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Tuesday, July 8, 2008

The Best Thing About My Trip to Portland Was…

posted by on July 8 at 11:20 AM

Being introduced to


Yeah, Wombstretcha. With an A instead of an ER. And last name The Magnificent.

Actually, this may have been the worst part about my recent trip to Portland.


I saw this sticker on the back of a stop sign. Of course the first thing I do when I get back to Seattle is check out his MySpace page. It says it’s comedy, so I listened. I like funny things.

Here are just a few of his hits (via

“Poach Yo’ Eggs”

(About killing women and selling their eggs on the black market)

“Tramp Collector”

(Basically a shitty rap version of “88 Lines About 44 Women”)

“Shake It (Like a Baby)”

(Containing the line: “Shake it like a baby, let me see you gettin’ violent / like your ass was a screamin’ preemie, shake it ‘til it’s silent”)

And look! They have a video!

I mean, I know it’s supposed to be funny and all, but it’s not really… Nor is it even that good. That’s the last time I take music suggestions from the back of a stop sign.

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You're a fucking music editor, you come to Portland where you can be exposed to tooooooons of good bands, and you bother to revew... Wombstretcha.

It's fine that you don't like us, but let's keep a few things in mind. First of all, that "video" was done on a celphone like four years ago. If you google any of our live shit, like Soundproof Van, you will see that we have actual fans and the occasional talented moment.

Second, it's ironic that you bother to advertise the shit out of us and then blame the fact that we're "some band on a stop sign." Really, how do you get turned onto bands? The radio stations you love to hate? If you're gonna be an underground paper, you're gonna have to take a few leads from bus stops and signs.

Finally, *thank you* for the writeup. As with Master P, Insane Clown Posse, and Billy Cogran, we really hope to be added to your enemies list, as your sister paper The Mercury has been on our shitlist for a minute.

But really... you're a fucking music columnist and this is your way of saying "hey boss, I, err.. I did some research when I was down in P-Town... yeah, that's the ticket..."

Take it from me, I do music writeups for Underground under the same name, I know how *impossible* it is to find new bands. There's only about 5,000 in Federal Way alone.

Nice job rationalizing the lack of work you did on your trip, and thanks for the plug!

July 15th @ Berbati's w/ Ikonoklast, S1nd1cate

Thanks! :)

-Statutory Ray

Posted by Statutory Ray | July 10, 2008 4:43 AM

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