but that's a new one to me. I suddenly feel old.

Posted by Ben | March 4, 2008 9:21 AM

Malt Liquor is bad idea no matter what you mix it with IMHO. Coffee and bonghits on the other hand... ;)

Posted by monkeyshine | March 4, 2008 9:26 AM

I thought Fago was for Juggalos...

Posted by Mr. Poe | March 4, 2008 1:27 PM

Juggalos are people that see this when they fire up FireFox.

Posted by Gabriel | March 4, 2008 1:35 PM

a good intro to the world of the evil clowns:

the "success stories/mailbag" is absolutely hilarious, frightening, and riveting.

Joose is finally hitting critical mass! Two of those for under $4 is a great way to get the parted started (bro)

Posted by Abe | March 4, 2008 2:26 PM

err "party" rather - yes, I had a couple last night...

Posted by Abe | March 4, 2008 2:28 PM

Everyone knows that (green) Tilt is the best alternaholic beverage to be had. It's like the sweet nectar that drips off the gods' collective ballsacks.

Posted by Brian | March 4, 2008 7:38 PM

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